[FR] Biggest fucking curveball I've ever gotten. Need quick response. She tells me she wants to hang out with her friends after our date??

X1nn3R · 2011-04-17T01:37:21+00:00

To me it sounds like you went about it all wrong, you gave her the power and made it seem like you were upset.

intjpua · 2011-04-17T08:01:52+00:00

You sound very reactive, to me.

For a first date, you should be thinking about how to escape early, just in case she's lame/fat/annoying/smelly/whatever. You should be building an early ending into the date from the get-go. The fact that you're making a big deal about spending a specific (and large) amount of time with her on a first date is scary, especially for a girl you met online.

I always frame first dates with girls I don't know well in terms of "I'm going to be in X area. Meet me for a drink." I'm always implying that my time is scarce and that I have other shit to do...but not in a "I'm pissed that you have other things to do" kinda way, which is what I'm getting (very strongly) from your interactions here.

In short, I don't think you're right, I don't think you handled it well, and I think if you don't blow her off she's probably going to blow you off in the near future, unless she really likes you (which seems impossible from an online meeting) or she's desperate (which is more likely, but still not extremely likely, since girls online often have an inflated sense of their dating value because they are outnumbered).

inthrees · 2011-04-17T01:49:55+00:00

If you like yourself enough to not put up with that (I agree with your assessment, I'd feel pretty marginalized by that too) then text her back with "You know what, official serial killer business came up that will keep me busy for the foreseeable future. Don't think we'll get a chance to reschedule."

and then forget her.

Which might drive her to pursue you relentlessly, but who cares. Inconsiderate woman doesn't deserve you.

Nexism · 2011-04-17T05:37:48+00:00

Just bail and move on?

puaCurveBall · 2011-04-17T06:34:07+00:00

Maybe it is because I didn't see the actual text, but I don't think I'd be bothered by this.

I'd go in with assumption that she'll flake on her friends to spend more time with me, and then make that happen.

Geaux · 2011-04-17T01:53:47+00:00

Not trying to be a dick but you met someone on Match.com, haven't hung out with her yet, and suddenly she "dropped a bomb" that she's going to be away for 8 weeks?

Chill bro.

MonkeySteriods · 2011-04-17T04:35:30+00:00

I would have stopped that crap early on by texting her: "you were going to cancel also? ... i was planning on telling you that 10min before"

That was a huge shit test with questioning your credibility. She loaded the situation by doing something shitty and then making you qualify yourself.

Geaux · 2011-04-17T05:54:43+00:00

I think I did very well and here's why. I made it a point that to my, my time is valuable. My time is more valuable than she is to me. I could have chumped up and been all excited to see her regardless of whether or not I was going to get laid, I wasn't going to even try if there wasn't a single chance of it happening, because isn't that what it's all about?

So, basically, I told her my time was valuable, so if she wanted to abuse my time, I wasn't going to have any of it DHV. She's not worth it and if you tell a girl she's not worth it, instantly she wants to validate herself to you Validation: my friends are leaving in two weeks and I don't have much time to see them. I presented her with a hoop, to explain why she upset me and she jumped through it, then I rewarded her.

She volunteered a text to say she was sorry submitting an unprovoked apology and then gave me the serial killer bit shit test. Then, when I gave a witty counter about her also being a serial killer, she agreed positively to the joke with "I am dangerous". Then again with the craigslist killer shit-test again, I turned it around on her with another witty come back shit-test pass. I Agreed and amplified by talking about the truce between serial killers and she ate it up. Bomb diffused she thanks me and sees me as a stand-up guy, not the asshole who got offended earlier, whereas I showed her the light that it was she who was rude to me and I was the victim.

So, my only knock against that game is the last response. Only because she didn't respond. I thought the Chicago-relation would breed familiarity and threw out the sketch (should have said shady) bit to land a hook. The hook didn't catch because she didnt respond.

Geaux · 2011-04-17T12:30:52+00:00

I guess it depends on the plans you made with her before she texted you with the change. I would advise against going to hang-out with her friends on a first date - and that might be difficult to get out of if you both hit it off. You end up in a situation where her friends are all shit testing you and if things start to go wrong there is very little you can do about it.

There was a middle ground there though. You could have done a quick-drink and then if the offer to join her with her friends was presented you could have said you made other plans in the time since she texted you. I'm not sure why you wouldn't agree to that. You seemed a little inflexible by just cancelling outright. It is possible she doesn't use online dating much and was genuinely nervous about the meeting. A 1 hour date to build comfort could have gotten you an easy date #2. Now you'll have this drama clouding over any future date.

Title	[FR] Biggest fucking curveball I've ever gotten. Need quick response. She tells me she wants to hang out with her friends after our date??
Author	Geaux
Upvotes	2
Comments	16
Date	April 17, 2011 1:19 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/grsnc/fr_biggest_fucking_curveball_ive_ever_gotten_need/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fr-biggest-fucking-curveball-ive-ever-gotten-need.1317512 https://theredarchive.com/post/1317512

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