Frustrated as hell!

razqel · 2011-05-22T06:07:11+00:00

You're desperate. Not much success. Theory's not clicking. It's hell. I've been there, brother. Here are some things that helped me. I hope it helps you too.

First, what kind of relationship(s) and lifestyle do you want to have? Partying at clubs? One night stands? Harem? Finding that one special person you want to spend your life with? Whatever that is, that's who you should seek as your seduction guru/mentor. Each person has a specialty (club game, social circle building, LTRs, harem management, etc.). Choose the mentor who has the lifestyle you want, the style of seduction you're most comfortable with, and who overcame similar challenges that you now face. For example, Mystery Method is focused on cold approaches and quick lays. On the other hand, I wanted to do social circle building and LTRs.

That leads to the next point: there is too much material out there and a lot of the information is conflicting. Each have their own paradigm and when you try to mix them, you're going to get yourself confused. That's why you'll here so many people here giving you different advice. What you need is one frame of reference. Learn one method or approach to seduction (or a few complementary ones) that is congruent with your lifestyle. Practice that until you get success, then you can start to learn other methods and integrate them. Some argue that it's better to combine the best of all techniques. When you're reasonably competent, yes, but this is not true for beginners or people trying to figure things out.

If you're still confused with all the theory (drop it, at least for a while). Just go out and meet people. Focus on making real connections and enjoying yourself. A problem a lot of guys have is they make every interaction a high stakes game of pick up. The outcome matters so much. They're cycling through so much theory and analyzing every moment that they lose the fact that it should be fun and natural. Get a feel for what it's like to flow again without the pressure of the pick up.

When you do go out to get experience, practice small chunks of things. For one night, just work on touching a girl and escalating. Once you're comfortable with that, take it to the next level (sexual touching, kissing, etc.). I also found that my success improved significantly when I tossed out all the minute details (e.g., all the phases of attraction, memorizing lines) and just focused on the broad concepts (e.g., build attraction then comfort, physically escalate). If you hit a consistent roadblock at a certain stage of the interaction, as long as you can identify what it is, you can overcome it.

You might want to consider getting experience f-closing girls that are lower on the HB scale than you're aiming for. It's good practice and helps build your calibration. Once you've internalized what it's like to seduce a girl, you gain the skills, attitude, and confidence to attract the high quality girls you're seeking.

In summary, if you're not getting success with what you're doing, don't try to do the same thing even harder. Try something else (e.g., different method, mentor, mindset). Don't worry about what every other guys in this community are doing or the fact that they say you have to do it a certain way. Do what's right for you. Seduction is not a one-sized-fits-all approach. You need to cater it to your needs, lifestyle, values, and so forth. Keep posting your experiences. We'll work together to figure out what you're doing right and what needs improvement.

2011-05-22T05:29:10+00:00

Fuck material, just do your own shit and figure out what works for you.

28 years old and still haven't been able to call a girl my own.

They're not puppies, bro....

l3fth4nd · 2011-05-22T10:21:06+00:00

Pick one source, your focus should be 20% on material and 80% going out. Once you can start testing material out you can choose what works for you, but talking to people is much more important than the theory.

2011-05-22T05:49:13+00:00

You're thinking too much, just go out, yell at the top of your lungs to let all that nervous energy out and approach set after set after set.

Also go out with people that are crazier/more energy than you instead of people who have no energy.

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-05-22T12:14:35+00:00

If you're overwhelmed with materials and methods, that is probably because you haven't got a basic framework to integrate other methods into. There are baseline methods that make everything else comprehensible. I personally think you have to understand Mystery's M3 Model before any of the other methods make sense. You don't have to use Mystery's methods, but you should know the basic Attract>Comfort>Seduce model. Once you know that, your field observations will make sense, you will know what you did wrong and right, based on a clear model. And then you will improve rapidly in the field.

Or at least, that's been my experience.

Bloodywanker231 · 2011-05-22T07:21:28+00:00

Relax and have fun!

intjpua · 2011-05-22T11:01:43+00:00

There exists an opposite argument for just about every piece of advice that I find

That is because there is more than one way to do it. Also there are way more than one type of girl.

I also hate that my emotions are controlled by success with women

I know how that feels and I hate it too. One night I'll have an awesome interaction with a girl and I'll feel like a king. Next night I'll feel like I can't get any female attention and I feel like the biggest loser. The nights can be equal in all other ways but how I feel I did with women swings my mood. It is easy to say "don't be affected by it" but my emotions just won't listen.

I take it one day at a time. Some nights I come home so frustrated and angry I could punch a hole in my wall. Some nights I come home so happy and energized I can't even lie down in my bed. But I keep going out. I keep meeting new women. I keep trying to improve my ability to create meaningful connections with women. I believe that anything you want you must work hard for.

cata1yst · 2011-05-22T11:34:56+00:00

I know exactly what you mean. I tend to type way too much so I'll try to keep this short. If your emotions are dependent on your success with women then you are making pickup your lifestyle. This is a bad idea. You have to start focusing on multiple areas (fashion, fitness, music, tv or whatever you are into) and get hobbies based on those things. Make yourself a life full of what you want it to be full of. Pickup should be merely one item on that list, and shouldn't determine your mood your who you are. Then I would take wagon_wheels advice and take baby steps. I want you to do me a huge favor. For the next week, when you talk to people SMILE and look them in the eyes when you talk, and when they talk. You'd be surprised the results this will have. If you can muster up the strength, add something to that. If not, baby steps are just fine.

TofuTofu · 2011-05-22T15:52:38+00:00

How often are you going out to practice?

heckz · 2011-05-22T22:52:43+00:00

Seriously, the material is mostly repetitive. I got the most out of reading some of the sidebar stuff on seddit, everything else I have read has basically been a reiteration of the same general ideas. Nothing beats practice in the field. Every failure in the field will be embedded in your future actions while reading something may only stick around for a fleeting moment. Even try stop reading anything for x amount of time. In fact, when you are going out I find I have the best times when I forget about the material and have a good time. Whatever you read that will actually help is stuff that you have internalized, so you shouldn't be thinking about it anyway. Also, there are always ups and downs. And in the beginning more downs than lows. Eventually the swings between ups and downs will start shifting towards ups and the difference between up and down will shrink. Eventually it will be great nights and kind of great nights!

about the bachelorette party, that's a hard pull since they probably did have their own plans for the night and their focus is on the bachelorette having a blast, not on the individual girls getting theirs. don't get down on yourself!

Apheal · 2011-05-22T16:53:13+00:00

Hey I'm a newbie at this, so my input might be a bit closer to what you need. My advice? Watch The Blueprint Decoded. It's probably the single most valuable series of videos I've watched and I absolutely swear by it. It's less about how to get girls and more about how to sort yourself, which I think is what you need most.

Title	Frustrated as hell!
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	19
Date	May 22, 2011 4:57 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hh4rz/frustrated_as_hell/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/frustrated-as-hell.1318542 https://theredarchive.com/post/1318542

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