Hey guys,

I'm not looking for advice on how to be more successful with women in general- I'm looking for advice on how to gain attraction back with a girl that lost attraction to me. We were together for 1.5 years, marriage was discussed, we were planning out lives around each other, and then I got depressed and overwhelmed with school work this year (my last year in college) and she pulled away right when I really needed her, and I broke up with her because she couldnt be there for me. She didn't write me a valentines day card because she wasnt 'feeling that way' about me, and it was pretty obvious the depression made her lose attraction to me.

Now, I know the general advice is that I should just go out and hook up with a bunch of girls to make me feel better, and to not chase her. I'm sure many of you are hoping that you'll be able to find a quality relationship whenever you choose to as a result of all of the seduction stuff you've learned. That was the case with me, I chose this girl very carefully, and we were amazing until the last 2 months when everything fell apart. We had talked a while ago about having a threesome, and possibly an open relationship towards the end of the year- and the week before my big thesis paper was due, she told me she wanted an open relationship and that she didnt write me a valentines day card because she wasn't 'feeling the same way' about me.

The open relationship by itself was fine with me, but the two together fucking hurt, especially the timing. I regretfully sent her a facebook message saying she needed to step it up and show me she loved me, because I wasn't feeling it. She got angry about it and we only met up for lunch a few times that week. I asked her if I could come over for a work break that weekend, and she said she couldn't handle my emotional rollercoaster that I was on (i would show my best, happy face for her and then would get real upset that she couldn't be supportive of me), and that she couldn't be intimate with me right now. I told her we're fucking done, I was always there for her and how bullshit it was that she was unable to be supportive of me. The kicker is that when we first met, she was having panic attacks and huge anxiety every time I was at a party without her or even meeting with another girl to study. She went through a few months of depression and I helped her through it, and many more months of huge neediness. I was so surprised she didn't empathise with me, she is normally a very understanding person.

I am seeing a counsellor for depression and she suggested that I give her control of the relationship so that she didnt feel pressured and negative, which I regretfully did. I sent her a message saying she had control over what she wanted with us, that I understand how she could lose attraction to me while I was depressed, and that it wasnt her fault, and that I broke up with her to protect myself. I totally regret the message, but I heard from her flatmate that she had spent a lot of time in bed the week following the breakup and I felt bad.

She sent back a message saying "That was really kind of you to write this...I'm actually doing pretty well...", she talked about being happy for me that I was going back home to see my friends, and how she was happy that she was no longer going to be the president of a university society after next week, both with exclamation points, trying to convey her excitedness. She then said "I will take all of this into consideration and hopefully we will be able to talk some of it out in a few weeks or so. I can see where you are coming from when you say how I broke up with you [i told her by telling me she couldn't be intimate, she was really the one that ended it]. I think I knew that it had to happen, but I knew that you were under so much pressure and I didn't want to add any more before your [thesis] was due. I hope you won't hold that against me." Then she said good luck, Thanks for getting my things back to me and we'll be in touch at some point.".

From my point of view, I can't tell if she was going after some other specific guy or just really couldnt handle any more negative emotion, but I've been doing everything I can to get in a more positive mood, turn myself around and be myself again. We probably wont talk for 3 or 4 weeks, and while she is partying at university now, she is going home to a really rural town where she has very few friends, while i'll be at my hometown, where I have lots of friends i'm going to be partying with. I feel like after a few weeks of her feeling alone, she will miss me. I really want to have her see me again when i'm more happy and positive, so that I can gain back attraction, but I have no idea how to frame it so that im not sounding needy by asking her to hang out and see how we feel. I'd be up for an open relationship, something casual and fun, but again I don't want to make it sound like it's coming from a place of begging her to take me back.

Anyway, sorry that this is so long, there are a lot of relevant details that I feel like would possibly paint the picture differently if I left them out. I know I need to wait until she wants to talk, and i'm going to tell her i'm busy a few times when she wants to, so she knows i'm not just waiting to talk to her, but have other shit going on, which isnt BS because i am going to be really busy anyway. Any other advice on how to handle everything from here on would mean a lot to me.