I'm always trying to defuse tension, with humor or awkwardness, help.

readonlyuser · 2012-10-31T17:34:21+00:00

Try an experiment that has helped me immensely. Try to talk less and do as much as you can non-verbally. Head nods, shrugs, facial expressions and playful pushing instead of spoken answers. Most of the time, you don't have to say shit, and you learn to deal with the tension by embracing the negative space.

cugar · 2012-10-31T13:35:31+00:00

this isn't really a seduction post. want to stop all the pressure you have on what seems to be EVERYTHING? stop. giving. a. fuck. /r/howtonotgiveafuck sounds like you need it tattoo'd on your arm or something

JayCrisis · 2012-10-31T21:02:24+00:00

I can relate to you and have an issue building tension when I want to and my past relationships and chases have resulted in me showing a weak face. Communication methods like flirting, trying to be "alpha" ,body language adjustments, "not giving a fuck" are all surface level. Don't get me wrong, they are useful, but if we are using someone's methods that isn't who we are it'll either be a temporary fix or end up messing us up in the long run.

Judging from your description a lot of it is internal and sources from your confidence. If you feel you have to please other parties in a conflict at the cost of taking value from yourself, you need to work on the internal more. Most of the time when we bow down, we are unsure about our own values and principles. But if we have a firm stance on these values and principles, our actions naturally fall in line so things like flirting come naturally. When you argue with someone and are able to represent your ideas, you are willing to say "hey I BELIEVE in this and am willing to end this relationship" (a bit extreme but you get my point). The same goes when you are playful and flirtatious, you flirt to represent your RIGHTFUL desire for someone and if a girl doesn't like it then she isn't the girl for you and you are willing to move on to other opportunities.

I know seddit has a lot of inner game posts, but in the long run you'll need to build your own sort of "mission statement". I would suggest looking up some TED's by Brene Brown, and checking out Stephen Covey's 7 habits (The first three habits are MONEY)

EDIT: Just an article I wanted to show as a counterargument to the mindset of not giving a fuck. http://kingpinlifestyle.com/why-not-giving-a-fuck-is-stupid-as-fuck/

Estatunaweena · 2012-10-31T23:13:39+00:00

Read the book called No More Mr. Nice Guy!

I'm in the middle of it now and it teaches you to place your priorities above everything and everyone. It teaches that by doing what you want others will respect you more as a person and as a man. Women will find you more attractive also. The guy that wrote it is a psychologist, and he chronicles his patients from beginning to end with their stories of success. If you don't do anything in the next few days or weeks, at least read this book. Almost everything in it has applied to me.

Title	I'm always trying to defuse tension, with humor or awkwardness, help.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	12
Comments	9
Date	October 31, 2012 12:08 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/12e7o1/im_always_trying_to_defuse_tension_with_humor_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-always-trying-to-defuse-tension-with-humor-or.1342056 https://theredarchive.com/post/1342056

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