Online dating: how do you succeed? My story inside.

2012-11-28T14:32:00+00:00

Yes, online dating is exactly the way you described. Girls are inundated with messages from guys (ranging from really creepy old dudes to attractive compatible dudes). I've spoken to a girl who used online dating in depth about her experience. She wasn't even that good looking and she said she got 2-3 messages a day from different people.

It seems online dating mirrors real life in the sense that guys are expected to initiate contact and show interest. The woman get to decide whether they accept or reject.

Another thing about online dating is that the 'competition' aspect; in other words, girls can choose from lots of guys. From a guy's perspective, you may have to compete with very good looking dudes with 6-pack abs in a 25 mile radius, whereas in a bar for example you may only have to compete with the 10 guys in the bar.

dablac · 2012-11-28T15:40:42+00:00

Make profile as interesting as possible. Say whatever the fuck you want as long as it's interesting. It doesn't even have to be true.

The profile is just the resume to land you the interview, AKA a date, which you achieve by being exciting and fun.

ace_bandit · 2012-11-28T20:29:06+00:00

Sorry about the wall of text. I tried to put a lot of good advice in here, so please read.

Make your profile short and interesting. No one wants to read a wall of text. Mention some stuff you're interested in. Use sensory language to describe yourself instead of laying out the facts. You want to get an emotional reaction when they read your profile and be excited to talk to you, so don't list what you like/do, talk about it enthusiastically. Don't proclaim what you do/don't want in a girl, you might make someone you'd actually really like feel disqualified before they even send you a message. Put up a good headshot, a good full body shot (dressed fashionably, not shirtless in a mirror), and then a few pictures of you doing cool shit. This way it doesn't look like you're hiding anything about your appearance, and she'll have stuff to ask you about that you don't even need to write about. Like you said, they won't even read the profile unless they like what they see. Give them shit to ask you about before they even read a word. Don't put up pictures of you drinking, everyone goes out drinking, put up pictures of you kayaking, skydiving, on top of a mountain, in a foreign country, etc. Wear a colorful or interesting shirt in your default pic. I've actually had a few girls tell me that they looked at my profile because the bright blue plaid shirt I was wearing caught their eye when they were browsing. Spend a lot of time crafting the profile to be completely fun, outgoing, and non-needy. Then when you message, all you have to do is say something interesting enough to make them check out your profile. I usually go with "Hi, I'm ace_bandit, (some comment or question about one of her interests). Hit me up if you wanna get to know each other and have some fun."

I've found that usually about 20% of messages I send out get a reply, then about 10% we get some banter going back and forth. I quickly tell her I'm much better at talking than I am typing, so we should continue on the phone. Half stop talking at that point, so we're down to 5%. If they give me the number, they're interested and I can set up a date and get a lay. When I'm sitting at home on an idle tuesday night I'll spend maybe an hour or two and send 20 messages instead of watching TV or fucking around online and have a date set up for later in the week.

It's a numbers game. On OKC and Plenty of Fish many girls just make an account one day for the hell of it and don't really go on there that much, and when they return a week later they have 100 messages. I went on a date with one girl and asked her about how many messages she gets and she said about 15-20 PER DAY. The good news for us is.... 90% guys are either really douchey and are blatantly trawling for sex, or are really socially awkward/fat/ugly. You're only really competing with 10% You just need to stand out enough to not get discarded with the trash.

I met my last girlfriend through Plenty of Fish and she actually had a hidden account that you couldn't see unless she messaged you first because she was annoyed with how many messages she got SO THE PROFILE DOES MATTER A LOT. This girl was into all the same shit I am, (hiking, mountain biking, camping) and she was a bartender/yoga instructor/ex-stripper who was finishing up getting her masters. She used the website because she wanted to meet people outside her circle and didn't want to go to bars. There are beautiful, intelligent women on there, you just gotta present yourself in a way that gets their attention.

Hope this helps!

J32926 · 2012-11-28T15:32:41+00:00

Went out with a match.com girl who was a solid 10 in all her pictures. Her pictures all fantastically hid that she was slightly overweight, either way she was still an 8 in real life, and we went strong for a few weeks. I messaged her first; I find the hot ones don't message anybody, they just sit back and take their pick out of the ones that message them... thats what this girl did anyway. Its a bigger deal to a girl to message someone than it is to a guy, they get nervous about it. I would agree 100% that any girl that messages you is quite DTF.

Idontlikekarmawhores · 2012-11-28T21:16:44+00:00

OP: you are good looking? cus i am not and i dont think i ll ever pull that off :(

cugar · 2012-11-28T14:29:27+00:00

i've met a lot of women off okcupid from me making first contact. my first message is usually about how im sick of work and i'm running away and building forts on an island, asking her to bring kool-aid and gushers or a story like robbing a bank and faking our deaths and to bring some sandwiches. my profile is light and humorous, i dont take the site seriously. i don't come off as needy/desperate by telling her i like her music, her movies and that she's pretty, which is what every guy does. the girls on the first date will tell me my first message was awesome and i stood out from the rest, my first message was exciting and made them curious about me.

the girls who message me first, yea of course they're interested. girls rarely message guys first unless they're really interested.

not sure why im being downvoted, this is how i've had the most success, by treating the site like i dont need it to meet women...and i'm using the advantage that women love stories in a sea of guys sending messages like 'ur hot' and 'i love -insert band name/tv show everyone likes- too, we must be soulmates!'

Methaxetamine · 2012-11-28T21:11:43+00:00

[permanently deleted]

sixxis · 2012-11-29T14:00:02+00:00

Just to comment on something I've noticed in my area: There are far more attractive girls on POF than OKC.

skeletondog · 2012-11-29T18:56:53+00:00

The central problem with online dating I've encountered is that in real life, you can tell in like 30 seconds whether or not someones attracted to you.

Online, you end up wasting a lot of time.

Title	Online dating: how do you succeed? My story inside.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	45
Date	November 28, 2012 1:03 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/13xjhx/online_dating_how_do_you_succeed_my_story_inside/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/online-dating-how-do-you-succeed-my-story-inside.1343450 https://theredarchive.com/post/1343450

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