I've recognized the problem but I honestly don't know how to act. Zero confidence is plaguing my life.

SumYungGui · 2013-01-10T22:01:06+00:00

Alright man, you want some motivation, I'm here for you bro.

First off, it doesn't matter. You need to learn to accept rejection--because it doesn't matter if you get rejected. There are literally thousands if not millions of single girls within 50 miles of you, you go to a college town dude. I saw an article on reddit earlier today about a guy who wanted to get rejected 100 times, one per day, and do a video blog about it so he would get over it. And it was fucking BRILLIANT. Learning that rejection is seriously not a big deal would be a big step towards your ability to approach new people.

But you know what else would help? Understanding an important diagram that was presented in the mystery method. He called it something like health, wealth, and romance. (I think it was something different for romance, but you get the general idea. It's been a few years since I read the book, so give me a break.) Basically, it wants you to look at your life as having those three parts. If any one of those parts starts failing, the rest start hurting. If all are hurting, don't even attempt to go for romance, you're going to get shot down and you need to fix the other stuff first. Judging by your post--I'd say you DEFINITELY need to do that first.

So don't look to girls for a little while. Stop caring about them, and start caring about YOU. Because quite frankly, you don't sound like you love yourself. And you know what? Fuck you for that. Fuck you for not loving yourself, you're fucking great and you need to learn to accept that. Until you learn that you're fucking awesome and you fucking rock, you shouldn't expect other people to understand that too. It's wrong to do that to them when you don't believe in that.

So, how do you learn to love yourself? Well, it starts with learning to love something ABOUT yourself. It's time to develop a hobby. Myself, I learned through martial arts. It made me more physically fit, I knew I could handle myself in any physical confrontation if the need arose, and it made me learn how to believe in myself. Does that mean martial arts are right for you? Not necessarily, but I recommend them for everyone. Muay Thai is especially good if you want to lose weight because it's an extremely demanding cardio martial art.

So on that note: it's time to focus on you, what do you actually like? Do you like trading pokémon cards? Do you like playing D&D? Do you like synchronized swimming? I don't know those things, but YOU do. Decide on one, and EMBRACE IT. It doesn't matter if knitting is not as cool as other hobbies like mountain biking, if it's yours and you own it, you'll learn to love it and other people will respect your enthusiasm.

If you haven't started a workout regiment of any kind, now would be the time to start. Learn to love looking at yourself in the mirror will help tremendously with your confidence. Looking at the mirror and instead of seeing a pudgy belly (I have no idea what you look like, if you have six pack abs already I apologize) you start to see it chisel up from your hard work, seeing your muscles get leaner and more ripped is a great confidence boost.

So start on those two things. Then you start looking even better, you care more about yourself, and you have something that genuinely interests you. Then go back and do the first piece of advice--the learning that rejection isn't a big deal. The way that guy went about it, he had been rejected from an investor which he needed to get his company off the ground. It broke his heart when the investor turned him down, so he started that project of getting rejected 100 times. But it wasn't always the investor, he'd go about asking people things that he KNEW he'd be rejected for (like asking to borrow money from a stranger) just to learn how to accept it more readily. Once that's not a big deal, you'll understand that talking to girls isn't a big deal either.

Untraced · 2013-01-11T06:55:02+00:00

PRETEND your confidence.

Think "How would a movie-star confident version of me act?"

Then PRETEND you're already that guy. You don't have to agree with it on the inside, just put a lot of focus into making it into a believable performance. Soon it will just start to happen by accident because you'll talk yourself into those mindsets.

Same goes for being fun, being sexy, being strong - these are things you have to figure out. Just think of the most authentic way you could bring these feelings to the table, and strive towards it. It helps if you remember a time that you were having fun, or being sexy, or being strong, etc. Then take yourself to that feeling and act that way.

Coherent · 2013-01-11T19:34:38+00:00

It's no that you have no confidence, it's that you care too much about the outcome. When you're highly invested, everything is too complicated. But when you don't care, life is simple.

nittutt · 2013-01-10T21:54:20+00:00

Read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. I can't recommend that book enough.

And about the side question. Of course it's ok. Personally i don't find it optimal, but i have friends who pull chicks like crazy over facebook / text. It's more based on what you are comfortable with and what portraits the real you.

Annievict13 · 2013-01-11T14:36:56+00:00

You should also watch "What the %&*# Do We Know?" Its a movie that you can take with a grain of salt - but has a lot of quality content in it. It goes into quantum mechanics of how anything is possible (so don't prejudge that everything won't go the way you want to - ie being rejected). It also explains how your body is amazing and smart. If you don't have confidence it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Even false bravado will help you pull yourself together.

When I was in college I had some confidence problems so I decided to get an eyebrow piercing. Once I had it I could be a new woman. I could approach anyone and do almost anything. Two years later when I removed the eyebrow piercing for good, I realized I could be anyone WITHOUT the crutch.

Also, watch this video: http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html

Just a little practice posture for 2 mins can help you have less stress and more confidence.

Good luck.

koolaidman123 · 2013-01-11T15:34:26+00:00

This might not be some profound, eye opening tactic that will change your life, but look at the traits/characteristics of confident individuals successful in the game and adopt those characteristics in your life. In other words, who cares if you have no confidence, fake it. Trust me when I say this, it's not about faking it until you make it, it's about faking it until you BECOME it (heard this phrase from a ted talk on body language on this subreddit. One of the truest sayings I've heard). Adopt the mentality of a confident person, and you will get more confident as a result.

On a side note, body language not only convey's one's "alpha-ness", but can also make you feel more confident as well. try to look for the ted talk on body language, you can definitely learn a lot.

psw1994 · 2013-01-12T06:38:27+00:00

for fucks sake stop saying alpha and beta.

AlmostForever · 2013-01-11T00:08:10+00:00

If you have confidence issues, then I really recommend you check out some of RSD's stuff on inner game like The Blueprint Decoded. They've also got really informative free videos on Youtube like this.

If you don't even like yourself, then why would a girl like you? Work on that.

AtheistAgnostic · 2013-01-10T21:55:25+00:00

Read the sidebar

Title	I've recognized the problem but I honestly don't know how to act. Zero confidence is plaguing my life.
Author	disthrowawaytho
Upvotes	40
Comments	36
Date	January 10, 2013 9:04 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/16c3ic/ive_recognized_the_problem_but_i_honestly_dont/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/ive-recognized-the-problem-but-i-honestly-dont.1345606 https://theredarchive.com/post/1345606

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