A lot of the time I 'look' unhappy which is more of a big deal than I thought

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-06-03T05:26:13+00:00

I have exactly the same problem. I am currently working in an open plan office with rows of computers next to each other. I stare at a screen and solve calculus problems all day. I focus intently at times, and suddenly I notice I'm scowling. My brow is furrowed and my lips are pressed together and I'm frowning. I call it the Judge Dredd face. And people treat me like I'm in a mean mood. Honestly, I'm not! I'm just working! Now quit bothering me and go back and concentrate on your work, I mean sheesh.

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-06-03T16:14:37+00:00

Okay.. I decided to do a little research. I highly recommend Joe Navarro's book "What Every BODY Is Saying." It has a chapter entitled "The Mind's Canvas: Nonverbals of the Face. I'll cut and paste a few relevant excerpts. My conclusion after reading this is that we really ARE unhappy and tense and are unconsciously signalling this. It might be better if we dealt with our innate tensions, rather than trying to hide it.

Negative emotions—displeasure, disgust, antipathy, fear, and anger— make us tense. That tension manifests in many ways in and on the body. Our faces may show a constellation of tension-revealing cues si- multaneously: tightening of jaw muscles, flaring of nose wings (naral wing dilation), squinting of the eyes, quivering of the mouth, or lip occlusion (in which lips seemingly disappear). On closer examination, you might note that eye focus is fixed, the neck is stiff, and head tilt is non-existent. An individual might not say anything about being tense, but if these manifestations are present there is no doubt that he is upset and that his brain is processing some negative emotional issue. These negative emotional cues are displayed similarly throughout the world, and there is real value in looking for them. When someone is upset, either all or only a few of these nonverbal behaviors may be present, and they may manifest as mild and fleeting or may be acute and pronounced, lasting for minutes or even longer. Think of Clint Eastwood in the old spaghetti westerns, squinting at his oppo- nents before a gun battle. That look said it all. Of course actors are trained to make their facial expressions particularly easy to recognize. However, in the real world, these nonverbal cues are sometimes more difficult to spot, either because they are subtle, intentionally obfuscated, or simply overlooked..

Consider, for example, jaw tightening as an indication of tension. After a business meeting, an executive might say to a colleague, “Did you see how tense Bill’s jaw got when I made that proposal?” Only to hear his partner respond, “No, I didn’t catch that” (see box 45). We miss facial cues because we have been taught not to stare and/or because we concentrate more on what is being said than on how it is being said.

Genuine and unrestrained feelings of happiness are reflected in the face and neck. Positive emotions are revealed by the loosening of the fur- rowed lines on the forehead, relaxation of muscles around the mouth, emergence of full lips (they are not compressed or tight lipped), and wid- ening of the eye area as surrounding muscles relax. When we are truly relaxed and comfortable, facial muscles relax and the head will tilt to the side, exposing our most vulnerable area, the neck. This is a high-comfort display—often seen during courtship—that is nearly impossible to mimic when we are uncomfortable, tense, suspicious, or threatened.

It is universal that when we look directly at others, we either like them, are curious about them, or want to threaten them. Lovers stare into each other’s eyes with great frequency, as do mother and child; but so do predators who use a direct gaze to either mesmerize or threaten (think of stares of Ted Bundy and Charles Manson). In other words, the brain employs a single eye behavior—a strong gaze—to communicate love, interest, or hate. Therefore, we must rely on other facial displays that ac- company eye-gaze behavior to determine liking (a relaxed smile) or dislike (tightened jaws, compressed lips).

Conversely, when we gaze away during a conversation, we tend to do so to engage a thought more clearly without the distraction of looking at the person with whom we are talking. This behavior is often mistaken as rudeness or as personal rejection, which it is not. Nor is it a sign of deception or disinterest; in fact, it is actually a comfort display. When talking to friends, we routinely look in the distance as we converse. We do this because we feel comfortable enough to do so; the limbic brain detects no threats from this person. Do not assume someone is being deceptive, disin- terested, or displeased just because he or she looks away. Clarity of thought is often enhanced by looking away, and that is the reason we do it.

arnorath · 2013-06-03T06:14:15+00:00

Smile.

b-had12 · 2013-06-03T08:50:30+00:00

I share your pain, friend. People say I have a great smile, but if I'm not engaged in conversation or something, then I have the worst problem with being too serious/angry looking.

I think the worst one was when some friends told me they see me becoming the brown-skinned version of Clint Eastwood from Gran Torino as I get older.

The key, I think, is to not put too much thought into it. The more you think about it, the more focused you become which can only make it more intense. Just relax and if that's your face, so be it. There are plenty of girls that attracted that no-nonsense serious face. I've managed to find love even with my aggressive looking demeanor. Focus more on starting up a conversation rather than relying on your look at people. If you make eye contact with someone, curl up a smile, give a polite nod, and make the first step towards a conversation. Sometimes you have to rush past the initial look, especially if you have a rough one. Like I said, people say I have a great smile, but if I'm not making the effort, I look pissed off at the world. That hasn't stopped me from meeting some great women. Chin up, friend, and be bold!

ghost20063 · 2013-06-03T15:17:07+00:00

I'm reading thisnthread and incant help but laught because I too have the same problem. I just never thought I'd grow up to also be a brown skinned Clint Eastwood or that I have a Judge Dredd face.

I don't quite know how to explain it, but think about it like this: you don't want to frown, but if you walk around with a smile plastered on your face you may come off as a fucking bafoon. I believe that either of those things (frowning and smiling) communicate extreme emotions and those are okay in moderation. You don't want to live in extremes. That shit isn't attractive. Instead, focus on a demeanor that translates a neutral-to-positive emotion (meaning on a scale of 1-10, you wanna be at 5-8).

How you will achieve this is up to you or better teachers to instruct you. But the end result should be a face that says to women, "I could fuck you so good you'll orgasm at the thought of me." Think about it: you wouldn't say this with a clown-like smile on your face because you want her to know your serious. You also wouldn't say it with a frown because fucking her is something you'd enjoy. The end result is a look of confidence on which a smile is hinted but not displayed.

TL;DR You want the look on your face to communicate confidence and not some extreme emotion conveyed by goofy smiles or distraught/upset faces.

1vibe · 2013-06-03T06:18:03+00:00

I don't know, but unhappy will attract some.

I chatted up and HB8 at a cafe today who had a large tatoo on her thigh that read, "sadness is a blessing".

She would have loved you!

Felix500 · 2013-06-03T07:28:31+00:00

I'm the same way, but I kind of taught myself to do this because I grew up in an “urban community” if you catch my meaning. Now it's a bit hard to break this habit when I am trying to be the fun-loving guy I really am. It's even worse when people keep saying I look upset and pestering me about what's wrong. Which, in turn, then DOES make me annoyed at them.

Heflar · 2013-06-03T08:49:29+00:00

i have a very serious looking face, of concentration sometimes, i think it scares people sometimes, also im 6ft 2in and 115 kg not in a fat way...

Mcneece · 2013-06-03T11:04:32+00:00

Yep, i think i'm in a similar position, apparently i look sad a lot.

I've never been called out on it up front, it was brought up once, when i after the fact got to hear that when a guy that didnt know me asked a pal if i was upset, my pal apparently answered him, "na thats just the way Mcneece looks"

Dynasty2201 · 2013-06-03T11:22:26+00:00

I drove past my cousin and his girlfriend a few years back, and saw them that evening at a family barbecue. My cousin said "We saw you earlier. You know, you don't have to look so pissed off when you're driving."

Meh, okay, whatever. Obviously just a bad face I was pulling at the time.

Last year my parents had an extension put on the house when I was still living at home.

Driving to work in the morning, one of the builders drove past me (he was a family friend) and waved, which I only caught at the last second and didn't get to wave back.

That evening when I came home, we were chatting and he said he saw me that morning obviously on the way to work.

He wondered if he'd done or said something wrong as I looked really pissed off.

Maybe I look pissed off a lot...this is how my face naturally falls!

jasiwanik · 2013-06-03T11:59:40+00:00

OK, so maybe you are new to posture and eye contact work and you need to play with it more to build it further.

But consider this. Perhaps your colleagues noticed that you give a shit. Maybe, consciously or not, some of them detected the “danger” of you raising standards and therefore exposing their mediocrity.

Social pressure towards mediocrity is a real thing. Do your shit.

YetzirahToAhssiah · 2013-06-03T19:18:38+00:00

I do the same thing/have had the same reactions at work, I get serious and look angry apparently lol

MarsayMarsac · 2013-06-03T20:49:24+00:00

I think this frowning face is quite common among introverted people.

TheW1ldcard · 2013-06-04T04:31:07+00:00

I have this same problem, people always tell me I look intense and that in turn makes me look angry or upset, at work I'm always having my co-workers ask me if I'm okay, which usually I am. Given I have just gone through some crazy life changing matters, but this has happened for years now. I've just accepted that I'll always have that "Henry Rollins" looks as I call it.

Title	A lot of the time I 'look' unhappy which is more of a big deal than I thought
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	29
Comments	24
Date	June 3, 2013 5:08 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1fkbhc/a_lot_of_the_time_i_look_unhappy_which_is_more_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/a-lot-of-the-time-i-look-unhappy-which-is-more-of.1353322 https://theredarchive.com/post/1353322

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