The "Fuck Yes or No" Rule of Dating

goldenboy41 · 2013-07-10T05:07:40+00:00

There's a discussion on Mark's forum about the article and he posted something cool that I think is relevant to the comments and criticisms here:

"A lot of guys, particularly guys with PU backgrounds, are misinterpreting this article to be about being picky. It's not about being picky. It's about finding and following a true emotional motivation for your interactions.

The "Fuck Yes" could be about anything. It could be looks, the fact that she studies the same molecular biology you do, the fact that she gives great head, the fact that she likes to play Mario Kart and has a nose piercing. I don't care. The point is that there should be some sort of "Fuck Yes" going on and that you're not pursuing her for arbitrary or validation-driven reasons. If you're walking around with this mental checklist and disqualifying every girl who doesn't meet every single one, then you are protecting yourself and not opening up enough.

Yes, looks matter. Don't fuck an ugly girl. But don't judge "Fuck Yes" merely based on looks either. Treat meeting each woman as an entire experience in and of itself. And if you're into it, it doesn't matter WHY you're into it, as long as you're feeling it, just go with it.

Boner don't lie."

puaCurveBall · 2013-07-09T23:17:24+00:00

I really think Manson misses the ball here.

It is really easy to give this advice when you have your shit figured out. This is how I handle my relationships.

However, he really should be mindful of his core audience, which most certainly isn't skilled PUA's with a ton of abundance.

You have to write a guide on how to climb the mountain, not just tell people the view from on top.

2013-07-10T06:06:31+00:00

Excellent article. Boils down to: spend time only with things and people that make you happy. Cut everything/everyone else out of your life.

ThorLives · 2013-07-10T02:07:50+00:00

Does anybody else get annoyed how dating coaches (including Mark Manson in this link) have been using/hiring perfect-10 models in their photos as a way to say, "Hey! Look at me! I can get perfect 10s, so you should listen to me!" I've noticed Richard DeLaRuina has been doing this in his videos lately, and it's just distracting.

Example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cV-kdQBeBEw

dam072000 · 2013-07-10T04:31:23+00:00

I opened this on my phone and got a bunch of symbols instead of text(ex. £€¢®)

ClinTrojan · 2013-07-10T04:40:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

im_fucking_zeez_brah · 2013-07-10T09:12:43+00:00

I'm not sure if this is entirely true. It's often when I date shy girls they give me mixed feelings at first and I feel like I'm wasting my time. However, I always give it the benefit of the doubt and it usually works out because they just open up to me and end up being attached.

2013-07-10T12:09:54+00:00

Everybody needs to calm down and stop over-analyzing this article.

Manson (IMO) is just trying to get a very simple point across, which is that some people just won't like you. And it's fine. Nothing in this universe or any other is liked by everybody and you are no different. It's what makes us human.

So in a way, why would you want to settle with somebody who ignored or neglected you in the first place? Sure, you went on the internet and found some perfect thing to ignite her interest in you, but for how long?

ericxfresh · 2013-07-10T07:06:10+00:00

Sometimes I see "be desireless" thrown around (from Tao of Steve). How do these ideas relate to this? I've noticed in my own interactions that there is a push and pull and I usually have to back off a little and be sure to not come on too strong.

choc_is_back · 2013-07-10T10:21:07+00:00

Meh, this sounds dangerously like "don't look for concrete advice, just be yourself! FUCK YES!' to me.

Nice rethoric, but don't let what he says make you give up on a girl too early.

diggydoc · 2013-07-10T11:46:30+00:00

this is solid advice. I can't believe how much time and effort I wasted on gray area relationship without getting anything out of it.

McG4rn4gle · 2013-07-10T12:42:20+00:00

What about when when it's a "Fuck? Yes." relationship?

caesarfecit · 2013-07-10T21:01:38+00:00

I'm a big fan of Mark Manson's oeuvre, however I feel this mindset he suggests is somewhat idealized.

In a perfect world, with regards to dating, this advice makes perfect sense. You/her should be enthusiastic about each other or its not worth the effort. Yes this, on paper is gospel truth.

However, there are a couple caveats.

This attitude is sustainable if your inner game and lifestyle are on point. You're getting laid on the reg, you're busy, active, motivated, and you can and will next game players and teases without a second thought cause fuck 'em, there's plenty of fish blah blah..

But what if your lifestyle is problematic? What if you're working through some issues and your confidence isn't yet bulletproof, or you have a little neediness? What if you're just too damn busy to hit the bar 3 nights a week (like me for example, I work evenings) and your dating options are temporarily limited? Suddenly this advice seems a little off point.

"Fuck yes" is highly context dependent and ephemeral. Every ladies man has had the situation where a girl is way into you and some little thing happens (either a clumsy mistake on her/your part or something outside of your control) and things get screwed up. Mark Manson's advice is to immediately move on and if she wants you, she'll make the effort. This is only true if:

she's already highly invested in you.
she's desperate and/or willing to risk rejection (women hate rejection as much or more than men do).
she was at fault and is mature enough to take responsibility (another idealistic expectation).

My point is, if things get screwed up, especially if it's entirely or even partially her fault, the odds of her taking the initiative to fix it are slim. Especially if it is her fault. More than likely, she'll make a lame-ass and passive effort or two to engage with you, and when that doesn't work she'll just get buttsore and blame you. Go external locus of control lol.

So in summary, the "Fuck yes" rule works great in a perfect setting, but if the situation is less than ideal, it doesn't leave you much room to maneuver.

2013-07-10T13:44:26+00:00

I think its a little too ideal to say wait till both of you are super excited about each other. People settle because finding that is really hard.

A good article about not chasing women who arent into you though.

Title	The "Fuck Yes or No" Rule of Dating
Author	B1nx
Upvotes	367
Comments	45
Date	July 9, 2013 11:00 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1hyv9o/the_fuck_yes_or_no_rule_of_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-fuck-yes-or-no-rule-of-dating.1355143 https://theredarchive.com/post/1355143

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