Former socially awkward sedditors, what moment did it really 'click' for you how to approach/talk to women and how can I speed up this process?

2013-09-08T17:18:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

jayenzee · 2013-09-08T17:25:48+00:00

On a life note level, anything that you want or would like to gain in life requires you to get out your comfort level/zone. To the point where it may be very painful and almost un-endurable. Point blank.

IE if you're socially awkward and don't want to be anymore, you're going to have to start being awkward and "getting up" so to speak.

This is what I believe confidence is built upon. Confidence to me is the measurement of how comfortable you are at getting uncomfortable, to the point where you're never uncomfortable.

On a seduction note, you will never excel until you get past this point. The game has yet to even begin yet for you. You are literally still figuring out how to skate before getting in the Hockey Ring.

However to answer your question. I "clicked" about 3.5 years ago when I had just gotten outta a relationship. I had no idea how to talk to women and felt so awkward and unworthy.

I went into a packie and saw an unbelievable girl working the counter. I tried talking to her, got wicked embarrassed and awkward and asked her where the bathroom was.

When I came out, I was like "W-w-w-hat are you doing after work?" Like a chump. She goes why dont' you ask me later? A very light let down.

I got in my car, drove two blocks and said fuck it, turned the car around walked right back into the packie, and said "Ok, now it's later, what are you doing after work?". She rejected me a second time, but with a light hearted, wow you got balls kinda deal.

I learned from that day forward rejection isn't all that bad.

YetzirahToAhssiah · 2013-09-08T16:46:07+00:00

First of all, stop the negative self talk. Immediately. It is making you worse.

As for when it clicked for me? Never. I just made myself approach single girls, groups of girls, mixed sets, over and over again, and eventually it became easy.

It probably will not "click" for you, and you won't have an "Aha" moment. You just have to get out there and fucking do it. Fail over and over again, but just do it. And each time, it'll get easier, and you'll get better, until you approach a girl who's locking eye contact with you and smiling and having fun with you and she likes your kino and maybe reciprocates... and then you'll know she wants a date with you.

2013-09-09T02:58:19+00:00

There's an exercise in martial arts, the name of which I forget, where two people will repeatedly knock their forearms together in order to accomplish 2 things. First, they deaden the nerves so that they don't feel pain when they block, and second they create tiny chips in their bones that get stronger when they heal.

What you need to do is to go up to really hot women that are WAY out of your league and just start talking about shit that will cause them to walk away. Assume that they are ready to blow you in a bathroom stall, and try your hardest to convince them otherwise. When you get to the point that you can comfortably do this and an attractive woman no longer intimidates you, you're ready to move on to real attempts at seduction.

Marsupian · 2013-09-08T18:52:43+00:00

Learn to get out of your comfort zone. Yes its scary but its also exciting. If you stay where you are you might as well die.

Get to know yourself, respect yourself and love yourself. What do you want in life? How are you going to get there? What are you good at? You have to internalize the idea that people should be glad to get to know you, its true (everyone likes meeting new people unless they want something from you) and its vital.

Get extremely comfortable with the idea of being on your own without girls in your life. Girls and sex are a bonus, sharing your life with someone is a bonus. The moment you need it you become less attractive. If you care about the outcome of an interaction you become less attractive. Your mindset should be that you want to get to know or interact with someone because its fun. If you find you like her give her an invitation to join your awesomeness for a while, take it or leave it (this is done through escalating).

More concrete advice: make eye contact, approach (practice), be physical, show her you are sexual and dont apologise for being a man, stand your ground, dont take things too seriously (especially yourself), smile, have fun, go to r/fitness and start taking care of your body and maybe get into meditation/being more present, it can help a lot with not giving a fuck.

bubuskus · 2013-09-08T21:08:42+00:00

take acid

Afeni02 · 2013-09-08T18:00:32+00:00

Talk to everyone! First, try holding eye contact with strangers, then Start conversations with random people. Say watsup to everyone! Befriend everybody. Talk to everyone abd talking to girls will be easier

psyocal · 2013-09-09T00:38:40+00:00

For me it didn't click overnight, but over several years. When I finally noticed that I was no longer shy, it hit me. The beauty of this is you can always progress, no matter how good you think you are.

Mr_Zarika · 2013-09-09T01:41:22+00:00

Life is about having fun. If you aren't having fun meeting girls and you turn it into a chore, you're not doing this whole thing properly.

Go to events, have fun, make FRIENDS and mostly have fun. You will meet people along the way, we're here to make sure that you can be confident around women when you meet them.

Be someone you would want to be friends with. Seduce yourself first.

2013-09-09T01:52:24+00:00

It's not as if it "clicks" and you suddenly know everything. Assuming you keep putting in honest effort for a long period of time, you'll get many "clicks", each of which significantly contributing to your confidence, social skills, overall lifestyle enrichment, etc.

One of my first personal "clicks" was when I started being able to contribute good conversation. I was once very socially awkward, so I took it slow (I didn't expect to bang models in clubs just because I finished reading The Game). I just practiced having conversations, not even good ones. After some ups and downs, I started getting better at simply relaxing when I'm speaking. And since I was relaxed, I stopped running into I-ran-out-of-things-to-say syndrome. So it began to hit me that, "hey, people actually want to talk to me!"

As I got better, I started talking to more girls. After more practice, it clicked that "hey, I can maintain good conversation AND do it with girls!" Then, I worked on getting numbers, getting k-closes, etc. I got plenty of rejections, and I got plenty of success. Both help you grow because you learn what works for you and what doesn't.

The only way you can speed up the process is by going out a LOT and keep practicing. Keep putting in honest effort, but don't be too fanatical. Be fanatical just enough so that you're motivated to work and rest when necessary. Don't be so fanatical that you prioritize going out above the other important things in your life. Don't be so fanatical such that you start hating yourself for every little mistake that you will make along the way. Mistakes are not failures, they're simply learning experiences that help you grow. You only fail when you refuse to try.

Don't worry about it. It's a learning process. It's always hard in the beginning, but as you get better and better, it gets easier. A LOT easier. You'll run into rejections and you'll feel discouraged, but you'll also experience amazing successes that will pump your heart with excitement and your dick with blood.

2013-09-09T05:30:40+00:00

I think my 'click' moment came once I started holding eye-contact with girls I passed on the street or in the hallways at work. After lots of PUA studying, eye-contact had been repeatedly stressed, and seemed like a pretty low-risk first activity. But it made me feel powerful because I was intentionally creating a situation between me and whoever, at the point where they engaged the eye-contact. From there I intentionally made/held eye-contact with girls during conversation. I got great feedback on this one. They're all small steps, but with each thing you intentionally do, you'll eventually be more confident to try something more challenging. The process has to be organic.

I think practise is the only way to speed up that process. You have to believe that you have nothing to lose, and then throw yourself at the challenge. And congratulate yourself for small successes. I had to stop beating myself up when I didn't ask for a phone number. I needed to appreciate that I'd just had a fun conversation, where I flirted little, the girl was receptive. There's nothing wrong with that.

SupALupRT · 2013-09-12T00:36:04+00:00

Hit on everyone. Date multiple girls at once (this is the biggest one) Your dont give a fuck factor goes up exponentially when your spinning 3 girls. You lose one, who cares.

ChrisFabiani · 2013-10-26T22:20:11+00:00

First of all. Game always outshines looks/your weight.

If your weight is having such a psychological negative effect on you - try to lose weight. Make this your first goal and get to a weight which is 'reasonable'. You do NOT need to be a fitness model to get hot women. But if you are obese or very over weight, it will help you a lot if you lose some, not only for women, but for your health too.

Next, you need to increase your confidence for approaching/talking to women.
When in the mall, pick up a jacket, just ask a girl their opinion. It can be a females jacket, say it's for your sister and ask for their opinion. Then you can practice transitioning into a 'proper' conversation. Do this with women you are NOT attracted to at ALL.

As you improve your "small talk" skills and transitioning into a 'normal' conversation from this exercise, continue this exercise on more and more attractive women - build up slowly.

Then randomly approach women you don't know - ones you are not attracted to. Practice this until you feel confident and you've had at LEAST 4 or 5 rejections -or when women will ignore you - yes it will happen. Who cares? Then go after more attractive ones.

Start using techniques in the conversation to generate attraction.

Chris Fabiani,
http://iAttractedThem.com

DreadMe · 2013-09-09T12:34:38+00:00

I think I just stopped giving a shit about what people thought, because in the end all each of us are is a product of billions of years of evolution of which we spend a fraction of this being apart of. That's life bro learn to live it without fear otherwise you will end up old with a mind full of regrets.

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