I am an Introvert (ask me why my name is Blksheep). I am not comfortable being around large groups of people be that at a club, at a party, in a class or really anywhere. I have the hardest time making friends because I don’t like imposing myself onto others. Are you talking to a friend? I guess your conversation is important; I’ll go try to find someone else to talk to. Oh wait they have friends too…I hate talking to people because I am constantly in my head no matter how hard I try not to be. I’m constantly worrying about how my breath smells, if I’m sweating too much, what I’m saying, what you’re thinking of me, what people are saying about me, what I’m going to say next and how it comes across. I’m also not an interesting person to talk to since nice guy interview mode is default and pretty much the way I know how to talk to people. I’m an introvert and I’m conflicted about hating myself for it or accepting it. Worst fear is ending up like my aunt (also very introverted) who is very well off and has had a successful business career but is 60+, single and has few interesting stories to tell about her life. So on one hand I’d like to change this and I’d like to think I’m trying to. I’ve gone to a 2 house parties at my teams house and have had bipolar results; one time enjoying the night, talking to a few girls and k-closing out the night and then tonight where all I could get myself to do was walk around for an hour and a half, talk to a few guys and notice how a few people were intentionally avoiding me/ talking about me when I passed by which I did a lot since I was keeping busy by basically pacing and occasionally talking to people. I’d like to say I don’t have AA issues because I have no issue walking up to someone and talking to them given an outside prompt. But at the same time, I don’t do it on my own. I try to get away from secluding myself by spending less and less time in my apartment. But I spend the time that I would spend in my room alone, in the library alone but surrounded by people. Point is, I’m trying to change, it’s just not happening for me.

Posting because lurking isn’t working out for me. At the same time though, I don't know if this seddit is what I need to change this (also hoping you prove me wrong). Hoping posting works out differently. Also because why not.

Side thought, maybe I should just work on day-game instead?