I need to tell someone about this and I don't really have anyone close that would really understand. I feel as if you guys could related.

jmikolash · 2013-10-30T02:43:12+00:00

Don't judge yourself so harshly. Do you hate yourself for momentarily veering into the other lane while you are driving? Fuck no. You go, "Oops", and slightly correct your steering to straighten yourself out.

HappyJerk · 2013-10-31T03:36:18+00:00

She eventually proposed that we go out for a drink which I of course agreed (next meeting after exchanging numbers).

I always see the woman iniatiting like this as a red flag. To me, it either indicates desperation or an unhealthy amount of self confidence (i.e., the kind of girl that uses guys and spits them back out). I think this is maybe what happened to you: she was hot, she knows she's hot, and she knew she'd be unavailable. She toys with guys all the time. She sucks you into her text game and prods you and tricks you into being a clingy MFer. You fall for the bait and she "conquers" you, winning the battle.

You shouldn't feel bad - these types of chicks are rare. They're actually like snake venom - if you can deal with the type of game these chicks spit, regular chicks are like cake.

I will obviously tell her that I am busy if she texts me to set up a date this week (for the sake of preserving any kind of self respect that I have left after that whole ordeal)

No, she'll see through that. One of the problems with being a clingy bitch is that if you suddenly act unavailable girls can see the game you're playing. Instead, if she texts you, you should agree to meet with her, but be very nice and coy on your date, and don't say anything desperate or clingy, like you're still feeling her out. You want her to think that those nice things you said to her were just an extreme form of pleasantries, not your true emotions shining through.

recyclablebantha · 2013-10-31T05:32:36+00:00

She eventually proposed that we go out for a drink......She did say that she would be busy the next couple of weeks so we should do it after that.

At this point, this was a sure thing. I was going to fuck this woman soon. Standard procedure.

....we end up texting a bit.....it went from a sure thing to me pretty much developing a severe case of being a clingy motherfucker

dropping comments like "I am so excited to see you" or "can't wait to see you".

Texting isn't a bad thing. Neither is telling her something positive like the examples you've listed.

The glaring problem was your mindset, which I put in bold. You were the very definition of Outcome Dependence and it bled into your interactions with her after you decided it was "a sure thing". It led to you developing clinginess. It tainted everything by causing you to focus WAY too much on her rather than on your own life.

She TOLD you it would be a couple of weeks, which should have said to you, "Put this on the back burner until then.....she's either dating around or truly busy with her life and she's definitely not much beyond curiosity at this point." Instead you took it as, "Something is guaranteed to happen and I have to make sure I don't screw it up."

Again, texting her, especially if she initiates, is FINE. Expressing some enthusiasm, in itself, is FINE. What turns those things into texting overkill and over-the-top & self-devaluing statements, is the mindset behind it.

By way of example: his style isn't mine, but Sasha Daygame can walk up to women all day and tell them they're beautiful or otherwise express enthusiasm about them. The difference is his mindset. You turned this drink meet-up into your life. THAT's the problem.

I will obviously tell her that I am busy if she texts me to set up a date this week (for the sake of preserving any kind of self respect that I have left after that whole ordeal)

This won't fix your mindset. See to that or ANYthing you try to do will be tainted. You need to get at why you are prioritizing making something happen here and why this girl has taken so much focus from the rest of your life that's right in front of you.

I dont know what happened to be honest.

You allowed certain attitudes, expectations, & beliefs you have about dating and relationships to set up shop in your head...... Ideas that you probably take for granted, are behind this. (For example, I used to switch over to sappy love music that reinforced some really co-dependent dating habits, anytime I was really into a girl. I came to realize that this was connected to some really really unhealthy thought patterns, which has turned me off from this habit I had.)

BallisticBux · 2013-10-31T01:01:32+00:00

These games you're playing make you a complete douchebag. You seriously limit your text to become more attractive? If you have to do this, you aren't attractive... Sorry, but only a desperate tool would need to do this. You are actually desperate if you play these games...

It's called a Statement Of Intent, don't make excuses for being a man!

amateurcomeback23 · 2013-10-30T02:58:41+00:00

Sometimes, when I'm pounding one out, I forget to lock the door.

Point is, hey, even pros make mistakes sometimes. Fuck it, right?

donit · 2013-10-30T03:32:01+00:00

The problem with "I am so excited to see you" or "can't wait to see you" is you're valuing her too much, which lowers your value because it makes you seem like a loser who's never gone out with a girl before.

What would Elvis say? Hey babe, looking forward to seeing you. But, even that might be too much.

I've found the best way to deal with a girl is to tease her around a barrier, such as distance or time. Offer her things she wants, but can't have yet, just to jerk her chain and get her juices flowing. First make a list of things she wants or might want, like certain types of dates she would like or doesn't often get to do, such as going to a museum or seeing a play.

Then gather up tempting details like the name of the museum or play, or some ice cream shop. Then comes the offer, which has to come across as tempting and not needy. Offer just means wave it in her face. One way is to NOT invite her or be sort of ambiguous: "I heard they opened the cutest little ice cream shop on Main St., and I'm thinking of going there with a friend next week."

I love the theatre. I heard West Side Story is being performed at the Old Mill Playhouse two weeks from now and I'm thinking of going. The point is to wave it in her face until she begs for you to take her with you. Then when that's settled, you start promising other stuff or details to flesh it out in her mind like asking if she wants to get popcorn, go for a walk during intermission, steal a kiss, etc. It's in the future so anything you say will sound like an empty promise, which allows you to get away saying anything as long as you don't imply that you want it yourself.

ultrasuperthrowaway · 2013-10-30T04:02:15+00:00

Since you are a sort of consultant or marketer you might be socially advanced enough that you are bored of the standard procedure as you put it. Sometimes we act foolish to get a rise out of people and see how you react to test yourself.

sedditdee · 2013-10-30T04:15:18+00:00

So you met a really hot chick (in your eyes), the two of you had a connection of some kind and you really wanted it to work. Then you idealized her in your mind and fell in puppy love because you found that rare something that you might not have had since your last high school crush years and years ago.

It's annoying. It happens. Fact is that the same reason that clingy behavior happens (she's just one woman and you're overestimating her value to you) is also the solution to the problem (she's just one woman, and now you realize her true value to you, which is at least partly why you feel ashamed of your behavior).

Answer: find other women. Don't "fake it" with her -- if you're busy (hint: other women), tell her. If you're not, then date her. You might even make a joke of it for yourself and turn the fawning behavior into a self-referential "this is why acting like a high-school dork isn't cool anymore!" running gag.

She might like it, she might not. It's more important to learn the lesson than it is to get the girl. There will be others as soon as she's gone. And if she sticks around, maybe you did something right, after all.

P.S. Persuading people to buy an air conditioner and enjoying time with a woman are very different things. The skills may be similar (somehow?), but the context is definitely not. Both skillsets might both help improve each other, after your recognize their commonalities and learn to amplify them in tandem. Otherwise, as you've seen, specialized skills in one area often don't generalize into other areas.

CluckyMcNugget · 2013-10-30T16:40:32+00:00

The thing is, it wasn't a big deal to you until she called you on it and then you accepted her frame - it's all in your mind. People say "can't wait to see you" ALL the time without truly meaning it, so it's not that serious. Just stop saying it and move on. There is no need to pretend to be busy.

Title	I need to tell someone about this and I don't really have anyone close that would really understand. I feel as if you guys could related.
Author	amateurcomeback23
Upvotes	9
Comments	28
Date	October 30, 2013 2:32 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1pigcj/i_need_to_tell_someone_about_this_and_i_dont/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-need-to-tell-someone-about-this-and-i-dont.1360767 https://theredarchive.com/post/1360767

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