Feeling really discouraged after numerous failures.

bl1y · 2013-12-12T22:52:19+00:00

Like Pit said, some girls just won't be ready to go the first time they come over. You don't need a touchdown on every play to be successful. Are you moving the ball? Getting first downs? Then shut the fuck up! If you're 5-6 dates in and sex still seems forever away, then there's some issues to work on.

exhibitionistcouplez · 2013-12-13T15:44:20+00:00

Dude having sex not happen the first night you have them over at your apartment is not a fucking brutal rejection.

Story time.

Girl I was dating, came over the first night straight to my place. Watched movies, flirted, started making out. She was into me, and I was into her, she was gorgeous and we laughed most of the night away. End of the night came and I did not want her to leave. Not at all.

She did not want to have sex. She didn't do sex on the first date.

I'm aces at communication so I dug my way in carefully to figure out what the issue was. It was a sex shame thing. She didn't want to think of herself as a slut, and she ended up putting it to me in those direct terms.

I addressed the slut thing directly. Adults who have sex and enjoy it are not sluts and all that. Sidenote: I wish slut wasn't a sex-negative word. Slut, to me, means depraved. I'm depraved. Sluts are just girls who like fucked up shit in bed and that suits me just fine.

Anyway, I told her that if she stayed, I promised I would not have sex with her. Promised her that at no point during the night would my dick end up inside her. She liked that idea, spending the night without us having sex. Shortly, we were in bed and she was wearing nothing but her underwear. No bra, no shirt, nothing else. I flat out asked her what her limits where, what I was allowed to do. She told me that her rule was that I wasn't allowed to get inside her panties or touch her through them.

I grinned. "Are you sure those are your only limits?"

She thought about it for a second, knowing full well I planned to do everything possible without violating those conditions, and said yeah. So I drove her nuts for an hour and a half. I touched, licked, and kissed every inch of her not covered by her underwear. She would have had sex with me less than 15 minutes in, but I had made my promise and stuck to it. I did everything I could to make her regret having made me make that promise, and if I had gone for sex she would have very willingly let me do whatever I wanted.

But I held my promise, and the next night she came over and drug me up to bed five minutes after walking in the door, and the next week was spent fucking each other's brains out.

Not having sex is not a rejection. Women can have any number of reasons for saying no. Find out what those reasons are. Address them directly. Make them feel like they have the power and then do every single fucking thing they're fine with letting you do to make them choose sex asap.

If a girl is into you and doesn't have sex with you, that is not a failure or anything. It's just that she's not ready to say yes. Be more fucking patient and give them ample opportunities to say yes while doing everything under the sun that they will say yes to. Learn to assert what you want and then give them a chance to approve or disapprove of it. Disapproval doesn't mean you'll never be allowed, it means that "right now, the answer is no"

You don't have to test their boundaries, you just have to show a little respect while showing an honest desire to fuck their brains out, and maybe the second or third time they're at your apartment you'll end up having sex with a girl who is glad you let her figure out what she wanted in her own time and now wants to show you the rewards that come from convincing her that yes, you are someone she wants to fuck senseless.

Pit_Sweat · 2013-12-12T21:47:03+00:00

It's hard to tell what you're doing wrong without more details about specific interactions. It could always be possible that you're doing nothing wrong -sometimes girls are just not DTF and it has nothing to do with you. 3 is not a big enough sample size to draw definitive conclusions from.

Having said that, my best guess is that you are putting too much emphasis on the end goal of sex based on your statement here:

Getting rejected from having sex is the most personal and brutal kind of rejection

I can only imagine that this kind of attitude is causing you to try too hard not to "screw up," which in turn shows your true intentions and turns women off. Do your best to just enjoy the moment and proceed as naturally as possible, trying to keep it comfortable and fun for both of you. Read up on some last minute resistance stuff as well.

ultrasuperthrowaway · 2013-12-13T03:21:29+00:00

Bring 300 girls back and then we'll talk.

You might balk and think that is an insane number, but that's just the beginning.

IntensePancakes · 2013-12-12T23:03:54+00:00

Never, ever let women bring your confidence down. Those rejections say nothing about your value as person, only that things didn't go exactly right in that exact moment. You're still the awesome guy that attracted them to your apartment in the first place. You said yourself, you're a beginner. This stuff takes practice, and not just a little bit of it. Most beginners don't get girls back to their place for a long time, so you're ahead of the game.

Specifically for these interactions, I would say you failed the push-pull game. These girls aren't stupid, if they are agreeing to come to your apartment they are down to fuck. But they don't want to feel like a slut, so they resist as the last moment, what we call LMR or last minute resistance. Your job is to be unfazed by this rejection, go on with whatever you're doing as if it didn't happen, and try to escalate again later.

zephyrprime · 2013-12-13T09:15:03+00:00

You don't know how good you have it. I had to hit on a couple of hundred women before I got one into my apartment. And I had to hit on two thousand before I slept with one. Your problems are no doubt the normal typical ones. You don't have sexual tension. You don't have a deep connection. You haven't sexually aroused the girl with passionate speeches.

joshsway · 2013-12-13T16:28:22+00:00

How old are you? And, like others have said, you are far from "failing", you just aren't "fully" succeeding.

KidBill · 2013-12-13T22:52:19+00:00

Approached a dozen women, took 3 back to your apartment, and made out with 2...doesn't seem like you're failing that badly.

Keep at it. A LOT of girls won't have sex with you after one date, two dates, even five.

nycprowl · 2013-12-14T00:58:11+00:00

Girls coming to your apartment and making out with you is far from rejection. You are placing way too much importance on sex. Not everyone is going to want to sleep with you first time coming over. Sometimes, they do sometimes they don't. It might be a sticking point, but I wouldn't call it failures.

The fact that you're being so outcome dependent about sex is probably shining through your actions to these girls. A lot of times though, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Manny_Rize · 2013-12-14T02:57:54+00:00

Been in the same position you're in and if your anything like me it's been a loong time since you had sex and you're far more concerned with increasing your notch count than being in the present moment and enjoying the girl's company.

That sort of desperation is a turn off and will guarantee you dont get laid for as long you dont change your mentality. You're being too eager once you get girls back to your place. You think it's the final frontier and expect a guaranteed laid, The possibilty is high and you're that much closer but you cant just let your animalistic instinct take over, you still have to remain conscious every step of the way.

Slow down the escalation and focus a little more on how the girl is feeling rather than obsessing on your end goal. It's your mentality, thats it.

GoldenSorcerer · 2013-12-12T22:53:25+00:00

Not to be cheeky, but is your appartment a sty? Maybe it could use a good clean, maybe it's too cold, it seems like they have interest if they are driving to you as you say, but when they get there they either aren't comfortable, or you aren't escalating properly as you suggest, just something to consider.

Eros_Ares · 2013-12-13T02:38:36+00:00

It would help if you added what words you said, what you and her were doing, and how much space you had between you and her.

Title	Feeling really discouraged after numerous failures.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	17
Date	December 12, 2013 9:08 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1sqtg7/feeling_really_discouraged_after_numerous_failures/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/feeling-really-discouraged-after-numerous-failures.1362952 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362952

Comments