Alright, seddit. Round Three. FIGHT! Buckle up, kids, this one is REALLY long.

OK but seriously. Went out last night (Sunday night) with the roommate (shall be henceforth referred to as Steve again for posterity’s sake) again. Shit went off the walls fun because of the people I was with. Some of you may remember Jane from my second FR, but for those of you just joining us, chick I met online through PoF.com and hit it off with. Went on a lunch date, had a blast, she joined us at the bar later that night for a couple drinks. COULD have F-Closed but chose not to because of my personal morals. Drove her batshit insane with it and she understood. Alright, story time. Stuff in bold is things I learned from here in one way or another.

So Sunday I get out of work early again because I worked a morning shift. Get home, shower and shave because Steve and I have a graduation party to go to for a friend from work (Side Note: Who has grad parties on a SUNDAY?) and start to whip up some food for myself while I wait for Steve to get out of work so we can go hang out. Sure enough, my phone rings. It’s Jane. Now, we had been texting like fucking crazy for the past few days and just generally having a good time. Typical cutesy stuff because I actually dig this chick and the feeling is mutual but I’m still keeping up some mild text game through flirting and teasing and such, which she seems to be loving. She asks what I’m up to and I tell her we gots a grad party to at least make an appearance at for a bit because we promised the friend we would. Light conversation, no big deal. Tell her I will message her if we leave the party with enough time to stop at a bar for a bit to have a drink or two.

Steve gets home, showers and shaves. Eats the food I cooked and we head out. Because we have to drive and there is alcohol involved, I DD because homie don’t drink and drive. We get there, see some friends and shit and have a good time. Party starts to die down pretty quick though because it’s SUNDAY and people have to go to work in the morning. Not Steve, the graduate and I though, we are free for the night to get into all sorts of debauchery (Graduate is a she, by the way, henceforth referred to as Susie). So the three of us are sitting out back of her place having a cigarette and Steve starts to regale the adventures of our previous shenanigans in which I got Steve laid (see: FR #2) and such. Susie thinks this is the funniest thing she’s heard in forever and decides we are going to go out and she wants to see if I’m really that outgoing at the bar because I’m a TOTALLY different person at work. I run the line at the restaurant all three of us work at; I’m a dick at work because I HAVE to be. It’s literally in my job description. Fukitol, we’re game. I message Jane and tell her the plans (instead of asking her to join). She has the night free and we meet at the same bar as before. All jump in the car and head back to my place. Park and walk to the bar.

We get to the bar around 10 and wait outside for Jane to arrive in her cab because she also doesn’t drink and drive. While we are waiting, Frank shows up. So now it’s myself, Steve, Frank, Jane and Susie. Party time. The bar has two giant swinging doors, which I proceed to practically kick open (gently, don’t want to break them) and we all walk in arm-in-arm laughing our asses off. We get to the bar and order a round each and introduce Jane and Susie and I tell her that I am NOT playing matchmaker with Susie and her because she’s my girl and she’s got a boyfriend so she (Jane) must behave. It’s gonna be a good night again.

As we are finishing our first round, Susie tells me she wants to “see me in action” because she thinks the previous adventure was a complete fluke or just some elaborate ruse. I explain that I’m not a professional and the whole night was pretty much a fluke, but why not. I’m no longer single in a sense but Steve is. He makes his first target and we play a little game. I have to get a chick to talk to Steve and at least give up a number without him ever being involved in the conversation. He finds his target (Mixed 3-set of two girls and one guy) and decides he likes the blonde. Mixed set could be fun, haven’t tried this yet. Mistakenly, I open my big mouth and ask if there is anything else I must do while I attempt this tomfoolery and they decide that I literally have to slide up to them like Kramer from Seinfeld because I’m tall and I’m from NY so, for some reason, they immediately associate me with Michael Richards despite me being big and bald. Whatever. This is going to at least be hilarious even if I fail. Finish my drink, get another and make my grand entrance.

So I decide to literally just slide up to them from the side. And somehow got it almost perfectly the first try. Had to steady myself on the guy for a second and apologized smoothly for “damn-near molesting him like that” even though I just lightly touched his arm (initiate the male of a mixed set first to ease tension and not come off too strong). Leaned up against the table they were standing at and joked with him for a second about how next time I will at least buy dinner first before I get touchy-feely (humor to defuse my sudden interruption). Immediately, they are all laughing. Perfect, no resistance and they have a sense of humor. Introduce myself with handshakes all around and chat with them for a few minutes before I begin my play. After a tiny bit of kino on both women while still jokingly flirting with the guy, I tell them that I actually DO have a purpose here other than to entertain them: I have a question. Side note: I should also mention here that my group has NO IDEA what I am saying. They are trying to observe nonchalantly from the bar.

I tell them that I am talking to them because my friend at the bar (subtly pointing to Steve) thinks that I am a whuss and won’t talk to people. All three of them casually look at Steve (told them not to make it obvious) and the blond mentions that he’s actually kinda cute. Thanks for making this easier, lady. So we chat for a bit and I mention that I am actually seeing someone but that isn’t going to stop me from enjoying myself for the night, but I’m not here to try to pick anyone up, at which point I turn to the guy again and say “Unless you’re feeling squirrely, handsome” and we all laugh again. Kino a little further with Blondie(mostly just touching arms when laughing, gently pushing when she makes a comeback to my teasing and remarks) without coming on too strong and just keep bringing up Steve and our jobs. Women seem to love the fact that we cook for some reason. Not sure why. So I decide to just straight ask them if any of them are in a relationship, at which point the guy says he is and the girls say no. Ooooooh, double points. Less work for me. I suggest that we leave the corner table over here and go be sociable for a bit with my group of friends because I have a point to prove to Steve in that I just made new friends when he said I couldn’t. So once again, I hook arms with Blondie and the guy and we skip back to the table (leading them instead of just pointing and hoping they follow) while the other girl is hooked to Blondie’s other arm. We get back to my group, introductions all around, and Steve and I have another magical non-verbal communication moment that we seem to be great at and he runs with my play. I pretty much explain to the group that I DID make new friends and they can all kiss my lily-white Irish ass. More laughing, another round for all.

At this point, I’m back in Alpha Male mode again what with the fact that I am the bridge between these two groups. We’re sitting around the bar (backs to the bar actually) and I’m standing facing the bar. I see Erica (the bartender from FR #2) and introduce my new friends to her as well. She remembers me, we joke for a minute and I go back to the group. I’m regaling tales of my shenanigans from when I was in NY and the stupid shit I used to get into there (like accidentally getting tased by the police because of a joke at my high school) and we are having a great time. We all go around telling stories and laughing and it’s suddenly 1am again. Shirtless Shots time. Everyone removes their shirts, we get our shots and everyone drinks. I once again decide that we are the cool folks and therefore we shall remain shirtless (I’m sensing a pattern here). In all honesty, I just wanted to see if anyone would comply. We all did. So there is the 7 of us (4 women) with no shirts on, shooting the shit and having a good time. Our super-casual attitude and strong eye contact from everyone eases tension because no one feels like they are getting ogled. Except for the new guy. I’m still messing with him. At this point, I remember my original challenge of getting a number or something for Steve. Time to shit or get off the pot. I start talking more about him talking him up and such, but still remaining joking and friendly by pointing out when he blushes and shit. Blondie is eating it up. She already thinks he’s cute and now she’s watching him get all squirmy and shit while I tease him like a little brother. She was already sitting next to him so she puts a hand on his and says something along the lines of “It’s okay, I think you’re really cute and sweet” because I was telling a story about how he was followed into our restaurant by three old ladies who thought he was the reincarnation of James Dean or some shit and he cooked their lunch, brought it out to them personally and spent almost a half hour talking to three old ladies just because he can. Blondie LOVES it. I have now played her into Steve’s arms.

CONT. IN COMMENTS BECAUSE TOO LONG