A depressed BB coworker is trying to ruin recently-healed reputation and I don't know how to stop him... any ideas?

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November 3, 2018
58 upvotes

I know this isn't about women or sexual strategy, but it has to do with men and how they act in the current society, and I'm really at a loss here, so please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm 5'6 and very good at my job. A few years back a tall, handsome guy started picking on me when I started dismissing him for being incompetent. He went all "dark triad and depressed" and would not stop putting me down whenever I raised my head for anything. He used his "status" to fuck with me, essentially. Women laughed, and other beta morons followed him. He made me the clown.

Got him fired almost two years ago though and I busted my ass to improve. Now I'm bigger (muscular), still very good at my job, and the de-facto leader among my peers on professional things.

My problem is this: one of those beta-morons who used to follow him is trying to act the same way he was: he's acting all depressed and "dark", and he also hates the job as much as the other guy. I recently got "promoted" to a new position and I'm working near him, and this idiot is now starting to say that "working with me is hard" and bla bla bla...

He and a few women messed up a couple of projects and the bosses put them on the "black list", but he doesn't even know this, and keeps acting up. Yesterday we were working alone in the office and the moment a third coworker dropped by this guy started complaining about "how he was happy for the first 10 mins that morning until I arrived", and this out of damn blue...

Now I'm done. I'm not keeping my head down for a shit head like this. He isn't joking, he's trying to deflect his fucked up situation on others, and I'm currently the target.

Outside the office I could settle this in a heart beat, but I can't here, and I don't know what to do. If I started bullying him (he's thin, decrepit, weird, a loner, etc), I could get him to cry and back off, but I'd ruin my reputation even more. If I stand still and let him do this, he can keep deflecting his issues on me.

I could wait it out and hope for my bosses to reprimand him for being a depressing moron and making life hard, but I'm not waiting for that. Something's gotta be done.

Any ideas?


Post Information
Title A depressed BB coworker is trying to ruin recently-healed reputation and I don't know how to stop him... any ideas?
Author karen_txj
Upvotes 58
Comments 69
Date 03 November 2018 01:08 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/136491
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9ttxpf/a_depressed_bb_coworker_is_trying_to_ruin/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
betadark triad
Comments

[–]Big_Red_suppository77 points78 points  (8 children) | Copy

I've experienced maybe two instances that I know of where a co worker not liking me for some reason. I'm generally well liked but occasionally someone might be jealous and have it out for me. Nothing ever comes of this, they stop whatever they're doing before long and you wanna know why?

Because I genuinely and absolutely do not give a shit about them. I only care about what the guy who gives me raises and signs my paycheck thinks of me. And they like me because I'm good at what I do and get shit done, a reason people I don't even interact also like me.

Dont feed the beast. Bullies and miserable people feed off affecting you and making you react. If they dont get that then they will stop. Stay out of office drama and shit that doesnt conern you, be the better person.

[–]noPTSDformePlease12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

successful software guy here. I 100% agree with this. The only things that matter are 1) be excellent at your job, and 2) make sure you boss knows that you are excellent at your job. Especially in environments (like software) where your boss may not understand what you do and has a hard time telling which team members are actually good and which ones are faking it.

go read "the gervais principle" if you've never heard of power talk. It will upgrade your ability to play office politics.

https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/10/07/the-gervais-principle-or-the-office-according-to-the-office/

[–]terminaldoubt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Quality read. Do you have any other resources on this, or a direction to point me in?

[–]DadOnDabs5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

This guy. Honestly I would punk him out on his bullshit and pressure flip whatever he says.

Him - "I was so happy until OP showed up this morning"

You - "take an early day, go home and get yourself together, you've looked a little down lately" it's subtle, won't get you fired, and makes it look like he doesn't have his life together

[–]babybopp 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Look yesterday i had a waitress i was talking to tell her friend that i told her that snapchat is good for sending nudes. She gave me her snap weeks ago. I have known this girl for weeks and her carrot top manager overheard her say this and decided that i was harassing the servers. Literally looks like carrot top and thing is this, he amped it so much it made me look like the bad guy. Betas exist. Some in high places or places where they are untouchable and make the most noise. Just avoid them. Do not try to engage them. Beta can be mentally weak but physically strong. Dont ever forget that. They can fuck up your job. Best is to ignore them. If they continue find some reason to report them to hr.

[–]DadOnDabs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Did you actually say that?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Without any further context of the situation, that does sound like a creepy af thing to say to a restaurant service worker. You can talk mad shit to bar service staff but not restaurant service. The managers job is to protect his staff from creepy fuckers.

At face value it sounds like you’re asking one girl to pass your “Do you like me circle yes or no” 2nd grade loveletter to another girl to get nudes out of her.

[–]liberty112771 points72 points  (8 children) | Copy

Come in early and shit on his keyboard.

[–]ZedBaby18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

/thread

[–]ZedBaby11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

/thread

[–]1DonaldBaelish4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Like a boss.

Shit on Debra's desk.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Like a boss.

Shit on Debra's desk.

Shit on boss's desk.

[–]MNCPA6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

/thread

[–]TheDonCap-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

/thread

[–]Big_Homie_Mozi23 points24 points  (10 children) | Copy

Check out 48 laws of power, the books got some good points for dealing with people in situations like this. Don’t let him get to your head. Amused mastery

[–]red_matrix3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

There’s a new Greene book, Laws of Human Nature, I haven’t read it yet just an fyi

[–]allcryptal1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Do you know how Greene's health is doing btw

[–]red_matrix1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

No idea, why?

[–]allcryptal0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I remember seeing he got a cancer diagnosis or something along those lines a year back or so

[–]red_matrix-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

No idea, why?

[–]karen_txj 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Amused mastery

Been doing this until now, he still doesn't stop. Why? Because he has nothing to lose so he whines like a girl all the time. That's his coping mechanism.

[–]flml 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Your post reveals you care about it so he probably can sense that he is affecting you with his bs.

Ignore, but for real.

[–]Skuggasveinn19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

What would Machiavelli do?

Personally, I would just ignore the fucker and move on.

[–]Pooddit7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I deal with aggressive people often now that I don't fold over like a wet noodle.

You cannot ignore these people. THEY ARE AGGRESSIVE. Old ladies, young punks, whatever. It's still aggression if they're trying to punk you out. Ignoring them is foolish, because they are actively working against you.

They are building rapport with everyone else. They are rallying the a group around them.

They are talking about you in a negative light to everyone else to change their perceptions of you.

By ignoring them, and not talking about it with others, you are isolating yourself. They will use this to say "see, he's not one of us" to others, while you sit there thinking you are winning by DOING NOTHING.

In talking with others, they learn you have no ALLIES. They will then go on the attack and talk shit to you right to your face in front of others. You sit there like a FOOL and let this happen "ignoring them" while everyone else there thinks the aggressor is the ONE IN THE RIGHT because they have successfully character assassinated you with everyone else!!

Advanced level: They act like they are your friend. They gather information to use against you. They use it to character assassinate you. They also do this to other people, or reserve the ability to, in learning the information about them when they built rapport.

Some people are afraid of their secrets getting out so they will do anything that the aggressor says. They are the weak disposable weapons of the aggressor.

Some people are too damn nice, like I was. I thought people would leave me alone if I ignored them and minded my own business. NO YOU FOOL, that is easy mode for aggressors. I was afraid to be mean and stand up to the aggressors, afraid to talk shit about them behind their back, because that would make me "like them." Whoever made that up tells that to people so they will easily be taken advantage of.

Be like them and show them that you will FIGHT DIRTY.

BUILD RAPPORT. BUILD A POSSE, rally men and women. No one will fuck with a gang. Make friends with everyone to show them who you are, especially the authority figures. Be "genuine."

Talk about their actions to others.

This is all to show the person that you don't back down and you are able to put up a fight. It will make them stop.

[–]FireDrillem6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Treat him as you would an unattractive, needy and manipulative woman. Ignore, ignore, ignore! DO NOT react to her BS. Respond competently. Focus on being the best. Don’t participate in the drama at all.

[–]Zoddo 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

in one of his latest failures, I warned the moron that the woman he's been helping for so long threw him under the bus with the company owner more than once and was making him a scapegoat for her failures. He even got reprimanded by the owner. And you know what he did? He ignored me, and keeps helping her... wtf is wrong with men like this???

Stop helping him you dunce. Every time you interact with this person you're putting yourself at risk. Weak people in the workplace more often than not are the most dangerous because of their inability to accept their position in the hierarchy. Tearing others down instead of working on themselves is infinitely easier for them. Ignore him, and he will inevitably crash and burn on his own accord.

[–]karen_txj 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Stop helping him you dunce. Every time you interact with this person you're putting yourself at risk.

Yes, now I realize this, I thought I was truly giving him a hand, instead he prefers to be down on his luck, fucked in the ass by everyone and somehow he thinks that situation gives him the right to complain.

Fuck him, he's gonna get some tomorrow...

[–]bestCallEver5 points6 points  (14 children) | Copy

If he's such a ween do you really think anyone else is taking his bullshit seriously? Does be really have the power to emo you into a bad reputation?

[–]karen_txj 1 points [recovered]  (12 children) | Copy

Power? No. I’m not scared of my reputation being ruined. I just can’t allow someone like this saying all sorts of shit without cosnequences. If physical violence was an option, he wouldn’t even dare.

Imagine you enter a room and some stranger who’s shorter, thinner and uglier is having a bad day. You ignore him and talk to the others, and out of the blue you hear him saying “yeah... if jack wasn’t here it’d be great...”, or “god I was relazed when I came in this morning... that is until jack arrived”, all pissed and annoyed.

You are jack. You did nothing to him. He just knows he’s frustrated with the world and can take it out on you because you can’t do shit to him.

See the problem? People will still not take him seriously, but that doesn’t mean he gets to run his fucking mouth...

[–]bestCallEver4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

Sounds annoying af for sure. Impossible to know without seeing it first hand, but I wonder if in his mind he can say this shit because he knows you're a valued / well liked employee so no one will take it seriously. I can't picture it being said in front of you without sarcasm .. "great morning until MIKE got here" to me could almost be his way of self deprecating and pointing out that you're always upbeat / whatever ... almost his autistic way of saying he likes / admires you?

I'm just spitting ideas here. It's a dumb situation you're in for sure.

[–]karen_txj 1 points [recovered]  (6 children) | Copy

I know, it’s hard to imagine, but it’s not sarcastic. Imagine being pissed with the world and then the clown kid comes in and you blast him, annoyed.

I’m not the clown kid anymore, but he acts like I am. He’s trying to keep me in my “old” place.

[–]bestCallEver8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

I wish I had some good advice for you regarding the guy, but I don't. Complain to management? Now you look like the shit disturber. Ignore him? Clearly it's getting under your skin.

The only last thing I want to say is that you should definitely take a look at how this is affecting your own frame and the role your ego plays here. The fact you even mentioned your height and the idea of physical violence ("if this weren't the work place") suggests an over reaction and very defensive position. He's breaking your frame down (maybe just nicked it) but that is YOUR problem to deal with and goes beyond one annoying little prick. Not saying you're handling this inappropriately, but always good to look internally and make sure that your reaction isn't based on old deep buried insecurities, because if it is almost ANY reaction you have will be coming from a place of victimhood which never ends well and goes against everything you're likely trying to accomplish.

[–]karen_txj 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Well, sure, if a guy keeps talking trash about you in front of you, wouldn’t your ego feel it too?

And yes, physical size matters too. Intimidation is a factor, if you look like you are willing to kick someone’s teeth out, they’ll think twice before messing with you.

After some introspection, maybe my problem is this: it’s not that the little prick bothers me, it’s not being able to act on it that bothers me.

I know that if I start pushing his buttons and put him in his place, he’ll use that to get others (and management) against me. That’s what the other prick that got fired did in the past.

Therefore, I hold my hand and try to deal with it in less aggressive ways, and it’s not enough. He knows this because whenever there’s something I say that bothers him (even if it has nothing to do with him), his reaction is always “when are you leaving our floor...?” Or some shit like that.

He tries to constantly make it about me being the problem when he’s the medicated fuck-wit who keeps getting used by women and management alike and can’t stand for himself.

[–]bestCallEver0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Props for taking the introspective route. Isn't it fuckin pathetic that as grown men we still have to deal with shit like this? Honestly wish I had some better advice for you man... some of the other comments might be more actionable. Best of luck.

[–]xddm26532 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

You need to shoot offhand comments back at him. Like if he says great morning until you got here, say "maybe if you had a girlfriend your happiness wouldn't depend on me" or something. Just make low effort comments about things any one in his position would be insecure about, but only when he starts it, and eventually he will completely ignore you to protect his ego. He will see you and not say a word, and you can just smirk and go about your day knowing you won

[–]karen_txj 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

I’ll try this, thanks. Now I have to restrain not to piss on him on monday, cause he really ruined my day yesterday...

[–]xddm26532 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You gotta be cool about it, he's currently dogging you because he knows it's upsetting you. It's on your face. You have to crack a smile when you insult him, let him know he's barely above dog shit with merely your eyes.

If this goes on cut deeper with the insecurities. Pretend he's the 40 year old virgin, try to say things like "Have you ever even felt a woman's touch?" In context of course. You could even flip the script and say "I'm gonna be extra nice to you today because I don't want you to shoot up the place," bonus if there's a female in the room. Then the next day "Hey if I give you a snickers will you spare my life when you decide to kill everyone." Treat him as your personal comedy box every time there's a 3rd person in the room, and make it your GOAL to make that person laugh.

He will rage inside, asking why you keep making these sick jokes, why everyone laughed when you said it, hell he might even indulge in the fantasy of doing it. Good luck

[–]lololasaurus0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Physical violence in this situation is not as powerful as competence and frame is.

Be competent. Build frame. You are in his frame every time you respond or care.

[–]karen_txj 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Physical violence in this situation is not as powerful as competence and frame is.

Well, tbh, if I go into the office tomorrow morning and he says some shit off the bat like he did last Friday, I'll push his chair forward while passing by and "apologize", ironically.

Trust me, a little bitch like this won't do shit. Even if he stands up, that'll give me an excuse to shout at his fucking face and let everyone hear his crap. One way or another, he's stopping.

If I get called upon by my managers, I have enough to sunk him for provoking, for not doing his job and for making me and my coworker's life hard. fucking depressing bitch...

[–]lololasaurus0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You are really deep in his frame.

[–]slimjim4014 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

That is exactly what I would say. Next time he started talking smack or whatever say something like that. Do you really think people take you seriously? Or something like I don't know what's going on in your personal life but please keep that s*** at home.

[–]Unlucky_Leader2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

corporate land series in the side-bar is your reading material

http://archive.is/X3Cxv

[–]red_matrix2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This kind of passive aggression can be dangerous. It’s the end of the year so I assume now is when you do your employee evaluations? Give his manager some honest feedback on what you see as problematic behavior and how it’s hurting the company and your ability to do the job. Office politics are super messy and can blowup for no reason. He’s trying to play you, don’t let him. Act like you don’t care, pay him no attention and stay out of his way, he’s laying traps for you - no matter what, keep your cool!!

[–]takobozu2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

you sound like a beta bitch, grow a pair.

[–]karen_txj 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy

really? in what way? kicking his ass? you idiot...

[–]takobozu0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

you are too stupid to understand how

[–]karen_txj 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

lol, what's up, using big words now? fuck you lmao

[–]takobozu0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

you should feel sorry for your mother

[–]karen_txj 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

I apologize for my bad memory, old age, but... did I already tell you to go fuck yourself??? xD

[–]takobozu0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Have you tried psychotherapy? Sounds like you have a mental problem of some sort. Nothing we can do here to help you with that.

[–]TheBeardedMarxist2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Both of you guys sound like losers. Do you not know how to tell someone to shut the fuck up?

[–]DuckCommanderH751 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Kyle if this is you i'm beating your ass at work Monday!

[–]chrisname1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would take the high road - publicly ask him to have a private chat with you. Ask him what’s wrong, why does he feel the need to target you, what can you do to make him feel better. Make sure somebody well regarded finds out that you did this. It will increase everyone’s respect for you and make you look like the bigger person.

Let him assassinate his own character by being an immature weenie while you look like a good leader. This is the real Machiavellian solution, not fucking ignoring him and not trying to beat him at his own game - he has a massive head start on you and you will only make yourself look worse.

I would also go with the advice to tell the boss your criticisms, but dress it up as wanting to help him improve, or at least that he is harming the office environment rather than you personally. Being the bigger person is key. If you act personally insulted, it’ll just look like petty squabbling.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Record his shit. Then, find out the laws for surreptitious recordings in your state. If legal, take them to your boss.

Or, just go to your boss and say that you're worried that the freak's sullen behavior may have a bad effect on your workers. Or, maybe that his sullen disposition is a warning of impending violence, kind of like Parkland or Columbine.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Meet this guy for drinks under the pretext of hashing this out. Keep a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and a stiff drink nearby at all times. Be sure the drink is 80 proof or stronger, no ice, no mixer. Pretend to be more buzzed than you are, and at some point try to light a cigarette while keeping the drink in your hand. "Accidentally" spill the drink down the front of this guy's pants and without pausing, brush the lighter up against his alcohol soaked crotch. The idea is that you were going to light the cigarette but you lost your balance and, while trying to recover, lit his crotch instead. Then, as this fucker is standing there with his nuts on fire, you just walk away smirking.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

You've done this before, haven't you? Lmao

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes it establishes dominance

[–]Skuggasveinn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What would Machiavelli do?

Personally I would just ignore the fucker and move on.

[–]unique_leek_critique0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I think I'd probably just ignore him and keep being good at your job. Another option and maybe this is beta of me but I've had success befriending a dude like that and that essentially solved the problem.

[–]TheDonCap0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I can relate to you OP in regards to the height and experience.
Unless it’s an important friend or family member in your life, Ignore this dipshit, and look out for yourself. Feed into what he’s obviously fishing a reaction out of and you lose the game here. Place your bet on natural selection taking its course for the weaker man in this situation.

[–]sixseven890 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

have you tried ignoring him

[–]babybopp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Look yesterday i had a waitress i was talking to tell her friend that i told her that snapchat is good for sending nudes. She gave me her snap weeks ago. I have known this girl for weeks and her carrot top manager overheard her say this and decided that i was harassing the servers. Literally looks like carrot top and thing is this, he amped it so much it made me look like the bad guy. Betas exist. Some in high places or places where they are untouchable and make the most noise. Just avoid them. Do not try to engage them. Beta can be mentally weak but physically strong. Dont ever forget that. They can fuck up your job. Best is to ignore them. If they continue find some reason to report them to hr.

[–]look_good0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

you’re being a woman. is he affecting anything other than your emotions? stop being a bitch and work on your frame. others can sense it.

[–]karen_txj 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Yes, he's trying to get others against me by pulling my old "bad rep" on me. He's not letting the past go and is using it against me.

[–]look_good0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

cut the whiny shit and establish a strong frame. ppl can sniff that shit

[–]thesquarerootof10 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I am very curious. What is your job description ? What do you do for a living ? If you are really skilled and have an education, then find a better paying job.



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