[Question] How to not give a damn about the outcome?

makingpotatoes · 2014-04-17T15:46:26+00:00

The best way to eliminate outcome dependency is by shifting your goal to "I want to get laid" to "I want to enjoy myself tonight". When you go talk to a girl, do it out of interest, out of fun. See what she has to offer you. Try some crazy stuff, make up a story, eject at a random time. Treat the game as a playground where you get to have fun. As long as you stay positive, and keep the atmosphere positive (don't start bullying people to have fun, or putting other people down), you're well on your way to sleeping with many women.

zomgitsduke · 2014-04-17T18:55:30+00:00

I tried this with online dating, and it might help you. Perhaps others can input their advice as well.

I start talking to a girl on a dating site and she gives me one-word answers, doesn't contribute to conversation, seems offputting. Once I get bored of her and feel like there's no chance of continuing the conversation where we both input intelligent conversation, I will drop "Well it's been nice talking to you". Almost immediately I get her to question why I'm done talking. I tell them honestly that they seem bored and aren't contributing much to the conversation. Immediately they do a 180 on their personality. They are now being challenged and need to convince me that they are worth my time.

Make it a goal one night to reject a few girls if you aren't feeling it's going anywhere. Talk to them, but if they aren't exactly what you want you should politely leave the conversation. Don't go left and right rejecting girls or it will make you seem like an asshole. Instead, set the bar a little higher for what you want. You'd be surprised how she acts when you end the conversation. Many ladies will try to re-qualify themselves since you called them out on their bullshit.

torquesteer · 2014-04-17T19:19:06+00:00

As you probably already know, outcome dependence is highly correlated to neediness, which in turn detracts attraction. But it's more important to understand why you are seeking an outcome rather than just trying to avoid it.

There are 2 types of neediness that come from a lack of self-investment:

Baseline neediness: In general, there is a lack in your life. You seek validation from others and the opposite sex. The outcome is explicitly tied to this. You want an outcome because it will validate you for your friends and the opposite sex. A number, a kiss, or a lay is highly prized for you and your friends, even though they are ultimately meaningless (more on that later). The baseline neediness takes time to lower/eliminate!!
Momentary neediness: In a particular moment, some emotion is driving you to seek validation. Even the most seasoned veterans will experience this. It's emotional and it can be caused by anything. You will be fixated on a particular outcome because of some obsession that's driving you to be needy. For example, if you see a girl who looks like one of your ex'es. Even though to most girls, you are loose and cool, to this girl, you will exhibit neediness since you want something from her now. Unlike the baseline neediness, you can make momentary neediness go away as soon as you recognize it and rationalize with it.

These two types of neediness add up and manifest themselves in the form of outcome dependence. A particular outcome seems to validate your feelings, even though they can never truly do.

So to be less outcome dependent, you have to chip away at the baseline neediness. You do this by constantly exposing yourself to vulnerability. The more vulnerable you are comfortable being, the less needy you will be. Everybody has a vulnerability threshold, and you push this envelop as far as you can. It means to constantly approach and put your balls on the line.

You also need to recognize your own obsessions and tendencies, since they will flare up from time to time and manifest themselves as momentary neediness. This takes a fair amount of self-awareness and mental power also.

It's also important to realize that no outcome can ever validate you in the long run. Even if you get laid, you will always be seeking validation. The outcome as validation is a mirage. These girls want to have sex... with you or someone else. They have nothing in the way of validation to offer you. Sure, you can go write a field report on an online forum and feel great, but if someone says it's all luck man, you'd be trying to qualify yourself all over again. Validation comes from taking action and accepting yourself and the consequences!

So in that respect, I can go up to a girl and say I want to have sex with her, which is pretty outcome-dependent, and she would still be attracted to me. Once I've managed to separate the outcome from the validation, I'm free to seek whatever outcome I want shamelessly!! I can keep coming back to the same girl if I want. I can offer a myriad of different things for her to choose from: a hug, a kiss, a date, a fuck... whatever. She can choose some or none, it truly doesn't matter. I'm not bummed out if she chooses none since I can't really expect her to.

ThePUA_Baddie · 2014-04-17T15:13:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ThePUA_Baddie · 2014-04-17T15:21:55+00:00

The way to not give a damn about an outcome is to know that what you're doing is correct and you're fully centered in your ability to pick up girls. There is no easy way to achieve this but to simply believe it. You have to believe in yourself and not be phased by negative experiences you receive. This can be easier for someone whose had success because they have that little bit of validation to hold onto. But even this isn't good because you're letting your successes define who you are and that is NOT what you want to do. The outcome of an approach should not bother you because you know that you're doing the best that you can and you know not to take these things so seriously. It all comes down to straight believing in yourself honestly.

Title	[Question] How to not give a damn about the outcome?
Author	vlarone
Upvotes	6
Comments	8
Date	April 17, 2014 2:31 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/239rk7/question_how_to_not_give_a_damn_about_the_outcome/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/question-how-to-not-give-a-damn-about-the-outcome.1369370 https://theredarchive.com/post/1369370

Comments