Any tips on maintaining strong eye contact?

joshsway · 2014-03-19T12:19:06+00:00

If you have eye contact issues, don't be afraid of appearing creepy, for starters.

mackmealer · 2014-03-19T15:26:18+00:00

Ask yourself why you find it uncomfortable to simply look at somebody's eyes. You're going to subcommunicate your discomfort if maintaining eye contact feels confining. When I make eye contact, I naturally tend to put all my focus into reading that person in that very moment. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, so when somebody is talking to me or expressing something to me I tend to not break eye contact so I can truly sense what they're communicating.

Whatever you do, don't force uncomfortable eye contact.

banegame · 2014-03-19T17:26:31+00:00

Here's a great tip I got from seddit a while ago. As you're walking around during the day, make eye contact with everyone you pass by. If a girl looks back, hold, and if about 3 seconds go by (a decent amount of time) then smile (a slow smile). It gets creepy when you hold eye contact for more than 5 seconds and don't smile or approach.

Try this for conversation. When you look at they're eyes, switch from one eye to another. Then when you get to that point of "looking away", just glance above their head briefly, then back down at they're eyes.

I used to be in the same boat as you. Holding eye contact was and to some extent still is a conscious effort for me, but it is worth it! It is probably the single most important body language queue that you can give. Let me know how it goes, and best of luck!

DamienDieckeSOA · 2014-03-20T00:27:27+00:00

Couple of things to mention about eye contact.

1) It's easiest to practice first with people you know than people (women) who intimidate you. There's already great advice on here about walking around making eye contact with everyone you pass, I love that. I also love the idea of just promising yourself you'll make prolonged eye contact with everyone you talk to for a week, just the first time you look at them.

2) Remember that eye contact IS socially awkward for everyone if you are prolonging it while YOU are doing the talking. The unspoken natural rule is that the listener provides intense eye contact, and the speaker regularly looks away. This is due to the fact that darting eye movement is quite critical to complex thinking so the speaker normally looks around a lot more. So in short, intense eye contact when listening, relax it completely when speaking.

3) To prevent eye contact from feeling weird to the other person, remember to always just focus on one eye, and don't dart from one eye to the other. That can feel awkward.

Finally, it's mostly difficult for you because you are so conscious of it. It's something you are best to make a regular habit out of working on. Maybe 10s of constant eye contact 1x per day for week one, 15s every day for week 2, 20s every day for week 3 etc. Seriously, if you have a deep issue with eye contact, this is the kind of consistency you may need to create for yourself to unwire your old habits.

SenorPuff · 2014-03-19T18:22:52+00:00

I harken back to when I read The Game and Neil mentioned dog training as a starting point for your interactions with people. The alpha dog never breaks eye contact first. If you have a dog, or know people with dogs, I really encourage you to try to alpha them. A) people don't judge you for trying to train dogs. B) There's less pressure, because if you fail at alpha-ing a dog, you can try again another day, and C)When you get used to doing it, it'll become a habit that ties over into your everyday life.

So, my goal isn't to "not be creepy" or "not be awkward" but rather, be the last one to look away. With self conscious or insecure/non-confident people, this will be really easy, they just look away, usually within a few seconds. If you find someone who IS really confident, or someone who you've built rapport with, they'll hold your gaze longer.

The game is just to not look away first, not to hold their gaze the whole time. The longer you play it, the better you'll get. Once they break gaze, feel free to look about. And you don't even have to be perfect at this. If you "win" about 70% of the time you're already imposing yourself on them, and they probably aren't even thinking about it.

Truly natural eye contact isn't 100% of the time. If you're envisioning something, it's normal to look away. If someone asks you a question, and you have to think, feel free to look off into space while you formulate your answer.

Try noticing something about them, too. Don't just glare into their eyes, but notice their eye color, their lashes, eyebrows, the bridge of their nose, the depth of the sockets. Keep track of these details. Try to figure out what exactly they're looking at when they see you. Look at what's reflecting from their eyes.

ky321 · 2014-03-19T15:24:49+00:00

Stare at the spot between the eyebrows

allnose · 2014-03-19T11:53:08+00:00

Some looking away is actually normal, which is why it feels so weird when someone stares directly into your eye. Just practice with anyone you have to talk to; friends, your boss, whoever. It'll feel weird at first, but soon it'll become habit, just like anything else, and try to make your looks away be infrequent glances to other parts of the face before reestablishing regular eye contact.

rata_rasta · 2014-03-19T17:00:29+00:00

Go from one eye to the other then to the lips. Do it while they are talking, it creates a lot of sexual tension.

ANAL_CRUMBS · 2014-03-19T18:22:51+00:00

You might think its all in the eye movement and where youre looking although it has more to do with confidence to do. When you build up a good confidence you can have a stare down with fucking anyone if youd like, hope you get my point..

Apex_of_Attraction · 2014-03-19T19:53:44+00:00

What does you internal experience feel like to you when you're sustaining eye contact? What are the thoughts going though your head? What do you think the consequences of sustaining eye contact are?

Much of the emotional distress that makes this situation uncomfortable will be due to negative thought loops. As soon as we identify them, we can begin the process of uncovering associations and adopting more empowering beliefs.

Other than that, use every opportunity you can to practice. Lower your criteria for success. Whatever is a normal time for you to hold eye contact just try to extend it slightly longer each time. Progressive exposure will desensitize you to feeling awkward in that situation.

Darragh, Apex of Attraction http://apexofattraction.weebly.com

xGrimtoothx · 2014-03-20T02:57:40+00:00

What I try to do is go in a cycle, first their left eye next their right eye and then their mouth.

2014-03-20T09:06:25+00:00

Simple, tilt your head while keeping eye contact.

This will 100% help you.

steve_n_doug_boutabi · 2014-03-24T20:09:29+00:00

I've found it helpful to have that thought in your mind that you WANT her. Not in the way a wolf looks at fresh meat but in that "you are damn beautiful, I acknowledge that, and I want to take your clothes off" kind of way. Of course this goes hand in hand with being confident but I've found that it not only allows you to maintain strong eye contact but the way your eyes dilate, and the way your eyebrows, eyelids and mouth moves, it enhances your face. I found it as a good medium between a plain face one would make talking to someone on the street and that eye-fucking face one makes when they see the girl of their dreams doing something sexy.

SillyAmerican · 2014-03-19T18:35:39+00:00

Try the triangulation method. Look from the left eye to the right to the mouth and repeat. Try 1 second intervals. One one thousand Two one thousand 3, and then feel free to mix it up.

OrionSC2 · 2014-03-19T20:54:47+00:00

I read here on seddit that u can switch looking at their eyes. Like looking 3 3-5 sec in the right eye then switch to the left eye for a bit. It will give a "glimt" in your eyes because the light reflections changes or something

Title	Any tips on maintaining strong eye contact?
Author	vlarone
Upvotes	26
Comments	24
Date	March 19, 2014 11:13 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/20svy1/any_tips_on_maintaining_strong_eye_contact/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/any-tips-on-maintaining-strong-eye-contact.1367786 https://theredarchive.com/post/1367786

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