I'm tired of being quiet, what can I do?

funkimonki · 2014-07-21T05:33:11+00:00

A few years ago i found myself in a similar situation. I grew up being the life of the party, no matter where i was or what the atmosphere entailed, then in a fit of young adult rebellion I joined the USMC and found myself slowly stripped of my personality. I had lost my ability to be personable in non military groups. The solution? I practiced with furniture. I shit you not, i got into arguements with desks, flirted with lamps and shared stories with my bed. Mind you, i never did this in public, but when i was done with the day and winding down, i would practice my conversation skills with objects. At first I felt like I had lost my mind, and lost interest after a few minutes. Over time thought i started to realize a heightened consciousness on how i communicated. I had spent so long making up non existent conversation, when a partner was presented my sociability flourished again. I found myself more sought after by women i met in social settings and my friends would seek me out to help them understand their own issues. Trust me, it sounds crazy, I'm not saying it isn't, I'm saying it works.

Ulost · 2014-07-21T16:04:35+00:00

This happened to me too. I use to be the outgoing and fun person to be around then I went to college. It may seem strange that I went to college and became socially impaired(that's what I call it).

I was in college for engineering and surrounded by serious people all the time. Sometimes I would wonder if these people were robots or some shit. I spent a lot of nights and weekends studying with very little time enjoying life and socializing. Being in this environment eventually wore off on me, I became just like them.

Now all I can do is have the more serious conversations. The boring ones. I have tried asking questions to create conversation but they seemed to be more serious in nature and I can't turn it OFF. I think I need a hobby or something.

Good thing someone else is having the same problem as me. Hopefully I can take something away from this discussion.

gentleadventurer · 2014-07-21T07:20:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2014-07-21T06:22:34+00:00

At work try to crack jokes, be sarcastic, exaggerate, be politically incorrect, criticize things aloud, have an opinion on anything or get others to do the same. I think this would help you lighten up and people would respond to it.

dolphin_flogger · 2014-07-21T07:01:48+00:00

Change your dietary intake first. L-thiamine + caffeine is a wonder drug for the socially anxious. It shouldn't be mistaken as a permanent fix, but once you realize you can do it then it becomes easier. Browse around /r/nootropics . Sometimes our bodies work better with stuff we aren't getting in a 21st century diet on a Neanderthal body.

Godrillax · 2014-07-21T12:34:36+00:00

You aren't alone OP. Thx for asking, I never really noticed my social being until I realized yours is similar to mine. I used to yell jokes and chit chat, now I'm all like "yep", " oh yeah me too ."

gentleadventurer · 2014-07-21T18:12:30+00:00

Practice using your voice. Call a friend or family member earlier in the day before you go out and have a nice chat. Read a book out loud. While driving or doing the dishes, try just saying random words and sentences, just to exercise your voice. This also helps a lot for people who mumble.

gentleadventurer · 2014-07-22T07:47:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TheRecklessCamel · 2014-07-25T05:23:18+00:00

I'm currently climbing out of the similar hole. In the past, I was very outgoing, social and in other people's words, hilarious. My social skills and personality took a dramatic hit when I made some new friends who were "too cool" and another that completely destroyed my self-esteem with his constant criticism. My past two and half years of school were being spent with my socially inept personality. I actually labelled myself as antisocial for the duration of a whole year. Now, I'm trying to reverse these effects by simply socializing with people. I can still be funny but probably no where near where I was. OP, you should just give socializing a shot and stick to it. I promise you'll get better. Another solution for me was YouTube. I really enjoy watching podcasts and videos from comedic people. I have adopted some aspects of their personalities and it resulted in me being more happy and awesome. Try also making friends with charming, positive people. Next year of school, I'm definitely going to be more social and so should you. Good luck, OP!

pacg · 2014-07-21T09:35:16+00:00

So you used to be sociable. What do you think changed?

Also you say you're outgoing when you're drunk. Being drunk relinquishes your social filters, your Freudian ego. What do you prattle on about when you're drunk?

I'm pretty outgoing but am by nature rather introverted. I enjoy my alone time. But I can also strike up a conversation with anyone about anything. More often than not I have something to say on a subject which makes conversation easy. I also practiced the art of conversation. In fact it's something I've been working on for over 20 years. It never ends. There are always new turns of phrase to learn for instance.

Talking to myself out loud, thinking out loud, works for me, especially when driving. Same goes for having imaginary conversations with people I know because I can imagine the arc of the conversation and topics we'd have in common. It also gives me a chance to loosen my vocal chords, practice modulating my voice, and hear how certain phrases sound. If you want to have a fun piece of homework, try imagining a conversation with the office flirt. Imagine what she'd talk about and how she'd respond to different things you might say. Then try a little out. It'll really surprise her I'm sure.

Oh and keep up on current events including tabloid news. I think even Neil Strauss spoke highly of Snapple cap trivia. The more you know the more opportunities you have to comment on the things that people say. I recently had a job interview and I brought up something about Kim Kardashian as a pattern interrupt. "Did you know she's only 5'1"?" That led to a whole bunch of other things which gave me a few minutes to establish rapport with my interviewer. Now if I can only get the job, haha!

One last thing. If you have nothing to say about a subject, then don't feel you need to comment on it. Sometimes I don't feel like commenting on something so I don't. For me, it's better to shut up and chill than to say something that doesn't contribute to a conversation. Feel free to take the pressure off yourself. It's when we're clutched up that we say stupid things.

And of course, listen. Active listening. Okay, that's the last thing.

2014-07-21T13:20:10+00:00

My experience with being quiet is that solving it depends on figuring out why you're not so outgoing. If it's due to a lack of confidence as it was with me, getting a hobby/starting a sport or something is how I fixed it. You become involved enough in something that it both gives you confidence in yourself and adds itself to your identity, giving you a topic to talk about if nothing else. Hell even if you don't do it, having something that you could brag about is a really great feeling.

If that isn't the cause and it's just simply the fact that you prefer to be quiet then I'd say practice is the best solution. It might be unpleasant but if you start small and do it often enough you could build yourself up to being used to chatting casually with anyone without even thinking about it. I used to be ridiculously shy and quiet so I can tell you that this can be sorted, no worries. Hope this helped mate, all the best.

Not2original · 2014-07-21T13:29:25+00:00

You can only be responsible for your actions and emotions. It's not your job to worry about others actions and emotions. (to a degree, don't try and be a twat)

If you have an opinion on a topic of conversation interject and say something. Do this all the time, just get used to talking to strangers. It helps with AA and social skills in general.

You just be your awesome self, and let everyone else worry about themselves.

The-Uprising · 2014-07-21T06:16:29+00:00

talk

nuc22 · 2014-07-21T08:55:33+00:00

open up

Title	I'm tired of being quiet, what can I do?
Author	gentleadventurer
Upvotes	36
Comments	32
Date	July 21, 2014 4:00 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2b9lxw/im_tired_of_being_quiet_what_can_i_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-tired-of-being-quiet-what-can-i-do.1373927 https://theredarchive.com/post/1373927

Comments