How do i survive being dumped?

highhopes01 · 2014-08-09T20:16:00+00:00

As somebody who recently just got out a LTR, I feel your pain, really. It is going to hurt. It will for some time. There is nothing we can say or do that will take the pain away, all we can do is help lead you in the right path to getting over this speed bump in your life.

Breakups aren't all bad. They do suck, but in any sort of lengthy relationship you seem to forget who you are. You forget what makes you happy, you forget what you do for fun, you lose your social circle. I basically had no friends at all after my relationship. When you enter a relationship you go from being able to make yourself happy, to somebody else making you happy. You forget how to make yourself happy. You have to learn yourself all over again.

Don't panic. Learning yourself all over again may take a while because you did have the boyfriend identity for some time. The best part about this is you really come back so much better than before. You have all this free time that you didn't have before in your life. Start improving yourself. Going to the gym is really generic advice on here, but it is really the best advice given on here. Working out or just running makes you feel awesome. This physical output releases so much in your head. If I go a day without working out, I feel like shit, not because I missed that workout, but because I did not get the release that it brings me.

You're beating yourself up over one girl. I watched a Todd Valentine (RSD) video, and he says it best.

"There is what 6-7 billion people on this Earth? 3 billion of those being girls. One percent of that 3 billion is 30 million. That is 30 million fucking girls with 3 million in your age group coming in every year".

Life is too short to beat yourself up over one girl. Get out there and make shit happen for yourself. You are young, working and in college. You're in a great position to meet new girls and have friends. As much as it sucks, this is not the end of the world for you. You are twenty years old. Girls will come and go. This could be the start of a great new era in your life.

Life is what you make of it, be the creator.

HH

bl1y · 2014-08-09T19:08:18+00:00

First, have other shit going on in your life. If the only thing you have to do with your time is sit around thinking about this situation you're going to make things worse.

Second, time has to pass. As time goes on you think about other shit. You have to start spending time thinking about buying groceries, or the parking ticket you just got, or something funny you saw in TV. Those little everyday things take up more and more of your thoughts until the breakup isn't on your mind any more.

And finally, don't spend your time looking at her facebook photos and otherwise following her on the internet. That's not helping you at all.

throwawayodd33 · 2014-08-09T20:09:29+00:00

First, this probably isn't the best sub for this. /r/relationships and /r/offmychest help. Maybe even /r/advice

Something else that I ask you to look into, go to /r/breakups and sort by top. Read the top 5 or so posts. They really helped. I just got out of a long relationship myself, came out of nowhere.

I wish I could say something to fix it, but I can't. The best we can do is offer advice, which those links say better than I can.

One last thing, meaningless sex with strangers is very commonly given advice here. For good reason, it stops you from putting her on a pedastal. I assume that you're at least considering it judging by you posting in this sub. It isn't for me. It might not be for you either. What I missed about my relationship was the feeling of intimacy and the emotions involved, sex with a random won't fix that. Time will. Focus on yourself, better yourself, throw yourself into keeping busy, that helped me the most. Free time was, and still is slightly, depressing. Busy hands are happy hands, right?

Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk about it or anything. Seriously though, those links in /r/breakups, read that shit. Good luck!

Edit: for the love of god, block her off of social media, not delete, delete any and all pictures, or at least put them somewhere you can't easily see them. You can't move on staring at her face. Also, just in case you're going to try and get her back or anything like that, focus on bettering yourself, that'd help your cause so much more than begging for her back. Who knows? By the time she regrets it, you might have moved on to better, happier things.

benjtrogdon · 2014-08-09T20:56:07+00:00

Ive had the EXACT same thing happen with my (ex)girlfriend of 3 years. I understand man, it was a really rough time for me. Honestly the best thing you can do is work on self-improvement. Think of some things that may build your confidence in yourself. Don't let her steak your dignity. Just remember, you cannot control the behavior of other people. The choices that other people make should not destroy your inner peace. Time will allow you to heal. I know it doesn't seem that way, but you will look back in the future and wonder why it made you so upset. And TRUST ME… I can promise you that she is still thinking about you. If she was with you for two years, it is impossible for her to just eliminate you completely from her life like that. If you were always a good boyfriend to her, I guarantee that she will regret the decision she made.

Don't look at her Facebook. Cut off all social networks. You'll just make assumptions about the smallest little things, that probably aren't even true.

Just DO NOT get down on yourself. That is the mistake that I made. Hold your head high and try to make the best of the situation. I am also 20 years old. Take is as a learning experience man. Get in contact with friends or even talk to your parents about it if you get desperate. My parents were the biggest help. You can do this buddy. Feel free to ask me any questions or if you want to talk about this. I might be able to help… or at the very least, keep your mind occupied

nycprowl · 2014-08-10T02:00:15+00:00

I was in your situation last year. Read this. http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1o114r/i_just_got_dumped_a_few_weeks_ago_here_are_the/?sort=confidence

jewfro667 · 2014-08-10T14:20:09+00:00

I was in this situation a month ago. Broke up after 1.5 years and I'm basically just adopting the mentality of it's meant to be, it'll be. She wants to be single and focus on herself, which is fine because I realized recently that even if we got back together immediately, our problems would still be there and I would rather not have the same ones. It's a long story about my breakup.

Since the time we broke up, I slept with one girl and made out with one. You should just focus on bettering yourself and then seeing what happens. I'm still optimistic about my situation and think we might get back together but I'm also not waiting for it to happen. You should do the same.

Just focus on yourself and go from there.

theCHAMPdotcom · 2014-08-11T17:06:07+00:00

I got dumped a month ago. Dated for a year, I thought I was madly in love. I can honestly say I am over it. I feel good, I feel back to normal. The only odd part is having those daily routines and rituals gone that occurred and losing a friend. I am now happy it's over.

Things to do that I did to help me get over it.

-remember the bad times. Focus on this. I gave up a lot of things I liked to be with her, she was just quicker to end it than I was.

-work on you. I compromised a lot of my goals in the relationship, I was not my ideal self, I have to be selfish now to get there. Once I am there I will feel much better about being in a relationship.

-lastly...and my favorite...there are tons of beautiful women and options out there. There is no reason to dwell.

Take chances, be bold, value yourself, it'll be fine in time!

Good luck!

KingDudeMan · 2014-08-13T01:46:37+00:00

The way I stay optimistic is by looking at emotions logically. You're lifetime is limited, you will die eventually, so being sad is an illogical thing. It doesn't make sense to waste your life being upset, so focus on moving on. You already broke up with your girlfriend, so stop sitting on the past and start looking on what you want to do next, you have to move on because you can't change the past. Best of luck to you but I don't think you'll need it since you're in college, so you're literally just oozing with opportunities for you're future!

Mott_P · 2014-08-13T17:27:09+00:00

If someone who knows how you feel, it’s me. I got dumped by my ex-fiancé of 8 years, 5 months ago. We were going to get married in September but she decided to leave without giving me a legitimate reason... anyways...

I’ll tell you what I did and that it helped a lot.

Cut her off, delete her from social media and don’t ever look back at her profile on fb. You need to apply the no contact rule, if she contacts you, ignore her, don’t talk to her because if you do It will make the healing process longer. Like they say, only time heals the wound and if you keep in contact with her or keep looking at her pics, it’s going to take longer than expected. I burned all the stuff she gave me and the pics we had taken together. Burned all that shit!
Go to the gym, it’s been 5 months now and man I tell you I feel fucking good. I look myself in the mirror and I tell myself man I’m starting to look good. Get the confidence up boy and I can assure you that ladies love a confident man not only that but they notice when you work out. They will want to touch your arms and your swollen chest (Get them gainz!!!). So no excuse and get your ass to the gym. Get them gainz , get your confidence up and make her regret leaving you ;)
Keep yourself busy, hang out with friends or even your family. If you have to go to the grocery to buy a bag of carrot, just fucking do it and who knows maybe you’ll meet a cute girl.
You need to start investing in yourself buddy, learn to become yourself again, be happy with yourself and do not try to find your happiness through others. Do the stuff you want to do, try to remember the stuff you wanted to do when you were with her but she wouldn’t let you or disliked. Guess what? You can do those stuff now. Become a better man and love yourself. You don’t need her to be awesome, become the awesome person you always wanted to be. Get out of your comfort, set yourself some goals in life and go after them.
Go out and meet people, try to socialize. I go out 2 times a week and i’ve met people that I now hang out with. I would’ve never met those people if I were still with my ex because I didn’t used to go out anymore and let me tell you, being single after 8 years is the best feeling ever. I feel like I’ve lost contact with the world... We get so caught up in this little world when we are in a relationship that we forget what’s on the outside. So trust me, go out and have fun. Enjoy life buddy. You’re 20, you’re still young. I’m 28 and I feel like I haven’t done much in my life until lately. So do me a favor and enjoy yourself.
There are girls everywhere buddy, take your ex off the pedestal and start meeting girls. Talk to them, go have coffee with them even if it means no 2nd date, who cares, just going out on a date and talking to a new girl feel fucking good. Trust me, it does get better. I didn’t used to believe it but now I do.

You can PM if you need to talk or need advice.

Sorry my English, it’s not my native language.

Title	How do i survive being dumped?
Author	LonelyStoner12
Upvotes	8
Comments	13
Date	August 9, 2014 6:58 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2d36tm/how_do_i_survive_being_dumped/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-survive-being-dumped.1374842 https://theredarchive.com/post/1374842

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