Fear of being SEEN alone in social situations. How do I fix this?

123nofap4me · 2014-09-11T12:55:19+00:00

Here is some advice, don't like awkward silences? Look out for the next one, listen the silence, be aware of the other people. Observe it. Treat it like a science experiment. I enjoy them now, i think of them as a natural rhythm in conversation. You will soon be ok with them and learn that they are natural, also they can allow for interesting changes in the direction of a conversation.

Also, regarding small talk... I once read a comment on reddit about how small talk is essential in human interaction. It is innane, meaningless conversation but we need it. People have to gauge the conversational habits and base-lines of eachother before they can move on to more meaningful conversation. You have to get a feel for how a person communicates before you can communicate properly. This totally changed my perspective on small talk and now I appreciate it.

Nenananas · 2014-09-11T13:56:22+00:00

It's also worth mentioning that I don't like small talk, everytime I do it it seems forced.

I have this same problem :/

Could_Care_Corrector · 2014-09-11T17:33:13+00:00

I used to worry about awkward silences, but they're the rhythm of a conversation, honestly.

Just sit there and hold eye contact and give her a sexy smile, give her a compliment, something about her smile, her past, story, etc. I said this last night during an awkward silence:

"I feel like there's more about you that you're hiding, do you think I'll judge you if you tell me?"
nod
"Yeah, my view of you is changing, you're starting to really get interesting..."

Then she opened up to me about something probably not more than her family and 5ish other people know, I won't tell you guys. ;)

Girls will also throw objections and ask you if you they're a whore if they tell you about their past partners, my go to is something like this; e.g.

"You'll think I'm a whore if I tell you!"
"Why would I, know what I think? I think anyone who thinks girls are sluts is frustrated and afraid of accepting that girls love sex"
"Why?"
"Because that's the way society is..."

Then she told me about having sex two nights earlier for almost ten rounds, I honestly could care less, and that genuine non-judgmental and warm emotions you bring to a conversation really matters. But I'm getting off on a tangent, that's what happens when you have so much knowledge on a subject!

Anyways to help you:

Think of going out alone like this, I do it all the time.

You are not being rejected at the venue you're at if you can't be accepted, it's impossible. I bet almost no one there has the confidence to go out alone, so they need to cling to friends. Also, make friends talk to the fat girls or average girls, they are so thirsty for a sexy man talking to them, it gives you validation and preselection for the bombshells in the room. If a dime piece sees me talking to a fat girl (don't ask me why) and she has anime eyes and is loving every bit of me, when I come up to her she'll get all giddy and be very receptive.

I'm just getting over a little bump where I'm getting really nervous in social situations like you are, it's really odd, because I never felt this way. But I found out my belief system got weak and I was a little depressed from pulling a muscle during training. All it took was reading and listening to very successful men in life, older than me, and I'm regaining lots of very experienced mindsets and game I sort of threw out the window.

I've talked at a fast rate, the best thing to do is to chill the fuck out, just focus a second on her and breathe slowly, something that helps, too, is never really checking her out until you talk to her, I find spotting women out of my peripherals then just pulling the trigger before I start thinking works best.

You aren't really the center of attention, it's just a silly girl, and the whole room isn't watching you, they're concerned with all their own problems, thoughts, and insecurities.

I used to be terrible at conversation, most of mine were one ended, and I never made eye contact, I was terrible. But I got better when I deliberately practiced mastering conversation, I probably went out of my way to have over 250-300 conversations in 2-3 months while consciously going over it after.

On not forgetting names, use their name in the conversation, and for your conscious valuing your conversational abilities badly, start to study the art of conversation. It's a beautiful thing to know how to have an emotionally charged conversation with anyone you want to meet, I think it's made my life exponentially better. You should remember these things when you're learning how to be great at it:

Get to the root; ask pointed questions, find out people's motivations, how long they've done it, what they dream about, what their past is, how they grew up, what she's passionate about.
Help others think, when you ask questions, give them a few answers; e.g. So why do you want to be a preschool teacher, what makes it so attractive? Are the kids seductive, do you miss childhood, do you have a kid trapped in you that you're afraid to express around adults?" Honestly that opened up three or four threads, we could discuss why children are so seductive, why she misses her childhood, why she doesn't let herself be free around others and express her inner child (everyone desires that)
Relate to what people say, commiserate neutrally, namely to things you feel that are important to her or important topics, then turn it back to her and ask her what good things have happened recently
Turn it back to her, if she's gaming you at all, ask her the same question, be a little limiting and humble with what you say, but ask her to expand and relate to her version of the question, that's the art of a great conversationalist
Manage the flow of the conversation, it's frustrating when you get so deep then everything just fades away and you come back to the superficiality of banter. Be witty with things and help her see things in a positive light, more often than always relating and staying deep down on a negative thread, if it's negative cut the thread
YOU MUST NOT JUDGE, this was a sticking point for me that stopped me from hearing about 90% of the deepest shit girls will never open up about. Everyone you meet will have something that clashes with your beliefs. You must teach yourself not to judge on the inside as well as on the outside, you must accept that many people are different -- but that's never bad; and you must force yourself to stop having bad, negative, derogatory thoughts of others. It's the same way with depression, you must cut negative thoughts and replace them with positive, constructive ones. Here, you must learn to free yourself of those judgmental thoughts, police them, pick out those thoughts and eradicate them. Consciously tell yourself they are bad and to stop thinking them, fight your mind and learn to accept anything anyone says to you. This will change your life, I swear.
Be someone who wants to see people succeed, put yourself in their shoes and see how you'd feel if you were them. People need you to be uplifting, motivating, and strong for them. Be a sign of hope, and also one of strength, seek to provide hope, encouragement, strength, and high spirits of those you speak with. Be honest, though, if someone gives you an idea that seems almost certain to fail, give them credit for being creative or helpful, but tell them you have strong reservations about it, and perhaps suggest an alternative.

I could go on for a few hours, there's just so much knowledge, I hope I helped. :)

Once you're reasonably advanced by the way, you will learn to accept the disappointment in other people's immature reactions called rejections, once you accept that, you won't be stuck anymore! Something I forgot to say...

SundbergBLC · 2014-09-11T13:06:02+00:00

If you are affraid of being in the spotlight, why not just stay in the background? I love being there, when I'm in a group of 5-6 friends I try to make sure I follow their conversation, comment some topics, laugh when needed, and if the spotlight is on you, just be yourself. I don't know this feeling of being affraid of it, I don't understand it to be honest. But I can give you tips of not being affraif of it.

Don't force a conversation. If you don't have anything to come with, let your friends pick up the "ball of fire".
If you are with only one friend, try to dominate. Try to tell him the latest bs about another friend, try to look at the environment, comment the latest news about a party you heard about (example: heard this party gonna blow haha, are you attending to it?) This will give you the dominance, doesnt have to be a party but something similar will work just as well.

I can come up with more but I need to attend to my class now.

GL

nihozumi · 2014-09-11T14:23:29+00:00

Keep reminding yourself that they are probably crapping themselves even more than you. In fact they are thinking so much about how they are coming across that they probably haven't even noticed how you're acting. So just relax and keep it natural.

philosarapter · 2014-09-11T18:01:42+00:00

As an experiment next time you are in a conversation, purposely create an awkward silence and then sit through it. Just bring your attention to your breathing and slow it down. Nice deep breaths, and just sit with that awkwardness. Stay silent until the other person speaks up. This is how you begin to overcome the fear of awkwardness, by existing in it without panic or fear.

In the mean time, you should be exploring these fears in order to understand yourself better. You fear that people will abandon you for not being able to generate interesting conversation. Get to the root of these abandonment issues and work to resolve them. While people were necessary to your survival when you were a child, they are no longer necessary. Even if you lose all of your friends, you'd survive, you'd still get up and go to work, you'd still eat and sleep... eventually you'd make new friends and life goes on.

Fear wants to convince you that something will be the literal end of the world, but we know this is not the case, we just have to prove it to ourselves.

Finally, take control of your mind and shut up that negative voice in your head. Your mental frame is kept in check by filtering out the negative thoughts and swelling your confidence with positive thoughts. If you can alter your reaction of cynicism, you'll do much better in all social interaction.

2014-09-11T14:32:30+00:00

You got some problems dude. You focus way to much on others.

Title	Fear of being SEEN alone in social situations. How do I fix this?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	12
Comments	14
Date	September 11, 2014 12:17 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2g3ieb/fear_of_being_seen_alone_in_social_situations_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fear-of-being-seen-alone-in-social-situations-how.1376382 https://theredarchive.com/post/1376382

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