Background TL;DR

Had a day out in the capital to get a holiday visa organised at an embassy. It was my birthday. Got some spare hours in the middle of the day before I had to get back to the embassy. Went round the city exploring. Decided I could explore alone or explore with someone else and actually have a fun birthday. Cold approached for the first time ever. Results have had me interested in pick up as a skill since.

The FR

‘It’s my choice. We can either both be alone and bored. Or we can share together and have fun’

I was feeling great. It was my birthday, sunshine beaming down and had a few hours to whittle away before getting back to the embassy. Was walking by the riverbank and thought to myself and saw other people around by themselves too. There was a girl about 100 yards ahead, again solo. That’s when I said to myself ‘It’s my choice. We can either both be alone and bored. Or we can share together and have fun’.

I managed to catch up to her side with a big smile an eye contact and holding my hand out for a handshake.

“Hi, I’m hakking nice to meet you. Are you exploring round here?”

She shook my hand, but her body swayed back a little as if she was surprised. I didn’t react.

“Why?

“I’m here sorting out a holiday visa, but I got a few hours out to explore. I thought maybe we can go together”

“Oh yeah. My name’s Carmen (changed). I’m going to the gallery”

“Great, let’s go”

“… have you done this before?”

“What?”

“Ask a stranger-“

“Ah no not before. I just thought I’d have more fun this way”

She turned out to be a cute Mexican arts student (I couldn’t actually tell before I approached) and was there as a tourist. Her logistics situation was that she only had a few days in the country, was staying with a relative and had to get back by early afternoon. We went round this gallery exhibition together – all the time escalating the kino from the elbow to upper arm, upper back. Occasionally, we’d see different exhibits separately whilst exploring some rooms – a few times if I wanted her to check out something I’d hold out an outstretched palm and she’d take it.

She wanted to get something to eat with me after the exhibition. We’re holding hands by this point. We grab a crepe and sit next to eachother around a circular table. She slowly reveals how poorly she’s planned her day, she doesn’t have her relative’s phone number and she doesn’t have hers. Its gets close to the time she has to leave and says she doesn’t mind leaving her relative waiting (even though she possesses the only key to her apartment).

It’s at this point I realize that she wants to stay with me and the power of the connection that we built. I found it a bit shocking. I invited her to another gallery with me but told her that it would make her very late. She seemed in two minds. I eventually said that she should go meet her relative, however. I walked her to her train station and parted ways after a goodbye hug and kiss on the cheek.

I realized part of me didn’t want to close. I could have quite easily kissed her, and without much persuasion taken her home – but I stopped myself. Sounds a bit cheesy, but all I really wanted was the connection and I got it. All the other sequelae were a bit frightening. She wanted more. Poor girl was looking for anything to try and stay another 5 mins with me – why don’t we drop into this café etc

Action points

Address issue of self-rejection after hook. It’s clearly not normal to randomly go around and try and develop emotional connections with girls.

Always be closing. I didn’t have the closer mentality even though she quite clearly wanted to be closed.

Personal reflection

  1. Realize that your company is a gift that you can share with women is a huge mindset shift. Too often I got hung up on wondering if I would be bothering another person or invading their space - that's their decision to make for whatever reason - you offer your gift, regardless.

  2. Kino is an incredible art. There's so many different ways to kino. I think the di carlo escalation ladder is a great framework - but it can be built upon a great deal. I think some of the experiments in holding out the open palm for her to take were a first step into learning a bit more about this.