Techniques to get a girlfriend and not just a ONS?

Fentrix · 2015-02-27T11:52:49+00:00

I find that girls I have an interest in seeing more than once, I try to not have sex with them the day we meet. To get a relationship in this case, I meet with them often, cuddle into the inapproriate areas so it's clear I have sexual intention, but then deny us both. On the dates, I'm a super gentleman, actually I almost always am. Pulling doors, pulling chairs, getting their orders from them and relaying it to the staff and doing it right every time (shows you pay attention). You also need to run through a routine of "how was the time when we were apart" if they work ask them about work and let them talk about it and if they have a problem, don't try to fix it, just sympathize "oh that saddens me to hear" or the less dommy "I'm sorry to hear that" (but not "I'm sorry" don't apologize for stuff other people do to her). In the cases where I want to be a boyfriend to a person, usually that person is very charming and they will be using their charm on me too. And this charm makes me genuinely interested but if you aren't genuinely interested then fake interest (but if you aren't, then why even consider spending as much time as a gf requires).

That said, in the past two years 3 of the six long term relationships I started we did have sex on the first day. One of them, (the one that I've stuck with to now, well, that's complicated) we had sex three times, just going from location to location between sessions (some of it was public sex). The other 3, one I was dating her for a month, another I was 'friends' with her for two months (she was already dating 4 guys, I helped navigate her out of one of them to make room for me. fucking second biggest mistake of my life, probably), and then another had a master, and we frienddated for a few months before she dropped her collar, and I gave her mine. I think I should say that 3 of those were D/s relationships which operate a little differently than bf/gf.

bl1y · 2015-02-27T14:07:53+00:00

Having sex that night or on the D2 doesn't really make much difference either way for converting to an LTR.

What matters is having a person connection, not just a physical one. The morning after having sex, can you remember anything about her? Can you remember something you talked about that wasn't just fluff or flirting? And more importantly, what is she going to remember about you?

Imagine after having sex, you ask her out, she accepts, and then before the date she goes out with her friends for brunch and she mentions the upcoming date. They ask basic questions about you, "What's his name? Where's he from? What's he do?" and so on. If her answer is just "Uh... Whydid. Not sure what he does, something in ...stuff. And I think he's from a place, maybe," her friends' opinion of her is going to sink (not necessarily saying it should, but it will). She knows how that conversation would go, so of course she's not going to bring it up at brunch.

That same thing plays out with her subconscious. She doesn't want to judge herself for sleeping with a guy who she really knows nothing about, and going on another date with you -- a date during which she'd try to find out more of this basic info -- is going to make her too aware of the fact that she slept with you without knowing anything about you. Instead, her subconscious will tell her to avoid you.

Read up on conversation techniques to figure out how to work in this information without it becoming reading each others' resumes. Simple way is to pair the information with emotion, "Do you get to go home often?" That gets emotions involved, rather than just dry info, and she'll give you the info during her answer.

Also, don't come on too strong. A girl having sex with you doesn't mean she's ready to settle down, and not being ready to immediately settle down doesn't mean she won't be open to it after getting to know you better. Becoming clingy right away with a "we had sex, now you have to be my girlfriend" mentality is going to scare her off.

zifey · 2015-02-27T05:46:54+00:00

In my view, the faster you can get her in bed, the more comfortable a relationship is. The easiest way to convert a ONS into a relationship is showing selflessness during the ONS. Offer them water/coffee/drinks when you get back to your place. Most importantly, amaze her with sex. That is, be really good at making her feel good during sex, and be eager to show her how good you are. I don't stop until they come (within reason: if it ain't happening, it ain't happening), which many women aren't used to. Often, this actually leaves me too tired to finish myself off. That's fine. Most girls are amazed that you don't put yourself first. In the morning, offer them coffee and breakfast (cook it yourself, or take them somewhere). Then, leave them alone for about a week before making other plans. Try to keep plans at once a week until ya'll get closer.

Just don't look desperate. Know what you do well, and show them.

It goes without saying to have a pristine place to bring them back to.

DaygameCoach · 2015-02-28T01:16:19+00:00

Part of this is being clear in your intent and part is screening for women with similar goals. I have written about this here: http://www.daygamer.net/2012/07/06/how-to-get-the-right-girlguy-communication-skills-101/

ThrowawayPUA · 2015-02-27T06:30:54+00:00

Most long term relationships start with sex soon after the first meeting. You need attraction first, you can become friends after.

joshsway · 2015-02-27T14:20:41+00:00

Sex first is the easiest way.

Title	Techniques to get a girlfriend and not just a ONS?
Author	whydidilose
Upvotes	3
Comments	11
Date	February 27, 2015 4:44 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2xbiu3/techniques_to_get_a_girlfriend_and_not_just_a_ons/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/techniques-to-get-a-girlfriend-and-not-just-a-ons.1384589 https://theredarchive.com/post/1384589

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