How do I stop second guessing myself? + Thoughts on No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover

Bigfacemo · 2015-03-14T16:05:13+00:00

Don't beat yourself up too much.
I was there a handful of months ago after my divorce.
It's ok to second guess yourself.....as long as you still act. When the second guessing keeps you from performing it's time to ring the alarm. I could be wrong, but with the girl, you are thinking Z. What I mean is you are missing the progression and assuming the final outcome. Start with A - a simple smile and a "hello." Then B - a smile and a "how are you?" Make sense? This is talked about in Models. Read it again.
Lastly, we all get down from time to time. Just keep trudging forward friend.

skinisblackmetallic · 2015-03-14T16:17:47+00:00

There are exercises in those books. You don't change by reading a book, you change by applying the principles, through action, over time. There's also a forum inspired by NMMNG.

-Ratel- · 2015-03-14T19:22:36+00:00

I am in a similar road. 1) do the exercises in the book. They really help. 2) One safe person will do. Try to find one, its really helpful. 3) Another great exercise is becoming aware of the thoughts. Go out and notice your thoughts. When you come back home write them down. Then consciously question them, see if they make sense, then rewrite them in a more positive light. Work this new beliefs in your head, imagining what would have happened if you had such new thoughts in that situation. Then you go out again and test it in real life (do the behavior-approach/k-close whatever). The best way to solve this is by questioning and TESTING those thoughts in real life.

PRO-Tip1: Start small and be persistent.
PRO-Tip2: It will be uncomfortable to do, but the only way out is through. Once you get rid of one of those toxic beliefs you realize that your fear of the thing was a lot greater than the thing in itself.

frozenGrizzly · 2015-03-15T02:14:21+00:00

I know what you mean. After I started reading No More Mr. Nice Guy...I realized, "this is me, this is exactly me" and it tore my world apart. I ended up driving my car around 3 different counties all night long, just thinking about what I read, my life, and the implications of it all.

But, I really haven't made much progress since then. Seems every time I tackle an excuse not to be more social, I just think up another one. Knowing what you have to do...is a lot different than actually doing it. And even when you decide to do something you always think, "is this enough? Am I social now? No...couldn't be. Social people do these kinds of things all the time, I only did just this one thing, so I'm still a loser. A loser pretending to be socially well-adjusted human being."

I imagine that setting small goals for yourself, letting yourself have those small victories without beating yourself up for not quite yet reaching your higher expectations, and internalizing all this stuff...takes a long time of actively trying to make a change.

JessePinkman88 · 2015-03-15T08:40:54+00:00

It seems like you are overwhelmed with the amount of change you need to make and it is paralyzing you from taking action. You need to start very simple. Eg. start making longer eye contact with everyone. Work on that one thing for a few weeks, maybe months if that's what it takes. Be willing to over-step the mark with it (eg. hold eye contact until it becomes too uncomfortable). Take note of how people may subtley react to you now that you are holding stronger eye contact and use those positive result to motivate you into making other changes in your life.

Mark Manson does say you should focus on trying only one thing at a time and incrementally push yourself until it becomes a habit. If you can just focus on these incrementaly, slow, day by day changes, 6 months later you will be surprised how much your behavior may have changed.

You said one of your stories is "I'm fat"...well is there one little thing you can do today to start to change that belief into "I'm overweight, but I'm working on losing it and that sets me apart from most other people". Today, just cut out one coffee, or walk to the end of your street and back...it's seems like nothing but you start to build it up and up and before you know it you're walking 30 mins a day and the weight is really starting to drop. Reward yourself by reminding yourself that you took action today and that is a great thing and you can rest easy tonight. Big changes are difficult to notice while they are happening, it's not until you look back after a while and see that you have, indeed, made permanent changes to your habits.

I hope you understand? Change is a very slow, consistent pursuit which does not require you to throw yourself into largely anxious situations but rather small, slightly uncomfortable expanding of your boundaries is the path of least resistance.

Big_TX · 2015-03-14T18:15:18+00:00

too afraid of what can happen if I tell this co worker that I don't like them and ask them to just stay away from me

You are afraid to do that because you have enough social i telegenic to know that doing that would he retarded. that would be hurtful the to coworker. It would make things awkward at work. Your probably get a reputation as a dick head. General employees are soposed to work to geather and be respectful and not insult each other. And you could easly get in troubel. DONT DO THAT.

Ok so model gives you different perceptions That help with relationships. But that won't get you girls.

Dude you have all this anxiety over your lifestyle, go make your lifestlye better. Join some social things. Make friends and stuff. And do be a dickhead in social grupes. And go get in shape. There goes a lot of your anxiety about your self. If you'd struggle with cravings check out /r/keto. Once you get into ketosis you don't realy have cravings. And half adding dieting makes it hearder than doing s legit diet.

I guess what I'm saying is: Actual do the things in the book, just having different perceptions won't help you get girls.

The more frequently you socilize the better you will get. Frequency is the key because you build up momentum.

You can watch the bluelrent decided by RSD tyler if more infromation in that.

You can ask me questions if something did not make since, I'm tired and have a headache righ now so this post is not my best work haha.

SecondThreat · 2015-03-14T16:09:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	How do I stop second guessing myself? + Thoughts on No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	52
Comments	20
Date	March 14, 2015 1:17 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2z0lgj/how_do_i_stop_second_guessing_myself_thoughts_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-stop-second-guessing-myself-thoughts-on.1385289 https://theredarchive.com/post/1385289

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