How can I love myself fully?

aznmike · 2015-08-13T19:08:30+00:00

I know how you feel. I think mindfulness practice could really benefit you as it teaches you to come to terms with yourself, both the good and the bad. Check out r/Meditation. They have lots of useful guides.

kaminskies · 2015-08-13T22:09:06+00:00

Try to get to know yourself to the fullest. Meditation, as suggested by /u/aznmike is a great way for this. Another possibility is to go talk to a therapist, but the most important thing is to just do it. The first difficult task is to strip away all expectations and self-images you've layered over yourself since childhood. I'm not really qualified to show you a path here as this is the thing I'm still working on by myself. You get the idea and there are a lot of resources online.

Simultaneously embrace what you discover about yourself, accept it as a part of yourself. If there's something you really can't stand, work on it. But only one thing at a time and try to change this habit continuously until you do it without thinking about it. I'm talking months. A long time? You've got at the very least 30 years left to live life. Imagine doing something occasionally over a 15 sec. period and enjoying it for the rest of the hour when you'll do it too without really thinking about it. That's something every lazy person dreams about. No need to rush.

Always remember that anything that you do is what you do, not what you are. It's a habit you can change if you want to. But who you love, what music, movies and sports you do like, that's all you. Discover who you are and who/what you enjoy.

So take it easy, take your time to get to know yourself, accept what you discover and if habits have to change, change one at a time. All of this has nothing to do with anybody else's influence. They do things for all sorts of reasons, none of which have anything to do with you. It's their conscious or unconscious reflection of themselves and what part of them they see in you. It's the same vice versa.

I hooked up with the hottest girl I've met yet, because she saw us as something akin to Beauvoir/Sartre. Honestly, I did too. Then she didn't anymore and began to notice the flaws she and I had in common. So we didn't hook up anymore, though I'm actually way better looking, confident and thoughtful now than I was back then. I was a wreck, physically and mentally. Still I got her. She was a wreck too, I'd deduct. A hot mess. I looked for what I was in others, I just got lucky that I found it in somebody really hot.

You're looking for validation, so you only get low self-esteem girls that need validation too. You don't want that. Fuck validation. Look into yourself and you find everything you want out of life. Then just go outside and "be yourself" and you'll magically navigate towards all the fun stuff and people. You'll get rejected sometimes and it'll suck, but it won't suck you in. You simply won't let someone who didn't even give you a chance have any impact on your self worth. You won't give a fuck about worth. You are living life, that's it. But don't think about these two paragraphs too much, it's not the goal but the path that counts.

muddybunny3 · 2015-08-14T06:03:54+00:00

I had this problem, but I found a simple solution. I could not love myself if I knew I was doing wrong in any way (saying offensive things, gossiping, being mean in general) because a person who does things like that is not loveable. Secondly, I decided that since I am now always trying to send out good intentions, I should not hold myself back from doing/saying what I want. If you truly believe in what you're doing and know your intentions are good, you cannot feel fear or guilt when acting on them.

Once you are a loveable person, and you are going for what you want in life without hesitation, you will begin to love yourself and your confidence will skyrocket. Girls will feel good around you and enjoy being with someone who is confident, comfortable with himself, and void of feelings such as regret, guilt, anxiety, or unhappiness.

Morokweng · 2015-08-14T07:37:07+00:00

For example, when I see a cute girl checking me out then I feel good about myself but when I don't get checked out then I feel bad about myself. The reason why I want to love myself more is because I "chase" woman and a relationship so I can feel good about myself. Lately I have been going through a lot of insecurities because I've been rejected by girls who I find attractive and my self image gets low.

Yes... The reason you keep getting rejected is the same reason you're pursuing girls: you want validation from their approval of you.

You're like a homeless person going up to someone with a paper cup asking for spare change, you're asking them to give you something in exchange for nothing, because you see no inherent value in yourself. While you may not realize it, when you talk to girls you are probably engaging in approval-seeking behaviours that are motivated by your main overarching need for validation. People can detect this on a subconscious level, and much like the beggar its repulsive.

Trying to love yourself is maybe the wrong approach. Instead think of it more like freeing yourself from dependence on validation and approval from other people. This takes time, there's no magic solution. I find it helps to realize that happiness and confidence are supposed to be your default state, and when you compare yourself to others or depend on others, you are rationalizing yourself out of that default state. It also helps to enter into interactions with a mindset of neutrality or of giving, i.e. that by interacting with this person, you are giving something of value, you are bringing them into your fun, or at the very least not expecting anything from them. Treat interactions as their own reward and for your own amusement rather than an exercize where you have to entertain or impress them.

Try reading this book too, it might give you some insight into the root of your need for women's approval - https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

JessePinkman88 · 2015-08-14T11:08:14+00:00

Loving yourself can be a difficult concept to grasp, I prefer "feeling good about yourself".

You can start feeling good about yourself by putting yourself first (investing in yourself). Work out what things make you happy and do more of it. Set boundaries of what you will and will not accept from people, look after your appearance (without obsessing), seize opportunities to socialise and express yourself freely.

The more that you can proove to yourself that you can have an enjoyable life regardless of women, the less you will care whether they are checking you out or not.

Then, ironically you become more attractive to them (the investment paradox).

xSick · 2015-08-14T05:33:42+00:00

I understand, I think I'm in your position like "What if I didn't have these looks, then how would I be confident"? I want to be naturally like confident.

WonderBoy59 · 2015-08-14T06:48:10+00:00

I mean, you could try both hands?

Title	How can I love myself fully?
Author	TheRealDeal333
Upvotes	7
Comments	9
Date	August 13, 2015 6:54 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3gvreg/how_can_i_love_myself_fully/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-can-i-love-myself-fully.1392468 https://theredarchive.com/post/1392468

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