Decided to actually APPROACH women at the club today- I can honestly say that at this point I have absolutely NO idea what is so wrong with me.

ech87 · 2015-08-15T07:26:46+00:00

Firstly, breathe, relax, the last thing you want to do is let this get to you. Instead of focusing on the bad- that you got rejected, focus on the good- that you had the balls to step out of your comfort zone, and do something different, that is the ONLY way any progress will be made, so while the night might have seemed like a failure it was actually a huge success, and 90% of people never get past what you did, they'll spend the rest of their lives in their comfort zones, eventually settling for some chick they don't really like because it was the easy option.

Honestly, i'm not fucking around here, getting past approach anxiety is single-handedly the biggest hurdle for every single person looking to get laid, but if you look at this as a failure it will fuck you're progress up, look back, laugh, appreciate and enjoy the process "I can't believe I just did that"

Secondly stop worrying about looks. I know it's hard because guys place so much emphasis on looks in women, but they matter far far less than you think. Also stop sizing yourself up against other people, you don't know jack shit about them, looking at other people is like seeing their instagram photos a tailored image they want to project to their world, for all you know they could have some fucked up shit going on in their heads -who knows? The key is to not give a fuck. Focus on being a better you each day, not being better than your perception of other people. If anxiety and being self-conscious are a problem take up meditation, that shit is like free Xanax.

Third, fuck clubs, they're literally the worst place to pick up women, women have their bitch shields up, if ever they cared about looks that would be the environment it would happen in. Most of the time they're looking to have fun with their girlfriends. You either need to be really really ridiculously good looking or have a shit load of status, hot bitches on your arms, people coming up and saying hey to you, private tables etc etc etc.

Are you just going up to girls and dancing out of the blue? That doesn't really work unless you're really really good looking. There was a graph somewhere that shows women think 80% of guys are below average, which makes like 15% average and 5% above average. Don't beat yourself up about it, ugly guys get hot chicks all the fucking time, it just takes practice, fortunately, you've sacked up and started approaching women so you're already ahead of the curve.

Wanna meet chicks, talk to them at bus stops, libraries, galleries, the fucking supermarket, run up to them on the street and say hey, you're cute, what's you're name? Pretty much any-fucking-where other than in clubs. Fuck all the shit about what to say, openers, bla bla, focus on being happy and enjoying the scenario and the rest falls into place, that's the secret, 90% of the shit you see online doesn't matter the only thing these PUA's have in common is they've done this shit enough to be confident and enjoy the process, the rest - what to say, body language, etc falls in place naturally.

There will be a shit load more mistakes you make, you won't move fast enough and she will lose interest, you won't pick up on her flirty signals and she'll next you, she'll flake on the date and you'll never hear from her again, eventually it will click, it always does for people who keep at it, the problem is most people don't. You know those cheese images with like "how people see success and its a straight line, then the other is how success actually is and it's all squiggly - well - that...

Focus on you - you're goals. Celebrate the wins. Leave your ego out of the losses. Keep on trucking and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.

Honestly it will happen, just don't let this shit get you down, and stop sizing yourself up to other people you know nothing about, I was shit with women to start and now i'm fucking a stripper who's my bottom bitch, my ex is cheating on her boyfriend with me and I have two casual fuck buddies to fill the gaps! You CAN learn this shit, but it's like the gym (or anything worth doing in life), it takes time and dedication.

Morokweng · 2015-08-15T09:23:18+00:00

looking at myself in the mirror to see if I truly am as ugly as women perceive me to be

You're a dumbass. You think this is about looks when its clearly about your crippling lack of self esteem.

Imagine you're walking along the street, and a beggar comes up to you with a paper cup asking for spare change. You throw some change in his cup... You probably did that mostly to get rid of him, because you, me, and everyone else, are repulsed by people who come and try to take value from us while offering nothing in return. Its an instinctual thing.

This is how girls feel when you approach them when you have no self-esteem. You see no inherent value in yourself, so you go up to a girl expecting her to validate you by paying attention to you.

If you're having fun in a club, and you try to include a girl into the fun that you are already having, then it'll probably go well. If you go up to a girl who is having fun and try to dance with her so that you'll have fun, then you're basically a beggar asking her to fill up your paper cup, and she will be repulsed.

It has nothing to do with your looks. It's all about your self esteem and your intent.

puaacct · 2015-08-15T08:47:40+00:00

Look, I've had nights where I just get completely shut out, sometimes with particularly nasty rejections. I've had girls physically push me away from them (or their friends), tell me to "fuck off"... the list goes on.

I've also gotten rejected consistently by 6-7s only to f-close an 8 later in the night. It makes no sense. While this sub preaches learning from your mistakes and analyzing your interactions, I don't really try to think that hard about rejections anymore. They just happen...until they don't.

The one caveat here is that I have realized that I have more success in certain venues vs. others. I really don't do well in clubs, so I pretty much avoid them.

AWildChinAppears · 2015-08-15T12:06:16+00:00

check out r/amiugly to see if you're actually ugly. I thought I was until I posted there, now I realise that it's more about my game. If you're not ugly, then the problem is your game. You clearly lack self-esteem so my advice would be to get more comfortable in your own shoes and just like with any skill, it takes time and practice.

2015-08-15T22:25:55+00:00

You're more than good looking enough to be attractive to girls man but like others have said physical attraction is a very small part of the equation.

One thing I found is that even subconsciously a lot of guys, myself included, sometimes give off that "will you approve of me" look when approaching women.

So before you even open your mouth they get the sense that "great, this guy doesn't have enough confidence and he wants me to make him feel good about who he is..."

I would continue to approach large numbers of women because sometimes you just have a bad night and just try to read their body language a little bit more carefully. You also might be getting a lot of shit test so without knowing more about the specific scenarios of each rejection it's a little hard to tell

TissueReligion · 2015-08-15T07:22:01+00:00

It is basically the social norm in western night bars/clubs for any girls to be hesitant about dancing with a stranger doing approaches on the dance floor. You look good! Its not about you, most any other guy trying that would have had a similar experiences. Dance floor game takes very high energy.

Try doing approaches off the dance floor. It's much less effort.

Feel better!

byebye247 · 2015-08-15T07:07:55+00:00

Its pronounced womans

ComradeZac · 2015-08-16T00:24:54+00:00

No offense but you're problem is because your black trying to dance with white girls. plus your face is shit and your hair is fluffy.

Title	Decided to actually APPROACH women at the club today- I can honestly say that at this point I have absolutely NO idea what is so wrong with me.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	19
Date	August 15, 2015 6:37 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3h2mup/decided_to_actually_approach_women_at_the_club/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/decided-to-actually-approach-women-at-the-club.1392539 https://theredarchive.com/post/1392539

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