Feel like a loser cause everyone has sex and relationships so frequently and I can't.

normanly · 2015-10-21T03:59:08+00:00

I feel extremely bad knowing that guys a chicks my age are having sex left and right and I can't even get a date. Guys are having tons of sexual...

[–]das_pelko 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]normanly[S] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Turlast 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]normanly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]Turlast 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]normanly[S] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Turlast 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]normanly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]TheXXL 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

But whenever I hear women talk about q guy being hot, cute, sexy etc.

So? did it ever occur to you that most people, and that includes most women too, talk one thing and do the other? Women for instance always talk about what theyx want in a guy: he has to have tattoos, muscles, thick hair, blue eyes, tall whatever... and there comes the reality, look at their boyfriends. They very rarely look that way, and if you ask why there is such difference in what they say and what they do, they mostly answer with the following words: "I don´t know why, but i love him so much!"

The point is that people who act on instinct, rather than thinking about it, don´t know what they really want. They believe that what they want is what society and the media tell us. In the womens case, they simply talk about what they think a man must look like to bring with him then qualities they are attracted to:

Strong, can keep her safe, defend her and her children.
Dominant, he can lead, so he must be successful
Witty/Humourous, make her feel good emotions
Confident, does not easily get manipulated, does not break down because she is emotional

There are more things, but it all boils down to one core quality: make her feel safe. You are the rock that she can lean on whenever she feels insecure.

I think that's where I'm out of options unless I get some sort of plastic surgery I don't think I have the natural beauty that most men do.

Natural beauty is one strategy to successful mate, but it´s not what women look for rather than a easy indication of the qualities they seek for, and those are easy to show even without looking like a model.

[–]normanly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]TheXXL 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

When I do see women's boyfriends even I can see why she likes him, for one reason or another. I don't really see those qualities in me, or one that I think women would like.

It´s funny how different our experiences are, since i have always had many female friends, i have seen many different guys they fell for. I can only remember very few guys that i would say are physically above average good looking. Most guys where pretty average to sometimes even: "wow, halloween is so far away, take off your ugly mask". But this shows that other qualities make women want men. I myself are not the best looking guy, too much weight, shaved head due to recessing hair, and still i am impressed what i have become just by countering my physical flaws with confidence, psychological knowledge, humor, strong opinions and an overall fearless way of interacting with all people i meet.

I think based on actions women mostly go for the best looking guys, I don't blame them I just notice that's the case.

Some do, most don´t. Since most women don´t actively apporach. It´s the men that do. And i can also tell you why you most of the times see those guys going for it, because they have confidence in themselves, they probably don´t know how it is to be rejected, so they have no fear. For their whole life people were treating them with high value, this is how the human mind works, he looks appealing, ibe must be high value, therefore he must be confident, strong etc. This is called projection, and happens with every human being in some situations.

When they get hit on by an attractive guy, it's good, when he's unattractive, it's look on as bad.

This is because they have the experience, that guys that are not good looking, are also not confident. They get easily thrown over by a little shit test, and this is not attractive. How in hell should he be able to protect her when he is not even able to handle a little attack on your ego?

I say it once again, looks are not the main attractor, they are just the visible proof for attractive qualities that women want in a man. And if you still don´t believe me, ask your female friends what characteristics they find attractive rather than physical appearance, and you will be very shocked to hear the same thing i told you already.

[–]normanly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]TheXXL 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I'll be honest I don't have the courage to ask my few female friends on what they find attractive. Mostly because I kinda already know their answers but also because I know none of that stuff really describes me.

Haha ok, this one is easy. I had that too, years ago... I was scared of getting that appaled reaction that shows me how ugly i am. When i started with pickup, i learned a few things i put into action. Then some time later i had that talk with a female friend, and it was not pleasant for me, since they indeed said all this crap about badboys, muscles, tattoos, thick hair etc.

I started to learn more, experience more myself, and came to a conclusion that i wanted to test out. So i sat with 3 female friends, and the husband of one of them, and i began to ask what they found attractive in a guy. Same shit, bla bla bla bla. But i was prepared this time, so i asked one little question: "How does your boyfriend/husband compare to what you say?" hahah the got all confused, since they were nothing at all like what they described, so i shed some light on to it by explaining it to them, about the qualities etc.

You can guess that they were liestening to me with a look in their eyes that said: "wtf?" but i pulled through it with my frame, since i only talked about what could clearly be seen. It didn´t take long for them to agree with me, and one of the three, the single one even became very attached to me, looking at me with total fuck me eyes. I was not into her so i did not act upon it, but this showed me that confidence, a strong opinion, dominance and all that, makes up for not looking ideally good, and also, it did not hurt me at all.

[–]plzbefreeusername3 points 10 years ago [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]normanly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Falk358 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]plzbefreeusername1 points 10 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]normanly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]normanly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Psychocist 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]normanly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]TeddyBongwater 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]Boovs4life 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]TeddyBongwater 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]normanly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]TheXXL 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

I've read some articles 9n the subjects but most seem kind of misogynistic

What a load of bullshit.

or I would come off as a creep because a lot of those pickup lines would be wierd coming from a guy who isn't very attractive like myself.

Then be attractive. Show off all the qualities that make you attractive, and looks are just a tiny portion of it.

People told me to be myself around women and not to assume all of them are looking for sex.

Half true, half bullshit. If you are not confident, have a strong opinion, love yourself for who you are, then don´t be yourself. Also never listen to friends that have no knowledge of psycholgical human behavior. They are just imprinted by Movies, Magazines andl all that crap that tells us to be the nice guy, since only nice guys get the the girl, which is total bullshit aswell.

The internet tells me otherwise but in real life it just doesn't seem to translate.

What pickup teaches is not a magical recipe that you just have to do exactly like it´s written to get every woman. It is a knowledgebase from many different people, with many different approaches to it, which over time got some similarities worked out that in most cases work. This does not meant that it works for eveyone and on every girl. It still comes down to practice, and findig your own sweet spot. This takes time, and a lot of failure. But in the end, if you are able to learn from your mistakes, and not stick to things that clearly don´t work for you, you will get more and more successful, regardless of how much muscles you have, or how much hair you have left etc.

I feel physical attraction is what's really disqualifying me from women.

Nope. Its your personality that is not attractive. You doubt yourself, probably always. This probably leads to you not even trying, and when you try, you do it once or twice and it fails. Then you think: "i need to look like adonis, or i will die a virgin". This is not helping you.

Instead do the following: Tell yourself that you are attractive for your confidence, strong will, intelligence whatever you are. It comes hard at first, but you will feel it over time. Then go out with that mindest, and when a girl rejects you, laugh about it, take the next one. Don´t take it personal.

[–]normanly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Well, I've read stuff on being persistent and not accepting no for an answer and I'm no expert but that sounds little pushy to me.

Then be attractive.

I don't think it's that simple. You can't really just magically change you way you look all of a sudden.

Well even the nice guy can have girlfriends, so by default I think I even envy the nice guys.

It's just that women always talk about the good looking guys and I just wonder how a not so good looking guy like me can even compete with all the guys they look for. It's hard to ignore when women, both in real life and on the internet, clearly explain what they look for in a boyfriend and to see that you don't meet any of that criteria it does feel bad.

After a lot of failure I do tend to doubt myself. That's why I'm contemplating on just stopping. Try to focus on myself and keep building my foundation, pretend that women don't exist I guess and go on about my business.

I believe I have confidence in certain areas, none of which I believe would translate to a woman's interest, I've been through to tough things especially lately and I've been the only one to actually get anything done in my family so I am pretty proud of that.

[–]TheXXL 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't think it's that simple. You can't really just magically change you way you look all of a sudden.

I wrote that before, and i never claimed it to be simple. It is a progress that takes time and persistence. You will lose if you don´t fight.

Well even the nice guy can have girlfriends, so by default I think I even envy the nice guys.

Yes they can, but i would say it´s much harder for them, i speak from experience.

It's just that women always talk about the good looking guys and I just wonder how a not so good looking guy like me can even compete with all the guys they look for. It's hard to ignore when women, both in real life and on the internet, clearly explain what they look for in a boyfriend

Like i wrote: they say, but then they do the opposite.

Haven´t you ever heard of girls saying they would never have a one night stand, but then suddenly they are? Haven´t you ever heard of girls saying they want to be treated like a princess, but then they find a guy that does that, and they break up because he is so lame? Haven´t you ever heard of girls that say "you are just a good friend" and then, one night at partying they get all over you and you fuck her?

I heard it all, experienced it all, had it all. Women act on emotions, rather than logical choices. That is simply fact. So become the guy that make their emotions go up and down like a rollercoaster.

and to see that you don't meet any of that criteria it does feel bad.

Only movie heroes, glittering vampires and underwear models meet those criteria, and i am sorry to say, neither of them are real, not even the underwear model from the magazines is real, thanks to photoshop.

After a lot of failure I do tend to doubt myself. That's why I'm contemplating on just stopping. Try to focus on myself and keep building my foundation, pretend that women don't exist I guess and go on about my business.

I would not say ignore women, but go about them with a different approach. Don´t see them as the superhuman beings, or the potential fuck, and definitely not as the woman that you will stay for all your life with. See them as interesting opportunities to learn, have fun, maybe even become friends, since having female friends is the best thing to have in your life. From there you will see doors opening left and right, the more you expose yourself to women, learning how they think, how they really act.

I believe I have confidence in certain areas, none of which I believe would translate to a woman's interest,

Yes i agree that this might be the case, but it´s not the worlds end, you can still get confident in all other areas.

I've been through to tough things especially lately and I've been the only one to actually get anything done in my family so I am pretty proud of that.

Who hasn´t been tough times? This remembers me of a talk i had with a female friend, about her break up from her boyfriend for 14 years, and how she is totally wrecked by that. As the talk went on, i told her what i´ve been through, and her eyes got bigger and bigger and she began to blush. She then said to me: "I always thought i had problems, but compared to mine, yours are terrible as hell..." I had to laugh, since i don´t see them as that, i can live with it, but it shows how the perception on ourselves is so much stronger than others, "my problems are always bigger than yours" even if its just the hard choice between a ferrari and a lamborghini...

What i want to say: Don´t feel sorry for yourself. Figure out what you want to be, and work to be that. Think of yourself as the most important person in your life. Don´t listen to others about what you are or can do. Dont give a shit about what others think of you over all. And last but not least, don´t be fucking scared.

[–]normanly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]letsgetrandy 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]normanly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]letsgetrandy 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]normanly[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

To be honest it's been a while since I last weighed so. But I do know that I have more muscle and overall strength than I've ever had in my entire life.

I dress mostly for work which is almost always business casual. I groom myself to a good extent I think. I don't stink, I shower everyday brush my teeth and all that. I believe my haircut is acceptable, again mostly for work but it's not a buzz cut but it's not long just short on the side and a bit on top that I comb back because my dad had his hair like this when he was younger.

Right now I mostly go to work, gym and occasional shopping at the grocery store or mall. I used to try and go to bars, clubs, pubs and various other places to try and strike up a conversation but to no avail.

I know the video games are stupid but that and working out are two things that I do to relieve stress in a positive way. Everyone in my family smokes, drinks or does some kind of drugs and I just don't even want to touch thier habits.

Title	Feel like a loser cause everyone has sex and relationships so frequently and I can't.
Author	normanly
Upvotes	9
Comments	35
Date	October 21, 2015 3:59 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3pl8yv/feel_like_a_loser_cause_everyone_has_sex_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/feel-like-a-loser-cause-everyone-has-sex-and.1396296 https://theredarchive.com/post/1396296

Comments