I'm an nerdy high schooler with bad social skills. Tips?

PatStedman · 2016-07-26T23:47:22+00:00

The biggest thing is to NOT frame it as you just did.

"I'm generally pretty awkward"... "I'm a nerdy high schooler with bad social skills."

I get you're being real here, but I want to point this out because this is a sign of a Frame that is already convinced you are low social status. That's a big problem cause if that's what you think, that's what you'll get.

I'll return to this in a minute.

High school places high-priority on the evolutionary triggers for attraction. In other words:

Strength / Good Looks
Confidence / Social Assertiveness

If you're good at a sport, play that sport. If you're not - lift weights. Few high schoolers actually do this so in time this will work a lot in your favor. Looks always matter, but for a young guy they're especially important.

I'd also be friendly towards everybody you meet, not only the cool kids but also the middle tier and lower tier as well. Being a dick is a high-risk strategy; being likable keeps your options open, and it doesn't sound like your personality anyway. Joke around with people, be a "student" of the social dynamics, and take advantage of social opportunities as they appear. You may find yourself sitting next to a cool guy. If you befriend him, you main gain access to his group - or at the very least be social with them.

Worry less about girls for the moment. This might sound weird because I'm a dating coach, but your romantic options in high school are so overwhelmingly determined by your social class, if they're a group you struggle with just be friendly but don't make any moves. If a girl labels the "new guy" as a creep, you'll be in a rough situation. Just be friendly and a little challenging to everybody. They want to see you're not intimidated by them. Realize they're much more likely to reject you if they think you're weak than if you go a bit too far. Always air on the side of assertiveness.

The key to all of this in the end is confidence, which is why I mentioned Frame. So the final thing to do is to improve that. How do you do it? Find something you're afraid of or that challenges you - particularly in the social realm, since this seems to be an area that intimidates you - and take some risks on it.

Confidence develops primarily from facing fears and limitations and overcoming them. The more you jump into the fire, the less the fire will scare you... and the better chance you have of entering you're new school with a bang.

But remember, high school isn't the end of life. If things don't go perfectly, like most of us you'll have plenty of time to grow from the experience and capitalize later.

Some useful articles:

Confidence: http://patstedman.com/2016/04/07/how-to-talk-to-women-dj-khaled/ Frame: http://patstedman.com/2016/02/23/dating-frame/ Creepiness: http://patstedman.com/2016/03/21/why-guys-are-creepy/

Best of luck!

pacg · 2016-07-27T01:05:37+00:00

Learn how to handle embarrassment well. It'll remove a major barrier to trying new techniques. Easiest way to do this is to literally learn to shrug your shoulders. It's as if to say, eh, I fucked up but wuddya gonna do? Own your embarrassment. That way no one can use it to weaken you; even you can't use it to weaken you. It'll take practice but you will improve if you commit.

Oh and of course, never try to impress anyone. That's when things usually blow up in your face. Instead, be impressive. Do cool things. Be smart. Be capable. Have extracurriculars. Get or improve upon a hobby.

eff_aech · 2016-07-26T20:52:56+00:00

Ok, go take a dance class. Learn to salsa, it'll give you a bunch of opportunities to meet women and learn a skill. I learned in college but if I could travel back in time, I would've learned it in high school.

igotlimbs · 2016-07-26T20:38:00+00:00

Find out what you want to do in life, what makes you happy. From there, make sure you're using your time to achieve those goals, whether it means to get those awesome grades for your career or working on pushing your comfort zone every day. And remember, having sex with a bunch of girls won't make you happy if you're not happy now.

Books to read: Models, The Power of Now, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Re-read these books every couple of months.

A great way to work on your social skills when you have little that I wish I learned earlier is this: Be the person to introduce other people. Try to sit in a new seat at class every day and talk to the person next to you until you've met everyone. Remember something about them and introduce them to anyone, be like "Hey Jen, this is Derp. He's the one who got the highest grade in the test..." Point is, EVERYONE wants to have more friends. Jen and Derp. Not only that, if you are trying to introduce people as potential dating partners, both of them will really appreciate it, even if they don't get along. For sure, the dude will respect you for introducing him to a cute chick you barely know, especially if you give him value.

For now, forget about fucking tons of bitches and really focus on introducing people if you're social skills aren't that great. Focus on your other goals, you still have a BUNCH of time left to have fun.

Building confidence: Get your wardrobe and fashion handled; spend weeks researching different fashion styles even if you think you know what you're doing. Make it a habit to workout; go for runs, bodyweight exercises in the day. You'll attract higher quality people by showing that you take care of yourself. Try out haircuts until you find one good for you; once again spend a week researching. Make it a habit to look at detail in everything, then use this skill to compliment your peers. People love getting compliments if they're genuine and they'll love you. Also, get rid of people who exude negativity. I used to be a huge computer gamer and I remember all of that negative atmosphere which in turn made me a negative person. Be careful of that!

Good luck bro!

IWriteForGroupies · 2016-07-26T20:34:43+00:00

The first step is trying. The next step is learning. Some people may reverse these steps.

Tsundere_Valley · 2016-07-26T21:46:28+00:00

I was there with you, and what I'll say might surprise you. There is hope for you! You will encounter girls who'll like you. Your goal is to recognize when this happens, pick up the courage to ask them out, and go from there! Don't afraid to get a few no's, or mess up, because it's high school, not the end of the world. Especially on that no bit... It's gonna happen, and it's better than the girl leading you on, so be ready but don't take it personally.

Don't dwell too much on potentially getting rejected, or you'll reject yourself right in front of her, and she'll move on. Took me years to learn this mistake and I missed a lot of opportunities.

Good luck!

aswjacob · 2016-07-26T23:04:28+00:00

Take an improv comedy class. Beginner and intermediate.

throw_awayyy628 · 2016-07-27T01:21:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

recyclablebanthas · 2016-07-27T08:51:57+00:00

You're young yet. I'd recommend doing something that will teach you:

How to be more comfortable physically escalating with women.
How to better pay attention to women so you know when to escalate.
And increase your confidence at the same time.

What is it? Partner dancing:

Salsa https://youtu.be/V0OOmP_VMhI

Argentine tango https://youtu.be/d3pc4lhFPo8

West coast swing https://youtu.be/udqBB0R5SPI

Lindy hop: https://youtu.be/9r-gruss-NU

Can't dance, you say? Good. No one can before they learn from a teacher. And since you're in high school.... Holy crap. You'll be mentored by people in those dance scenes because high schoolers rarely make it out. And they're usually short on guys because men are usually too chicken to show up. :P

GymFever · 2016-07-28T07:45:32+00:00

Hey! I'm starting sophomore year soon too, plus I'm a guy...so I guess this could be a convo from someone at the same level as you? If it makes you feel any better haha.

So brief about me, don't take this as cocky but what I'm about to say is just to make you understand. In elementary I was just as the same as you describe yourself. After high school started I started doing things different which resulted in nearly 14+ girls finding my attractive/hot and some crushing on me. It's gone to no girls even wanting to be friends in elementary to many girls somehow finding attraction to me and me getting a girlfriend within 2 weeks of meeting my now girlfriend.

Some of my adjustments I made to myself are the following which I did throughout freshman year:

1) Working Out:

This hobby came off from naturally wanting to work out. As a result I started changing my body which led to a larger confidence build up.

2) Paying attention to what I wore:

This played a major job in getting a girl's attention. Many women enjoy a man who is well dressed. Which makes it seem like the guy cares about what he wears which tends to be attractive. Obviously don't wear things you don't want to, choose to wear what you prefer always. Just try to add a "final touch" by possibly straightening the clothes or washing always. This will also possibly boost your confidence.

3) Hygiene!

Try to always keep your breath clean; whether it's by brushing a lot or keeping gum with you. I do both because I was always self-conscious about bad breath and now that has changed, building more confidence! Try to also use more deodorant and/or cologne. NOT TOO MUCH OF COLOGNE THOUGH!

4) Don't look down on yourself:

Don't say negative stuff to yourself. When you pass the mirror, look at yourself and appreciate how you look. When I pass the mirror nowadays, I've gotten into a habit of complementing myself. Literally. It may sound sad but it has allowed myself to appreciate myself more. It may work for you too.

5) Stop giving a fuck:

Just stop worrying! If a girl rejects you, don't stress it and tell yourself she isn't worth it. If something embarrassing happens, laugh it off! Don't be afraid to say things without thinking too much. This is what I did when I first met my current girlfriend and this is what, according to her, made her attract towards me. Believe it or not, I critiqued a dildo size out loud infront of her after meeting her for he first time. I said that because I didn't stress about talking to her in the first place. According to her, that was a lot of confidence which resulted in her attraction to me.

So keep your heads up and don't stress anything! Everything will slowly fall into place nicely very soon!

Best of luck man!

Title	I'm an nerdy high schooler with bad social skills. Tips?
Author	throw_awayyy628
Upvotes	10
Comments	19
Date	July 26, 2016 7:36 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4uqhxd/im_an_nerdy_high_schooler_with_bad_social_skills/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-an-nerdy-high-schooler-with-bad-social-skills.1410073 https://theredarchive.com/post/1410073

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