I used to be an AFC. Overweight, socially awkward and a virgin. Then I turned it all around: I lost 40 kilos (88 lbs), forced myself to go out and meet people and joined a sport. All I wanted at that point was a girlfriend. And since then, I've found one.

I met her at a social event and we hit it off. She's nice, kind and loving and we've been together now for 9 months. Since then I've learned that she previously came out of a long-term relationship of 5 years. It ended suddenly and she was really messed up about it. She describes the ex as a bad guy, but by the sound of it he was just like me: a decent, regular, "nice" guy with a good job, who at some point just got tired of her. The sudden break-up that (from her perspective) came out of the blue, left her requiring a lot of validation that our relationship was truly okay. In all honesty however, it's not. I was so desperate for a girlfriend that, in hindsight, I would have been happy for any woman to be my girlfriend. And so, for a while, I really was happy to be with her.

To indulge her need for validation, I did all the things you would expect a boyfriend to do: I told her how beautiful she is, how much I loved her, I surprised her with flowers, I took her on dates/trips, made our relationship "facebook-official", met her friends and family and introduced her to mine. Also, I assured her I look forward to someday starting a family with her. I did all this happily, because like I said, for a while I truly was happy to have someone in my life.

So here we are. She's hinting that she could (in the foreseably future) move in with me and work less, because the commute is such a hassle. She's half-jokingly picking out names for our future kids, even though I secretly don't really want any in the foreseably future. She's hinting how much she'd love it if I would take her on an expensive vacation to Aruba, when in reality I don't want to pay for her half of the tab.

I feel like at this point I can't just tell her I don't love her, because I've been repeatedly telling her that I do for the last 9 months. I can't tell her that I don't want kids, because we've talked a lot about our future family. Most of all, I can't just suddenly ditch her like her ex did, because she made me promise that I would never do what he did and suddenly end it. She made me promise that if there was a problem, we'd talk and get therapy and work it out. From what I gathered about her last break-up, she didn't take it well and even ended on anti-depressants. If the same thing happened again, I just know it's going to be a trainwreck.

I feel like I dug a hole for myself that's so deep I can't get out of it. I feel there's no way to make a "clean" break and just end it. Any advice on how to end it with as little pain for both parties involved?