TL;DR - lost relative, in 6 month relationship, not sure have time for a relationship as want to work towards a business, yet have crushing feeling I will fall into depression if I leave. appreciate advice and insight.

I got into seddit a couple years back and started dating for the first time in my life (29). I found myself in a relationship with someone that I knew wasn't right for me because she wanted kids and I didn't at the time. It simply didn't work.

I broke it off and learned a lot through that first breakup.

I then went and had some fun and met someone else within only 6 weeks. We slept together for a few weeks and she went back to her home country for 4 months. I carried on having fun. She didn't. She was always texting me and eventually came back. We started a relationship almost immediately and I've been with her for 6 months now.

Here is the where the pain begins. My mum passed away a few weeks before she came back. She wasn't terminal and it was a complete shock. I found her dead on the couch on a Monday morning when my brother text me saying he'd not heard from her.

I have been in shock for about 5 months and am just coming out of it so processing a lot of heavy emotions. At the same time, my partner went back to her home country for Christmas and is coming back tomorrow.

During this brief 2 week space I've begun to see how lost I will feel without that element in my life. I know there is a dangerous risk of her becoming a replacement for the love I lost with my mum. I haven't developed a very destructive dependency because luckily I had read a lot on seddit about how to avoid that (abundance mindset, for one, thank you!), and I'm seeing a therapist.

I could be with this women long-term, but there is this resistance to commitment (naturally) and also a fear of great loss. At same time, I want to commit to building a software business and I need the time. My priorities are all screwed up and she keeps talking about children. It feels just a little too much to handle and yet the only way out is through MORE pain.

Was wondering, what would you do in this dilemma? I should note - I've felt suicidal for short periods during this time and she has supported me, so this isn't a simple case of "dump her and move on". Would really appreciate some advice from people who have a lot of life experience or relationship experience. I know I could have posted on /r/relationships but I never get any decent opinions from that bunch.

Thanks!