The #1 advice in this sub is just yourself. The problem with that advice is a lot of guys don't know what that means because they haven't found themselves, or don't know who they really. Being yourself is when you don't fake things to make others like you and being comfortable enough with yourself to show your true colors. Our opinions, our life choices, and our influences make us who we are. How we treat others and how interact with others is who we are.

Knowing who you are and learning to love yourself is extremely important for the dating scene. When you don't love yourself you tend to look for that love and valuation from others. When you don't know yourself you tend the change the way you act to make others like you. When you focus on finding out who you are it makes find the person for you easier.

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1) you are responsible for everything in your own life

You have to take control of your life and understand that everything is on you. If your life is shitty and boring it's your own fault. If you're unhappy it's your own fault. You can't blame your parents, your siblings or your friends. You are responsible for the life choices that you will make and have made. Figure what are excuses and what is legitimately holding you back from doing what you want in life. Eliminate all the excuses and don't procrastinate doing what you want in life.

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2) What are your thoughts and what are other peoples thoughts

What truly is right and wrong? What are the things you feel strongly about? Do you feel strongly about these things because you feel like it's right or do you feel like that because someone else told you to? Are you religious because you really believe it or it's because that's the way you were raised? Do you lean a certain way politically because they align with your views or is it because of the party your family belongs to? What really your own thoughts and opinions. Educate yourself on things you don't feel strongly about. Figure out what's important to you. Your thoughts and opinions are what make you an individual, it's what makes you unique.

Once you figure what's right and wrong or what you feel strongly about don't like others change that. I'm not saying to be closed-minded or get into arguments with random people. I'm saying if someone challenges your thoughts and opinion don't be scared to defend those thoughts and beliefs. You're entitled to your own opinion. No everything is black and white. You're not always going to see eye to eye with everyone and have everything in common and that's okay, it's normal.

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3) who do you really want to be

This is a question I always asked myself "who is the person that you truly want to be?" How do you want people to perceive you? Think about people you look up what are things that you like about them. Is the way they always give you their full attention, do they check up on others, or are they actively trying to make their community better? Seriously think about the little things your role models do that make you like them and look up to them.

Try to do the things your role models do and make them apart of you. Try to be more charismatic, try to be respectful to everyone you come in contact with, and work on becoming a better listener. The more you do these they the more you'll feel comfortable doing them. They may feel unauthentic or disingenuous the first couple of times you do it, but you can't expect changes in personality to happen overnight.

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4) be comfortable being alone with by yourself

To completely comfortable with being yourself, you have to be comfortable being alone with yourself. For many being alone with yourself is a scary thing because it's when our true thoughts and feelings being to creep up. Our worries, our insecurities all tend to show up when we are alone. You can't allow yourself to let those thoughts bring you down, you can be your own worse enemy. You have to find out what truly makes you happy when you're alone. You have to discover your hobbies and passions in life. Take in your creative side (write, draw, paint, play an instrument). Learn how to enjoy your time alone, it's a crucial step in learning self-love.

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How I found myself

9 years ago when I was 19 I had no clue who I was. I was a freshman in college and aimless in life. I had an overprotective mother that ran my life. I was told where to apply to college, I wasn't allowed to have a job, and had a curfew. I didn't have a car, goals, or idea of how the world worked around me. I spent most of my life in the church and didn't know what truly believe in. Spent my whole life letting others tell me what I good at and what to do with my life. Over the years I got miserable and borderline depressed because of college. I hated almost everyone around me. I was desperate for a change of scenery.

Everything changed at 22. I packed my bags up in the middle of the night, hopped on a flight, and then hopped in a car with some girl I had only met twice. A 1,500 road trip later I was in my new home. I have experienced so much growth mentally, physically, and emotionally. I started renting a house bigger than my parents, I started my own business, and changing every aspect of my life. For the first time in my life, I made my own choices. I had to learn to be how to be responsible. Being away from everyone I grew up around gave me chance to figure myself out. I was constantly going to new places, making friends, and trying new things. All the steps were important for me to find myself.

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Conclusion

You have to try new things, step out of your comfort zone, and take risks to get to where you want in life. Your main focus in life should be yourself. You should be proud of who are and don't let others make you feel bad for you being who you want to be. I'm not saying to run away from home or make drastic changes to yourself. Focus on becoming a better person and learn to love yourself a little more every day.

I hope you all find yourself and do whatever it takes to enjoy life.