Approach anxiety isn't the problem, it's the symptom:

  • Poor self image. If you really thought you were awesome, you would have no problem talking to a stranger.

  • Self centered. Focused on your own feelings instead of providing value to those around them and positive emotions to the surroundings.

  • A fixed mindset. More concerned with avoiding failure than becoming better. Doesn't see difficulties as opportunities to learn and grow.

  • Limiting beliefs. Focused on what you can't do, not what you can do.

Fortunately, better mindsets can go a long way toward fixing approach anxiety:

  • You don't know her, so you can't reasonably know based only on appearance if she will like you or not. Furthermore, you're not even sure if you will like her. You're not trying to pick her up, you are giving her an opportunity to stand out and impress you. Being able to approach is itself a sign of your confidence and value.*

  • Ask yourself how you can make other people feel good. Try to make other people's days more interesting or just a little bit better. Instead of 'opening sets,' spend an evening just complimenting people without expecting to have a conversation.

  • Don't worry about your results today, worry about your results in 6 months. Do game in a way that not only improves your options with women, but also helps improve your life generally. But for now, face rejection cheerfully, because they are the only way to get better.

  • Aim to not let your actions be dictated by the petty opinions of friends, family, strangers, or society at large.

Here's a major secret to life: when you cave into a feeling, that feeling grows. If you sit around, you feel lazier and more tired. When you take risks, you begin to crave adventure. Simply put, not approaching might spare you rejection and a passing moment of anxiety, but you're actually strengthening the underlying issues which feed into your fear of talking to women.

WARNING: This isn't something that fixes itself.

Just getting fit, or dressing well, or having a job you love, or being liked by all your friends (duh), or meditating daily isn't going to suddenly fix this problem for you. It won't slowly go away while you're vaguely working on yourself.

In this case, the best way to learn to swim is to dive straight in. Commit to approaching at least one girl every single day. Then, do it. After a year, you will have tried to talk to no fewer than 365 girls. That's way more confidence projected into the world, way more smiles delivered, and way more growth than if you had talked to a whopping none.

If you're still looking for additional tips to get over AA, this recent blog post has four simple mind hacks which have helped me personally.