I recently found this comment, and I don't think I could have written it better myself

I'm going to say something that is difficult to believe, but I've come to see it as more and more obvious the older and wiser I get:

Girls don't always put guys into the friend zone. At least as often guys walk into the friend zone of their own free will. It may even be the majority of cases.

I've come to this conclusion after seeing some of the sad sacks that post here looking for help with their one-itis, as well as thinking back on my on friend zone situations in the (thankfully distant) past.

So, here's how you avoid it: Never let opportunities to escalate pass you by, even if you stop it before sex or making out (if you want her in the friend zone because you already have a serious relationship going on or something).

There's a fantastic scene in the really great novel The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao where Oscar falls in love with a girl, and she invites him out on a date (his first date ever, as he's a fat sad sack and a nerd). He chickenshits himself out of escalating, and she screams in frustration. They become best friends for a while, and she starts telling him about her boyfriend. Friend zone achieved. The author clearly understands game and women extremely well, and writes both sides of the various stories beautifully and convincingly.

But, the point is that the moment of no return happens so subtly that Oscar doesn't even begin to realize that his chance came and went...he was still building up, when she reached buying temperature, and then gave up in frustration. He continued to fantasize that they were building some sort of relationship...when she was just being friendly from then on.

OK, seems vague, so let's put some action on it:

  • Always be escalating until the relationship reaches the point you want it to reach, or she says no. Even if she says "no" (assuming it isn't a "no means no!" kind of "no"), you should try again (politely) every once in a while, just to be sure.

  • Always be gaming, even girls you just want for friends. It's good practice, and you might change your mind when you get to know her. A 6 can become a solid 8 if she's got a great personality or a transcendent grasp of some awesome subject (musicians drive me crazy and great ability there is worth at least a couple of points for me). Also, sometimes people lose weight, get fit, and become hot as hell. Why not be first in line for that new hot girl?

  • If you detect any signs of friend zoning, you withdraw your attention immediately. If you were talking every day, wait a week or, even better, until she calls you. If she does call you, end it after a short, friendly, chat, with "Oh, hey, I've gotta meet someone in like 6 minutes. It's been awesome talking to you, though." If she brings up other guys, tread with caution, and don't become her emotional crutch. If she wants your emotional support, she's gotta take the whole deal.

BTW-Step 3 only happens if you already fucked up somewhere along the way. You almost certainly missed an opportunity to escalate.