If this subreddit was about cycling

The_Cock_Roach_King · 2018-03-05T10:10:53+00:00

All bicycles are the same bro. Don't put it on a pedestal, it's bad mkay.

Just get on it, don't think to much about it. However, if you do much as look at your fucking hand while touching a bike it will freak the fuck out and call the police.

I know because I've been extremely successful with bikes since I started riding last month, and I've probably been with 1000 bikes minimum.

Want the same success I have? You can buy my ebook to learn all my tricks.

Keep approaching bikes bro, never get discouraged.

SyrusDrake · 2018-03-05T12:28:06+00:00

Don't overthink it, just go with the flow. Simply get on the bike and ride it. It's easy!

Also, read Saddles by Sam Samson.

NRG_88 · 2018-03-05T12:40:55+00:00

Just try it out, ride it. If it isnt your style then try out an other, you have nothing to lose

darthvader9840 · 2018-03-05T11:13:36+00:00

Needs more training wheels. /s

On a serious note, refreshing shitpost though haha.

grantmoore3d · 2018-03-05T16:10:18+00:00

Look at this chump going after those thick aluminum bikes, you know those wheels are just going to get old, busted and end up giving rides to anyone around town before winding up in the ditch, right?

Bro, have some self respect. Go for the commuters, the road bikes, mountain bikes if you're into that, even one of those hippy green electric hybrids... there are no leagues, even a high class carbon fiber is doable, just need to start riding and practice your peddling.

ankalafor · 2018-03-05T18:17:30+00:00

A woman =/= object. Unfortunately for us, this is the main reason why we fail with girls.

Licalottapuss · 2018-03-06T01:54:45+00:00

Anything of quality costs money, even if you want to make your own bike. So considering you have enough to pay for it, choosing the bike is really the hardest part. It definitely helps if you choose one that is your proper size. Quality helps but really that's all up to individual taste. If you've never ridden a bike before it will not matter to you weather it's a Fixie (no gears) or a 24 speed ( one with a lot of gears), a mountain bike or a hybrid (built for street or off road). You first one will always be the a BMX regardless of what it was made for. So, with that in mind, what should you expect from your first bike? For this you are probably going to see tutorials on the internet. That's ok, as long as you understand they are made by all types of people with their own tastes and areas of expertise. You might n ok t want to watch videos and want to just jump in or have someone show you (ok I guess, to each their own). But to get out there and skip years of basic and awkward experimentations we'll make use of tried and true techniques of those who know what they're doing. So let's begin by watching a lot of extreme and freestyle BMX. Then once you've seen enough that you are sure you could at least have a go of it. Get that bike, take it to a place you feel good enough about; probably home, or maybe even a place you know other riders go to ride. There are special places in many cities or town made especially for this purpose. Make sure the tires have enough air and pay close attention to keeping the chain clean and free of dirt. The grips will be new and may feel a little unfamiliar to your grip but you will become familiar with them in no time at all. Make sure the seat is firm and centered as a rough landing can make you slip and a loose seat can hurt your balls pretty bad, even creating an unwanted trip to the doctor and answering embarrassing questions. Oh and speaking of a doctor's visit, make sure you wear protective gear, especially on a bike you've never ridden. Accidents can and often do happen and nothing will stop you from riding again more than a scraped up germ infested scab that will take a very long time to heal, all because you didn't think it was cool to wear the right protection. If you become very familiar with the bike after having ridden it for a long time you might feel you are safe enough to not wear protection. Well that's your choice at that point, but it wouldn't be a wise one. Accidents require lifetime caution. Sure the bike might get worn out, it might get stolen, you might even just take it apart for parts. Afterwards you might even get a new one (or a second hand one, but there are plenty of new ones to be found . Unless it is something special there is rarely a need to inherit another person's headache) but the effects of an injury can last a lifetime. Well with the caution out of the way, put one foot over the bike and grab hold of both handlebars and just go. Pedaling is the easy part so as soon as you can balance more than a few seconds pull those bars back and try a wheelie! Turn that curb into a jump and catch some air yeeeeha! The bike will work with you if you keep both hands on the bars. You won't want to stop until you are worn out. Get some rest and stay hydrated then give it a go again. You'll be a master in no time and no doubt the talk of the neighborhood. You'll be able to show others the tricks you learned wherever you ride. Someday you might even star in one of those videos too, or maybe not. But if you do, make sure you get paid, unless you just want to make them to watch later. It's a personal choice at that point.

Have fun. And remember every bike is built differently depending on how it'll be enjoyed. Some have thin tires, some have, well bigger tires, some are made for mud and dirty downhill racing (always fun but inherently dangerous) others are made sleek and elegant and built for racing (always expensive and high maintenance) some are made for portability, some have unique features, some don't resemble bikes in any form you've seen before, and some are built with you're protection in mind (to each their own). Some might have only one wheel (unicycles have their loyal fans too). Some you will find you can lay down on pedaling with your hands! There are even those without any pedals at all. There is one unbreakable rule though that you must follow as an adult; Never ever ride a child's bike if you are not a child. Everyone will notice and will know that bike doesn't belong to you. There are other rules you need to follow when riding in public but I won't list those here as really the wild and crazy tricks are to be done safely away from other people.

I hope this has been helpful. That bike wants to be rode hard, so go get it!

thatgibbyguy · 2018-03-05T13:22:54+00:00

Ehhhhhh. Nah son. There are very clear established rules for getting that bike. First, you must know whether you can afford it or not. This is not something you can fake till you make. You have the money or you don't.

Second, yeah sometimes one bike is hecking sick and that's just the bike you want. Like mine, with its yellow seat, yellow grips and yellow rims. This bike is fine bruh, it was the one I wanted, so I got it. Now when you see that bike, everyone knows it's my bike. This is very helpful if/when it gets stolen.

These are extremely different issues than cold approaching a woman anywhere. The rules of the game are not fixed, they are set by a culture that is currently in a large state of flux. I understand what you're getting at, but you're making dudes who are struggling feel like shit by making such a shit analogy.

ethical_pa · 2018-03-05T16:32:34+00:00

There is a functionally endless, free supply of bicycles you can try. If this one breaks, just try another one. You'll never run out...

Oh wait

secretmonkeyassassin · 2018-03-06T05:59:41+00:00

Me and one of my buddies went tandem on a bike last weekend, and totally wrecked that shit. It was off the chain

NilacTheGrim · 2018-03-05T16:22:38+00:00

Good analogy. That's pretty much it.

AFChungo · 2018-03-05T16:38:34+00:00

I used to have the same problem, byt then I started watching these videos by Real Bike dynamics, and now I ride 3 bikes a day minimum

Dayman-Nightman · 2018-03-05T21:37:01+00:00

r/niceguysbuyingbicycles

GameAndGains · 2018-03-06T16:54:49+00:00

I don't find this funny. As ridiculous as this post is, it's exactly how retarded some of the post and questions on seddit are.

The advance guys leave this place because the noobs refuse to listen and learn.

You can't teach and help people if there is nobody attending the classes.

Exact reason the content on here is non existent. Go back to seddit pre 2014 and every post had value and people where learning.

Now it's just a bunch of self help woo woo shit with no real value given.

DownvotesCatposts · 2018-03-05T15:39:41+00:00

You can learn so much just by doing. But the advise that tells you to stop the mental masturbation and just GO TALK TO GIRLS usually gets down voted to oblivion, because people are comfy in their safe space.

PEIFella · 2018-03-05T18:30:23+00:00

End of the day, make sure you wear a helmet!

buttgoogler · 2018-03-05T19:40:27+00:00

Have you tried three-wheelers? If you're not that good with bicycles i'd suggest you to try it out first. Then step your game up and see how you feel about riding a normal one. I once tried riding a tandem and oh boy, it was awesome.

me_like_bikes · 2018-03-05T22:21:28+00:00

It's all about that hard tail.

adamrockblackandblue · 2018-03-06T00:00:54+00:00

You're going to fall off a lot when you start riding, but it's so worth it once you get it.

GuyFromDaStore · 2018-03-06T02:18:29+00:00

They just need to read the sidebar first.

SaimonMon · 2018-03-06T03:16:41+00:00

"Total commute to school material"

I am fucking dead lol

ALargePianist · 2018-03-06T04:43:11+00:00

My city has bikes that everyone can ride for a dollar and after they're done they just throw them on the sidewalk.

not sure how to process this

LifeArrow · 2018-03-05T20:21:47+00:00

Uhm, sure, just buy the bicycle with money.

ThrowawayPUA · 2018-03-05T13:19:53+00:00

That was a well written satire and it probably took you a few minutes to create it.

For that same amount of effort, you might have written a useful tip or two, or at least some minimal contribution based on your familiarity with the concepts of this community.

Obviously you have been around seddit for a while and probably learned a few things that were useful to you personally. You do not have to be a master PUA to help others, you only have to be a step or two ahead, and have the ability to point out things that sent you in the right direction.

seddit is what you make it. What have you done for seddit lately? A single positive contribution outweighs a hundred shitposts.

137thNemesis · 2018-03-05T18:09:58+00:00

This is an underrated post. Great juxtaposition.

Title	If this subreddit was about cycling
Author	plowzedong
Upvotes	391
Comments	43
Date	March 5, 2018 9:26 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/824rmp/if_this_subreddit_was_about_cycling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/if-this-subreddit-was-about-cycling.1442662 https://theredarchive.com/post/1442662

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