So a couple of days ago, my (23m) wife (24f) of 4 years mentions that there isn't very much sexual tension between us, and I kind of took a double take. It was 2am and we were laying in bed, but I immediately drilled her with questions like what I'm doing/not doing, what it means to her, etc., but she wasn't very awake. Needless to say, it was a short conversationand I eventually fell asleep after I talked myself out of hysteria. I was lossing my mind over it that night, though I knew something was missing, I couldn't figure out what I wasn't doing.

So the next day I started looking up building sexual tension, getting more and more frustrated, (but in retrospect, more anxious and overwhelmed by it all) and I really did the calm down all day, until I found the art of seduction. I started listening to the audiobook yesterday, and at every chance I get, I plug in and turn it on to hear what Robert Greene has to say. Again, I am at the point of frustration, (but like before, probably more anxious and overwhelmed) and it's because of how much I have to change to be the thing my wife truely desires. I understand that she doesn't want all of what the book reads, but a good portion.

Allow me to add a little background on myself and why it's so daunting and overwhelming for me. For years, I've known something was up. Watching some PUAs getting great numbers, and others very little, both claiming landslide success with women. I knew the latter men had no skill, but I didn't know why the former did. With watching these 2 types of "professional" PUAs I could never figure out what one was doing that the other wasn't, so I assumed that was the luck of the draw and moved in. Secondly, it's something so unspoken, that I have no grasp at the concept of grammer and punctuation in this language. Even more so, I got the girl, married her, and just finished dealing with a whole lot of emotionally vulnerable feelings and situations over the past few years with the love of my life that I share everything with. That being said, where's the mystery, strength, allure, and unexpected charm from an open and honest (and emotionally vulnerable) husband? Thirdly, I am already wraped around her finger. I do almost all the chores, cook at least half the time, give her a high to moderate amount of attention, and she has completely broken down my resistance to sex, so I'm here at anytime. I physically can't stop myself. With all that, I want a complete role reversal in our marriage; that should be me doing all that to her, not the other way around. Lastly, I'm a narcissistic, anxious, disagreeable, resentful prick whenever I'm not filling her needs and wants, or don't have the emotional or mental energy to acclimate myself to her demands. Don't get me wrong, she's a wonderful, kind, (too) intelligent, seductive, woman, but as in the situation, I mean this in the worst way. She's so above me in almost everything, that it's hypnotic, and I am forced, not against my will, to do as she pleases. I am completely submissive to her, and she dominates me in everyway I wish to do to her, and more.

A side note is that we've been exploring power dynamics, but I can quickly see she is looking at being "submissive" as a way to learn the enemies tactics and be the true bratty dominate she is, in the most unobtrusive ways. I have quickly again, as I have in the past, lost to her game of dominance. I attest that to growing up with sisters and a single mom myself, and her with her brothers and highly dominate single father, who was more of a tyrant to challenge, than a model of power and control.

My biggest issue is being seductive in marriage, when there was previously no tension present. Don't get me wrong. Just last weekend, her and I had found ourselves spiritually connected during sex for several minutes, basking in the ever rising pressure of impending mutual orgasm. It was exhilarating and blissful simultaneously. Our sex life itself is vibrant and full of energy, though we are still young and I doubt that same kind of youthful presence will continue into our 30's. The real issue is, as I said before, when she asks, she will receive, but when I ask, it's fully optional. I first took this as a sign that she's unwilling, unappreciative, or just non reciprocal in nature, but I realize that I'm not seducing her. We only have PIV, or I'll eat her out (with her reluctance), but that's it. My desire is for her to be more receptive to me performing oral, her doing it willingly (at first, I'll take her doing it at all).

Another issue is related to my personal confidence and ability to preform in this way. I have always been insecure and easily diffused when it comes to my role in other's lives. I can quickly find myself stepping over the line, but find it hard to ever breach my shell again once I am caught trespassing. I don't have any idea of boundaries, or lines that allow the situation to be interpreted at all. When telling a story, my flow is sub par at best and I tend to reword things to the way I can easily recall them, even if that leaves the story without important detail and overall charm. This is my most sensitive and detrimental personality flaw, as it leaves me with all passion but no connection to others. I don't understand what others connect to and how those things can be leveraged to my seductive advantage.

Another point I'd like to bring up is my ever longing desire to be the dominant male in situations, and at least, my own home. I am the house Chihuahua, small, powerless, seemingly threating, but all bark and no bite. My wife, not necessarily powerful, or threating, hardly small in presence though, and even without bite, her bark is more intimidating due to her competent nature. She knows what she wants, and doesn't want; and she's skilled, but not in variety. She has just the right amount of everything even though she doesn't have very much of anything. I have no idea where she gets this sense of self righteousness and authority over others, but when she speaks, people listen. I feel like there isn't anyway to get above her in dominance, so I've been asking her to tone it down, (so that I can make some moves up without her trying to keep me submitted to her) but she seems only more competent and dominate because of it. The only thing she's done that significantly increased my dominance towards her is call me Daddy, (which I thought I would hate, but she said it so sweet and endearing the first few times) but now even that is forced, unauthoritative and trivialized.

I don't know really what I asking, if anything at all, but I would like to hear the discussion about this. Please leave any and all comments, whether it be help, criticism, or questions of your own.

TL;DR looking for advice on beginning to seduce my wife of 4 years and dethroning her dominance while building mine.

Edit: Does anyone see a pattern or positive spin on my traits that I might be able use to my advantage? I just don't see any traits I could use to prosper, but there must be something I can do without changing completely, or am I hopeless?

Edit2: clearly this was the wrong place to post this. A bunch of players not wanting to be tied down nearly got me divorced. If you actually read the post, I want to use flirting/seduction to eventually change our relationship dynamic, not chuck her to the curb over my discontent.

And yes, I did manage to save my marriage from breaking apart. It took hours of convincing, but she isn't leaving me and now we are in a worse off place. Though it will pass, I'm still infuriated with now both situations. I'll remember not to trust strangers on the internet net time I want to spice things up.