Can too much skill hinder you?

hunterpua · 2018-11-15T22:09:37+00:00

The flakes and low rate of number closes is actually because of a lack of comfort building.

There should be less of a focus on attraction and more of a focus on comfort building in the seduction community. Not saying attraction is useless because its quite useful but its usefulness is mostly limited to getting immediate compliance. That means if you want to get her to do something within the next 2 minutes, doing something that raises her attraction towards you will make her more likely to do whatever it is you want her to do.

When it comes to getting solid numbers though, comfort is king. That means you should actively build commonalities and dig into those commonalities. Don't just connect on the surface like "Hey, you like football? I like football too." connect on the deeper reasons why you're into the things you're into like maybe if you're both into football talk about what's so great about it and share your best experiences with it.

The reason comfort is so important for getting numbers is because it registers you in her mind as a real person, not some "performer" that she just happened to talk to and it creates a relationship with her. When you're doing attraction its more of something you do to a girl. Its kind of like a performance. Like street magic, we may enjoy it a lot but we don't often think, "Hey that guy was fucking awesome, I wanna hang out with him and become his new friend." Comfort on the other hand is something you do with the girl. Comfort building is basically relationship building. Think about your relationship with your friends, unless you have douchebag friends they hang out with you not because of what you can do to entertain them or because of something you have, they hang out with you because you guys get along really well. Its the same when it comes to interactions in a dating context. Its like, "Yeah, he's a lot of fun but do we get along?"

The reason its good for making sure she doesn't flake is because attraction is fleeting. If you really observe how you feel when you're talking to or looking at someone you're really attracted to you will notice that feeling usually goes away within minutes of her leaving. We can even use a more raw example, how long can someone sustain a boner without any mental or physical stimulation? How long can a woman stay wet under the same circumstances? If we're talking about healthy people then the answer is not very long. When you build comfort with a woman then everything will be associated with things she normally thinks about anyway because you connected on things you're both interested in or both see in similar ways so she will have constant reminders of you throughout her day. For example, I like going to sleep to Family Guy, if I meet a chick today who likes the show too then when I'm in bed watching it I will remember how me and her spent 20 minutes making jokes about it, talking about what we like and don't like about the characters, and sharing theories we have and its like the conversation will get replayed in my head which will bring me back to that moment when we met which will remind me of how I felt seeing how hot she is. Comfort can actually prolong the effects of attraction in this way.

When you only build attraction you're just some random cute guy that was fun to talk to but when you build comfort with that attraction then you're u/ToughWorldSon, the guy who shares her obsession for cheeseburgers and EDM who also happens to be really cute and fun to talk to.

SmoothPrimal · 2018-11-16T08:14:47+00:00

I encountered this phenomena a while back.

Its due to lack of energy and authenticity. You are comfortable, they are comfortable, the conversation momentum has been tweaked to the point that saying no is awkward so they just give you their number.

The big problem is, you have no emotional commitment so neither do they. They feel no excitement. The number close happens due to your technical “pick up skill.”

However, you lack the next tier of skill to be able to trigger an emotional state in you that makes every single interaction feel authentic.

Sometimes you have to make things feel a little awkward so you don’t seem like a player.

Yes this is a common problem with good looking guys who get used to game. They have no reason to say not but no reason to make the effort either.

Take risks, keep it fun for yourself and do other things aside from pick up since the next level of game is using it for other purposes other than picking up women.

jackzander · 2018-11-15T18:38:02+00:00

No one can give you clarification for your specific anecdotes, simply because the possibilities for your troubles are pretty vast, and everyone here is a stranger to your situation. But, your original question is worth wondering on.

In design terms, 'over-engineering' a product is still considered bad engineering. (Check out the Juicero for a more bizarre example of this)

Personally, it's easy to detect when a person is trying to skillfully 'get' something from me. People who approach me with a mission just feel unrelaxed, and tend to direct the conversation in forced-feeling ways. There are no natural lulls or slow moments; there is a script or algorithm and a purpose, and I am either a sale or a waste of time. I don't tend to give these people anything that they seem to want, because the inauthentic experience just annoys me.

Most people aren't whimsically cruising through conversations with strangers on the regular. If you're approaching an unrefined, unsmooth person in a very refined, smooth manner, that in itself can create dissonance and a vague sense of insincerity. Doing this can make you seem like an out-group person. Sometimes out-group people are seen as interesting or mysterious, but sometimes they're just seen as Not Us.

So, maybe your approach is getting lazy. Or maybe your target demographics are changing. Maybe you're getting older but swinging younger, and your dynamics are turning unfamiliar. Maybe everyone's changing because society is changing. But regardless the reason, it does seem to me that people are a lot less interested in being approached and entertained and enchanted by strangers, and more interested in comfortable, genuine moments, with strangers or otherwise.

SelfLoveArmy · 2018-11-16T17:12:03+00:00

When you're smooth they may accuse you of being a player if you're throwing it in her face. Also, most attractive women, when gamed properly, are going to need to be convinced you actually really like them. It's the funny way the power dynamic shifts.

Brostory_com · 2018-11-16T23:36:17+00:00

If in ur head than yes.

sweetpotatuh · 2018-11-15T20:31:46+00:00

If your “skills” are turning girls away - your skills are not as good as you think.

You aren’t “too good”.

If you were any good, you wouldn’t be pushing them away lol

That’s like saying “I’m TOO good at swimming. I keep drowning as a result.”

No. Your swimming ain’t good.

Naustralia · 2018-11-15T18:38:50+00:00

I think you're right they probably thing you're a player

phfenix · 2018-11-16T09:00:33+00:00

Yes definitely. Competence is scary to a lot of people, as is true confidence in one's own abilities(not to be confused with narcissism). Especially if you let it be known that you know you are competent and even worse you actually worked your way up towards where you are rather than just being "natural", it puts you in a very small percentage of people because you've done what most people simply will never do in their own life. I see a lot of women that go out with complete losers who literally have nothing going for them because it's safe, whereas a guy who is very intelligent and knows how to work with what he has, not only can she not control him but she is at risk of being gamed herself. It's why women hate the idea of game in general, takes away from their agency and gives power to the man wielding it.

I often get better responses from people in general, not just women, when I don't behave as if I've already heard everything they have to say before and know what the next 5-10 years of their life will look like. It comes across to some as arrogance but that's like saying a meteorologist is arrogant for giving weather forecasts. Particularly people with anxiety or self esteem issues, it's scary if you're a complete rock like she wants to see some sort of emotional investment from you, and you making it obvious that you're better than her in every way and know it(even if you don't judge her at all and appreciate her as an individual and whatever gifts and quirks she has), and don't need her for shit, either she has to up her game and be worth your time or risk just getting pump and dumped because she doesn't know if you're just a fuckboy.

I have a particular friend who his group of friends is a lot "simpler" for lack of a better word. By that I mean my idea of a good time is reading, exercise, and in conversation to share ideas and get people's feedback about things of more depth than the weather. Intensity and courage is the name of the game for me. My friend has to remind me if I'm going to hang out with that particular circle to take it easy, because they're more of a watch the game and have a beer, maybe talk about women's asses or something. I have nothing against any of that in fact it's a good time with good people, but it's not my default mindset and I have to make a mental shift so that I don't disrupt the environment they're trying to cultivate. Some faggot was complaining to me earlier on here about social intelligence, and he did have a point that part of good social skills involves putting some effort in understanding the frequency of your "audience' or whatever you wanna call the people in your environment, and try to match them because to deviate too much from where they are and where they want to be will create a lot of unwanted anxiety that they're likely trying to avoid to begin with.

Title	Can too much skill hinder you?
Author	ToughWorldSon
Upvotes	10
Comments	13
Date	November 15, 2018 5:36 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9xdbfl/can_too_much_skill_hinder_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/can-too-much-skill-hinder-you.1456797 https://theredarchive.com/post/1456797

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