It's crazy. I've been a forever alone guy most of my life but this year I changed that. No gf yet, but I finally got my first fuck buddy this year, we're having sex regularly and I can technically say I have a "sex life". This year I've had girls literally tell me "your dick felt good", "you're awesome", and "I like you and like hanging out with you" - Yet even with all these positive reference experiences I still cannot kick the "I'm a piece of crap and girls don't like me" belief. It's like I can't truly appreciate all these sexual experiences because my brain is too busy telling me that they don't count, that these girls didn't really like me, that they just pretended to. It just shows how deep-rooted these thoughts of worthlessness are, and that successes with women aren't going to change them a whole lot.

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Last year I thought ok once I lose my virginity then I'll like myself and feel confident, well it happened and I didn't. Then this year I thought ok once I get my first fuck buddy then I'll really like myself and feel confident with girls, well I did and I feel like I hate myself now more than ever. And now of course the thought is ok once I get a gf then I'll like myself, but something tells me that's not gonna happen... Sex provides you with momentary bursts of self-esteem, but it is not an effective long term strategy for self-love.

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The thing is I've improved in other areas of my life as well, I got a better and higher-paying job this year. I've been doing good in school and was invited to join the honors society. I've been playing guitar more, I've been going to the gym fairly regularly but yet still don't like myself too much. I think a big part of it could be feeling disconnected socially, I have a few guy friends I can call and chat with but they all live kind of far and I rarely if ever get face-to-face interactions with guy friends. I also struggle making friends at school. I just kind of fly under the radar in class, I do the schoolwork but just feel like a ghost at school more often than not. I feel alone pretty much constantly. I learned about the "inferiority complex" in a psychology class I took last semester and I thought "wow that sounds like me to a T".

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Any advice to change these thoughts of unworthiness? Is it just a matter of challenging your beliefs about yourself over and over and sticking to it?