I remember that feeling of quiet, desperate loneliness as if it were yesterday. It truly felt unbearable. I remember countless nights of crying into my pillow, believing I would never know the touch of a woman, or the feeling of being loved by one. I was a 26 year-old virgin incel. I honestly felt like the ugliest, most unlovable man on the planet. I knew I didn't want to continue to live like that. But what could I do? I often considered suicide.
I never had many advantages in the looks department; I'm a short man at 5'6" with a fairly average face and a jacked up body. The thing is I am actually physically deformed. I have a rare genetic disorder called H.M.E. which causes stunted growth in my limbs and my hands as well as malformed joints. I have small child-sized hands and shortened arms. It also causes me to walk with a bit of a pirate limp. For most of my life I hid my body as well as I could, I always wore long sleeve shirts, pants, and hid my hands in my pockets as often as I could. My disorder made me consider the possibility that maybe I am too genetically inferior to ever be sexually selected by any woman.I found pickup during it's rise in the 2007 era. I was desperate, yet humble enough to finally do some searching online. I figured I had nothing to lose anyway. I remember looking up "how to get a girlfriend" and found some David DeAngelo products, which opened me up to many other teachers, coaches and the pickup industry in general.
I moved to a big city and joined the local PUA lair. I went to every free coaching event or talk that was available. I read every E-book and watched every DVD set I could get my hands on. I took more notes than I'd likely ever need. When I first went out, a lot of the top guys assumed I would quickly give up and that I was likely hopeless. I don't blame them. They saw how weird I looked, my terrible fashion and I simply really sucked with women. And as I later figured out, most men that start to learn game the way I did would give up in the first few months. It's a brutal and soul-shaking experience to go out to bars or malls and to get rejected over and over again, especially for a guy that was socially isolated for much of my life. But I didn't consider giving up to be an option. I thought this was my only chance.
The feedback from going out was extremely important, even if it were difficult to suffer through. And finding a few guys in the lair that became my mentors was invaluable. And finding a few new friends that were also struggling and also trying to learn these same skills to group up with helped me stay disciplined in approaching and learning.
I had some small successes in between a lot of failures. I even managed to lose my virginity and over the next 4 years and hundreds of approaches and days / nights of going out, I learned how to attract women, and more importantly I learned how to love myself and accept my own value. My self-esteem healed and my confidence grew.
It's been 10 years now since I was that sad 26 year old virgin that hated himself and was scared of everything. I learned the value of pushing myself out of my comfort zone and many other lessons along the way. I've now slept with about 40 women, many of them were quite beautiful and sexy. That might not seem like a lot to some guys, but I never thought I'd have sex with even 1 woman in my life. I've had a lot of nights with an amazing woman by my side. I also had a 3 year healthy relationship where I got to experience love and companionship, and even though her and I are no longer a couple, we stayed great friends. She would still do anything for me, and I for her.
I also live overseas and travel quite a bit now, which I definitely would have been too scared to do before. I have a great social circle here and a fulfilling dating life. Just this last month I had sex with a few young, beautiful women.
I just want to thank the community as a whole. I love natural game and self-improvement. And I don't know where my life would be if I hadn't found pickup. Likely not as awesome as it turned out to be. I hope my story helps give some of you guys hope, because I know how it feels to struggle and want to give up. I wanted to quit almost every night I went out. Keep going. Keep going out and learning. It's worth it, trust me.If you have any questions, feel free to ask below. =)