Seduction is wayyy too hard for me

JazzlikeGold · 2019-04-25T23:31:02+00:00

Why would you hang around for 2 hours? Sounds like you were clinging on and when she got tired of your shit she bounced.

dirkberkis · 2019-04-25T21:56:48+00:00

The 'dont forget to add me' bit made me wince.

For one, you hung out with a group of chicks for 2hrs and expected one to budge? You need to isolate your prey, they draw strength from peers and must be separated asap.

zincSF · 2019-04-26T18:03:12+00:00

A couple of thoughts. First, a woman that isn't solo is extremely difficult to game to a # close. At least the close itself usually needs to be "private" (more on that in a moment). Second, a typical quality interaction with a woman that leads to a successful # close (or other connection info) is 5-10 minutes. Unless you are "insta-date", i.e. intentionally go somewhere else, to talk or do something etc. In which case, you are instantly moving into date-game, and that's a big other subject I won't get into.

If you really want a successful # close with her, I would say you needed to do that "in private" during the course of the 2 hours, NOT at the end when a group with her in it is actively leaving. That creates social awareness issues for her. So somewhere in the middle of it all, but privately you say something like "hey this is nice and I really like you, let me get your number so we can go out sometime just the two of us and get to know each other a little better (with a direct eye to eye contact and a cheeky smile, yes?). No one around has to be aware of it then.

Just my $0.02. Best of success next time.

getyourlifeplease · 2019-04-26T02:35:31+00:00

I tried being honest with my intentions, making jokes to clarify that I am interested in the girl, held her hand

Held her hand??? Why? Thats a bit much...

I hung out with the girl and her group of friends for about 2hrs, then she abruptly left taking the whole group with her.

This says to me that you were being clingy. They prob sent social cues that they werent interested or that you had over extended your welcome...and you didnt pick up on them! The fact they left abruptly was your sign. It is one thing to approach and strike up a convo, but to insert yourself into the group for 2hrs? That is a clear sign of a guy who "doesnt get it".

something in the lines of "Hey don't forget to add me on facebook, ofcourse if you still remember my name!"

Oh no....this was pure desperation and cringe. Ouch! As was you bringing up your poetry. Dude...this was all just way off base.

Im not saying give up, but revisit this stuff after really working on the awkardness. That you need to tackle first...otherwise you are just an awkward guy, awkwardly using pickup techniques. That still is uncomfortable to girls...

recyclablebanthas · 2019-04-26T02:42:50+00:00

1

As the title says, I feel like seduction is way to difficult for me. I never seem to be able to attract women into my life. I am 22 and still a virgin, I've never had a GF or a solid group of friends even.

So if you didn't even have a driver's license, and wanted to race in the Indy 500, would you jump straight into an F1 and start trying to zoom around the race way at top speed? No, because you'd become part of the wall in under 5 minutes. You'd start off by building up some foundational skills first. Get a learner's permit so you can learn to drive. Get a license. Practice getting the feel of a slower car. Start pushing it a bit at higher speeds and get a feel for how cars move at slightly higher speeds. And so on.

Similarly, seduction has its own foundational skills. Social skills. Not magic. Not tricks. Not memorized lines. Social skills.

Seduction's foundational skills involve a lot of low-hanging fruit that offers easy practice and some fairly easy victories for anyone, so long as they have sensory organs to be able to pay attention to people in person, and the ability to pull themselves out of their own heads and focus on the ones they're talking to, so they can participate in a two way exchange, instead of spending their time ignoring the people they interact with, as they worry about what to say. What is the low-hanging fruit? It's not cold approaching.

Social circle stuff:
- Finding events that are literally organized by people trying to get single people together.
Using basic observations to make conversation anywhere you happen to be.
- Cold approach is actually more advanced the way it's usually presented, as the structure usually involves going to a public place JUST to talk to girls, which takes away a common and easy way to connect with people: shared experience. If you're at a mall to get something, you could connect on other shoppers on the basis of that alone. If you're just there to talk to girls, then the approach becomes more of a sell because something has to distract the girls from the fact that you've centered your life around girls.

2

I recently read "Models" by Mark Manson and I got a surge of motivation to approach again like I used to. When I approached today I tried being honest with my intentions, making jokes to clarify that I am interested in the girl, held her hand and directly asked for her contact info. I hung out with the girl and her group of friends for about 2hrs, then she abruptly left taking the whole group with her. While she was walking away, she said goodbye without even turning back. I said jokingly, with a smile, something in the lines of "Hey don't forget to add me on facebook, ofcourse if you still remember my name!"

She promised that she would (probably to blow me off and get away as quick as possible).

Here's the thing: honesty is not a bad thing, but the mistakes here, have nothing to do with honesty.

If you've just met her, then having ANY intention beyond curiosity and getting to know her, could easily and unintentionally communicate that you're desperate.
- Which begs the question: what "intentions" were you honest about?
Simply walking up to someone, starting a conversation, and paying attention to them clarifies that you're interested in her. You don't need jokes to do this, so shoehorning them into the conversation, was probably awkward.
I can say without qualification that holding the hand of a girl you just met, in the situation as you've described it, was a mistake. Physical escalation is important, but it cannot be emphasized enough that one must be paying close attention to the girl and making adjustments based on her reactions to the things you're doing.
If you just met her and hung around for 2 hours, considering the context you describe, that was awkward and forced at best.
- That's why she abruptly left.
- That's why she said goodbye without looking back.
- Your joking reply with a smile was a bit in vain considering she apparently wasn't looking at you anymore at that point. Also, your "joking," carried the unintentional message of low confidence since you're still investing in something that she's clearly not, and accidentally inferring that you don't think she'll remember your name later.
- And no, she's likely not going to add you on FB and even if she did, it would be a poor lead to follow-up on.

3

Thinking back that was probably one of many mistakes I made during that encounter. Atleast it was somewhat funny to me...

It was funny to you, because you were looking for a way to defuse your own discomfort. The problem with doing it this way is that it makes EVERYONE ELSE uncomfortable and doesn't really fix the root of your discomfort.

So this is thinking you need to address.

4

I am telling you this story, because this is something that happens to me regulalry, whenever I approach and try to escalate. I often feel women around me aren't ever comfortable with me trying to be sexual or just showing interest.

Ever? We're not talking about all situations here. You act as if you have tried everything, when you have a world of possibility, a bunch of options you have not even noticed yet.

We're not talking about women not being comfortable about you trying to be sexual or show interest.

We're talking about you not realizing that you're showing interest by starting a conversation, and thinking you need to do something extreme that just shoots you in the foot. We're talking about you thinking you need to be "sexual," right away when you DON'T, and instead you're basically fucking yourself out of any chance by ignoring the girls you're interacting with as you try to steamroller them.

You're lucky you haven't had the cops called on you or gotten punched by male friends attached to these girls you've been approaching.

5

After reading "Models" I feel I have way more anxieties and worries than before, mainly because of me overanalyzing the interactions through the lens of the principles in the book.

It's not so much the book, as it is this odd fixation you have with having to prove you are sexual or interested when these things are UNNECESSARY to prove really.

Interest? You show that by interacting with people more directly, whether that's verbally or non-verbally.

Sexual? That's not necessary to get into until a first date or later depending on your dating goals..

6

It really seems impossible for me to have any game. I feel very lonely and frustrated because of it. I really need your advice.

Look, you're overcomplicating this. You're acting as if you've tried everything, when all you've done so far, from your description, is try to bulldoze and push your way in.

You've had ONE side of the coin down: pushing your agenda, while completely ignoring THEIR agenda. It's fine to have the confidence to do these things you're doing, but it's all for naught if you're not FOCUSED on paying attention to them.

CollaterLDamage · 2019-04-25T23:11:28+00:00

do you know the push-pull method? I hear a lot of giving but not a lot of taking. what did she do to earn your number?

Title	Seduction is wayyy too hard for me
Author	GoodMorningWanka
Upvotes	5
Comments	20
Date	April 25, 2019 9:39 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/bhe9md/seduction_is_wayyy_too_hard_for_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/seduction-is-wayyy-too-hard-for-me.1467353 https://theredarchive.com/post/1467353

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