I have read TRP for a couple of months. My main reasoning for reading it is my horrible game and sexual frustration (I’m talking 2+ years since I have had any). I am in shape, though it can be better, and eat healthily. My main problem stems from my isolated and unhappy childhood. As a result, it is effecting how I interact with others. It also effects how I do at school and perceive myself. I am already seeing a counselor. I have been seeing him for 2 years, but the advice I seek from a man, I cannot get from him. I guess you can say he is BP.

Despite having some baggage that I am constantly sorting through, I still want to fuck like every other man. I can talk to women. Most are from campus. Often times I like to pursue those that seem interested, but I never have enough charm or game to push past the anti-slut defenses. I think I may be too aggressive and maybe even seem desperate (It has been a long time since I have fucked).

This will be a long read. I will write to the best of my ability to portray everything as accurate as possible. I do this in the hope that you guys can analyze my interaction and tell me where I went wrong. I choose this case, because I think it represents me in my different phases of confidence and insecurity as well it being the most recent.

Case in point: (Sorry if this will read like a badly written teen drama) I first started to talk to this girl midway through the semester. I knew she was interested because she would always go out of her way to walk and talk with me for a couple more minutes despite her being able to take a shorter route to her car. I would always keep the encounters after class (2 times a week) lighthearted and fun. After about a month of these encounters, and exam was around the corner and I texted her with a:

"So want to 'study' after class? :)"

In which she replied: "Sure"

My intentions were to fuck her on campus somewhere. I mean it’s obvious. Added the smiley face and everything. We met after class and I just wanted to make sure she knew of my intentions. I asked her if she really knew my intention, to which she answered no and I replied with (smiling)"I want to fuck you."

She: (laugh)"Are you serious?"

Me: (smiling) "yes"

she: "I thought you were joking."

Me: (grab forearm) "wanna?"

she: "no."

I was not panicking. In fact, I was ecstatic with my own boldness since it has been a while for me to be that bold before my depressions/etc. Anyway I said

me: (Laugh) "fine then. lets study you old hag"

And she followed. It didn't feel uncomfortable to me except for the hard on I had as we walked to the library. I even mentioned said hard on to her and she smiled/laugh. Anyway we didn't end up studying. We smoked weed somewhere around campus that was isolated and where her car was parked (I didn't want to study and I was aiming for another chance to escalate into sex). Just so that you could get the gist of rest of the encounter, I did apply some more kino (nothing noteworthy) and she rejected any attempt to escalate. The day ended with her dropping me off a train station (commuter campus).

Next encounter, we walked and talked like usual (so the last encounter was no big deal). There was one encounter where I wanted to try to "study" with her. I asked her after class, and despite her having to for wait for me, she agreed to stay on campus. After I got out, I asked where she was, she replied with a

Her: “Sorry. A friend asked me to study and I left to the other library.” (Other library was close no big deal)

Me: “Sure your friend is with you?”

Her: (sends a pic of her friend reading a book)

Me: “Want to be subtle in front of her?”

Her: “lol no.”

Me: “Ok, I’ll compromise. I keep the interactions PG-13ish but I get to sit next to you.”

She tells me her location. I go. I make a good impression on her friend. I tried to escalate on the being subtle part, but she really did have an exam so I opted out in increasing it further. The day ended us leaving her friend in the library and me leaving her as she went to her car. She offered a ride, and I declined (not in a butthurt way). I just had enough for the day.

Next significant encounter was when I invited her to a class. She sat next to me and a presentation was going on, so the lights were dim. Naturally I rested my hand on her lap. I tried escalating there, but she would not have any more of that and removed my hand. I smiled at her, and she had a look of “I can’t believe you just did that”.

We left the classroom and she dropped me off the train station. During the ride (and this is where I enter a different phase of my personality), I become a bit more playful. I mean because of my childhood, I feel like I will always compensate for my unhappiness in adulthood. A sort of a kid at heart. Just the way it is. I’ve tried to kill it, but I always felt unhappy when I try, so I let it be. Anyway, this could have changed her perception of me, not that I care, but I did try to kino again. She wouldn’t have any of it. At this point I feigned frustration and pretended to text another pseudo plate (as in the relationship is similar to the girl I am describing now). The next part is painful to write reflecting on it.

Her: blah blah (something about her being stuck in traffic while dropping me off)

Me: “I can make it up to you in like the three more minutes it actually takes you to drop me off”

Her: “Really? Three minutes” (I guess she took it as the amount of time it takes me to finish)

Me: (I raise my hand implying my fingers) “magic fingers. Come on”.

In the end I just left with a “see ya” in which I was not looking at her and left in a sort of brisk way. (Yea I was butthurt and frustrated).

In comes another phase of my personality. This one where I become a needy, insecure, little bitch. Sometimes it is because I did not sleep well, or my physical health is not well, or because of outside stressors. This time it was outside stressors that involved finals looming about the corner, my academic insecurities, my sexual frustration, and news that a relative I do not like was visiting. Again this should not shake anyone, but I have a lot of baggage. I was looking for comfort from anywhere and I decided to go against my instinct and try to get some from this girl. Didn’t go to well.

(texting) Me: Working after class?

Her: Studying after class.

Me: Library or home?

Her: Haven’t decided yet.

Me: Want to eat?

Her: I am not hungry at the moment.

Me: Me either. I just want to hang out. (This was sent with the spelling mistake.)

I received no answer. Which is expected. I lost frame and tried to contact her for something other than…I don’t know. Normally I would be alright, but right now I am not handling finals week all too well. So I just deleted her number and decided to next her.

Now the main problem is do you guys have any suggestions on my game and how to quell my insecurities. I don’t want to go monk mode. Too horny. I know I should do more cold approaches, but I do not know if the college campus is the best place to do it as it’s a small campus and a bad reputation can form. That would make it harder to seem attractive to anyone on campus. I could use some suggestions right now. Where should I do more cold approaches to shield myself from seeming to desperate (should I try the train/station? Most of the girls I find attractive are from the same campus)? Should I hire a hooker to give myself some respite? Should I forgo women and focus on sorting my baggage (It’ll take years I reckon). Am I being too aggressive? What can I improve? Do I need to study up on plausible deniability?

I know I should be focusing on my finals, but this post is a testament to how shaken I am. Please offer advice?

edit:formatting and spelling mistakes

Edit2: I thank you all for the feedback. In the time that someone suggested seeing a prostitute and now (seven hours later) I saw a prostitute. I am thinking a bit clearer now and realize that a bit a pussy can't be my only source of outlet. I do need to accept/love myself. I will strive to make it happen with the suggestions. Again, thank you.