So this girl I really liked and we're talking lied to me when she said she has never been with a guy before. Is this a deal breaker?

Bartimaeus222 · 2020-05-06T10:10:10+00:00

Yes.

balthazardous · 2020-05-06T18:41:46+00:00

I'd say: look at her behavior, attitude and values. Do they match yours? Remove pink glasses if any and make a sanity check. Depending on that, decide whether it's a yellow or red flag. - Red flag: stop the relationship. - Yellow flag: address the issue in a constructive way. Explain why it's a problem for you. Set your boundaries. If she makes a drama (typically: becomes aggressive and flips the situation by pretending you have a problem) or if you notice more issues then stop the relationship.

recyclablebanthas · 2020-05-08T09:27:56+00:00

1

Being a virgin is not an easy state of being. Assuming one is wanting a relationship or even a fling that involves good sex, that does not happen without some experience.

While experience does not equal good sex, it's near impossible to have good sex without some experience.

The problem is that knowing someone else has had another sex partner (or more than one) can activate one's insecurity.

There's often a negative voice in one's head that wants to compare oneself against an imagined image of who someone's past partners might have been like.

So one thing right off the bat is, whether or not she has been with someone else shouldn't be a disqualifier. the drive for you to want to know this, speaks more about your own insecurities than it does about who she is as a person.

2

I was looking for a relationship with her but now I can not even trust her, if she lies about something like that. It's been bothering me.

This shouldn't have even been a topic she needed to speak on.

If she's not a virgin, that's actually better for you anyway. Assuming you want a better chance of good sex, and not terrible sex.

Plus, girls often face some really nasty social consequences for having a sexual history, so it's normal for a girl to want to dodge that, especially if she can feel insecurity from you because you had to ask her.

Hint: guys who are secure in themselves don't ask this question and don't need it answered.

What's more, when guys have had sex, the last thing they want to do is open that door and go down that road of talking about their sex partners. It doesn't lead to good places.

3

We were on ft and she asked if I have been in a relationship before so I asked it back ( we're 18).

Ironically, she comes off as at least a little insecure as well because she had to ask.

Point of order: being in a relationship before does not necessitate having had sex before.

A lot of early relationships end unconsummated.

Bo0mh3adsh0t · 2020-05-06T10:23:52+00:00

You don’t know the history that she had with the other guy you can’t judge someone based on something as small as this unless she is still seeing him behind your back. A lot of people tell small lies like this early on in a relationship to hide their insecurities or things they are ashamed of. A guy wouldn’t tell a potential ONS he is a virgin he would just make a mess of it and then try and leave ASAP.

All you can do is show that you are none judgemental and this will make the other person feel at ease enough to tell you things like this in the future. You are not entitled to know things that don’t effect you directly you can only ask and hope they feel secure enough to tell you.

recyclablebanthas · 2020-05-06T13:04:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

appmanga · 2020-05-06T12:19:41+00:00

First of all, how did you find out it's a lie? Second, do you think she was a toy sitting on a shelf in cellophane wrap waiting for the day you came to get her? Third, why are you so interested in this aspect of her past anyway? Lastly, you're both 18; how much of a "relationship" could it have been? Grow up. Focus on the present and the future, and don't bypass something that can be wonderful for something that you can't change.

Good luck.

Gwaffles · 2020-05-06T14:49:42+00:00

Am I alone in agreeing that this is indeed a problem? OP stated, it wouldnt necessarily have changed things if she said there was 10 dudes, its the fact that she chose to lie about it...

He was not delusional thinking that at 18 she more than likely had a past...it was that she lied about it.

Personally I would have an issue with that, starting a relationship on a lie is well... manipulative imo and I wouldn't be okay with it.

rawrxxdxxd · 2020-05-06T16:11:58+00:00

Yeah. That’s a huge bummer. If you thought you were getting a virgin and she isn’t, then ditch her. She made her choice.

quinnmcd · 2020-05-06T22:15:44+00:00

This post had to be taken down because it appears to be focused on a specific situation or person. While Field Reports deal with specific situations and people, remember that the focus is different:

A field report explains a lesson learned or demonstrates a Seduction concept.
If the point of this post is asking how to get that specific girl, it belongs in AskSeddit.

No worries though! Though the thread has been taken down, any conversations you have started here can still continue, and if you want to PM a mod to get their opinion on this thread, feel free to do so and they will still be able to weigh in.

For next time, remember that posts about a specific situational advice with a specific person are fine as field should be directed to Ask Seddit (/r/askseddit), not to be confused with Ask Reddit.

Title	So this girl I really liked and we're talking lied to me when she said she has never been with a guy before. Is this a deal breaker?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	21
Date	May 6, 2020 9:59 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/geh3z4/so_this_girl_i_really_liked_and_were_talking_lied/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/so-this-girl-i-really-liked-and-were-talking-lied.1495163 https://theredarchive.com/post/1495163

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