There's no point in directly working on confidence. It's such a nebulous term that if you ask 10 guys what the definition is, you'll get 10 different answers, and some won't be able to concretely answer it at all (I'm not even going to define it in this post). If you want to come off as confident, you're better off working on the INDICATORS of confidence and just doing the things that contribute to achieving your end goal.

Trying to act confidently is like trying to act strong. There is no acting strong. You either can or can't lift the weight. You get strong by performing concrete actions (reps/sets of specific exercises, having good nutrition, getting proper sleep, etc) and that will automatically result in you eventually being strong. The strongest guys at the gym are not good at being strong, they are good at consistently performing the actions that result in strength.

The two things that are the biggest indicators of confidence when it comes to dating are:

Expressiveness

Ability to escalate/take action

By getting good at those, you will automatically come across as more confident and not only that, you will actually BE more confident because you will see the positive effects of it and that will reinforce your mentality.

The rest of this post will be laying out a concrete path on how to increase both of these.

First, expressiveness. This is the most visible/consistent indicator of confidence. Think of all the people you've known in your life that you thought of as confident. Most of them are opinionated and say what they think (aka they EXPRESS their genuine thoughts and feelings on a consistent basis).

Genuine expression conveys confidence because it implies that you have conviction in what you're saying. Conviction implies that what you're saying/doing is “correct” or has resulted in some positive result / benefit for you or others in the past. So just the act of expressing something implies that what you're expressing is “correct” or “beneficial” or “ok” to some degree (these are all subconscious calculations people make in social situations).

For instance (and I hate using myself as an example), in my approach videos, I say f*** and s*** like 10 times per approach. But it doesn't affect my results and is taken well by women, regardless of demographic, the large majority of the time. And several guys have asked how I have the confidence to say that, or if there's a reason I speak like that.

It's not that I have some amazing level of innate confidence and therefore feel like I have the right to say it. Or that I have a specific reason for why I say it. I just say what I feel like saying and that alone COMES ACROSS as confident. And the reason I say it is simply because I want to say it. That's it. It's not the actual words, it's the fact that when I say them, you can tell that I really believe it's okay to say them. I'm not putting my thoughts / feelings through the filter of what I think is most acceptable to society at large. It's just a (more or less) direct line between what I internally want to convey, and what I actually externally convey.

So how do we increase general expressiveness? Well it's a continual process. You work on expressing yourself in smaller ways and after realizing it was taken well, you slowly increase expressiveness in progressively larger ways. Here's some things you can do to start on that path.

1) Genuine openers. You can start genuinely expressing yourself right at the beginning. When you see a girl you want to approach, there's some instant thought or feeling you had that made you want to approach. THAT'S the thing you want to say to her. Don't filter it through the lens of “well, what would be the best thing to say to her?” or “how can I say this in the most socially acceptable way?”. Or worse than filtering, is you not saying it and instead saying some indirect bulls*** that's not at all what you actually think. My approaches nowadays don't have a high level of variability just because I've done so many and now my true expression most of the time is just saying you're really f****** cute, but I've said plenty of “weird” things before (you look like a Disney princess, you look like a peacock, did you dress like that just so I'd come up and talk to you, etc). Being expressive right at the opener sets a good precedent for everything after.

2) Genuine reactions. Genuinely reacting to something someone said is usually easier than actively expressing yourself with no stimulus beforehand. When a girl says something, whatever you think or feel about what she says, say it. Literally your very first internal reaction, just say that. Lack of expressiveness basically comes down to how many filters you have between what you think / feel and what you actually say/do. Just saying the first thing you think of what she's saying starts to break down those filters. If you look at my Approach videos, you'll see that my reactions to what girls say are all over the place. I don't think about trying to keep rapport, I don't think about what will be “most effective” for that specific girl, I just literally genuinely react how I want and people pick up on that.

3) Think it, say it. I've mentioned this exercise in other posts. There's a reason for that, it works. Like I said, most people have so many filters they put on what they want to say that it comes out nervous / anxious, has some kind of weird timing, or they just end up not saying anything at all and there's an “awkward” pause. If there's something you're thinking, just say it. Literally any random thing. People are nowhere near as judgmental as you think they are. And a lot of people, especially girls, get their cues for how to act in certain situations from other people. If you just start randomly talking about something, most girls will just fall into that thing with you.

You will almost guaranteed have some anxiety the first time you start doing these. You've lived so much of your life with filters and doing what you think other people want, that just doing what you want will be scary, but you have to start somewhere.

Second is the ability to escalate/take action. The essence of masculine energy is action. Moving forward. Pushing through. Taking action conveys confidence because it shows you either have the ability to overcome an obstacle or are able to deal with the consequences of failure. It's sad, but most guys don't really legitimately TRY at most things in life. So literally just an ATTEMPT at something is respected.

The reason girls are never the initiators of anything (and why girls put up barriers when trying to sleep with them) is because it forces the guy to take action. It's a filter for guys who actually have balls. A guy who can ask for the number, or make the approach, or go for the pull, is more likely to be the type of guy to take the initiative in other things in life.

You could have just average “confidence” and self-belief. But if you are a guy who is always taking action and escalating, you WILL get laid, and you WILL be seen as more confident, regardless of your internal state.

So as far as action steps, here are all the important steps to take when escalating in dating:

1) Approaching 2) Asking for the number 3) Setting up a date 4) Going for a pull on a date 5) Bouncing to another location/isolating (for nightgame mostly) 6) Physically escalating back at your place

There are also ways to “soft lead/soft escalate” like being in control of where the conversation is going, but those are not as important as the 6 things above. If you can do all of these every single time, and you KNOW you'll do these every single time, you will come across (and be) more confident. And you'll also get laid a bunch.

There's a lot of things you can do to increase your perceived confidence and your internal confidence, but as far as the things to work on at first, the above points should be your priority. Of course the only way to actually practice these is being in conversations with girls. And how do you get in conversation with girls? Yep, you approach them. Like I've said dozens of times, approaching fixes everything, especially when you know how to use those approaches effectively as a means to self-improvement.

Dats it mofo, go out and do it.

Lovey duv