Coffee is for Closers

Well, ice cream in this case. What do I mean? Read on.

So your Uncle Vaz has been walking too and fro upon the Earth and up and down in it. I recently added a 20 year old to the team, and have spent the last few days testing out her vaginal elasticity.1 That's how I found myself in line at a gas station, picking up a mixed pack of White Claw - it's a hazard of dating Gen Z women; she gets carded, I don't.

So there are 3 coeds in line, then an older lady, then me, then a young, clueless Chad, then a pretty 24 year old, then a 30-40ish black guy.

So Chad was wearing a white t-shirt that he had hand drawn on to make it look like a jersey for the local college, complete with his number - "69" ofc - on it. The coeds are looking at him because he's a cute guy and they ask him if he plays for the local college team (basketball I am guessing; he could have been a guard, I suppose) and he says something about being on a different team and then says the jersey is homemade - this was not a mystery. At some point he says he's a senior at {name of local high school} and he's 17. Their eyes BUG OUT and they quickly scram.

They leave and the black guy and I are both like "Bruh...."

Me: "You were doing great, kid, but you have got to learn to LIE to women. First, we know the jersey isn't game worn - you should have told them that your real jersey got burned up when you were saving a kitten from a house fire."2

The black guy says "You only came in here to talk to the and then you blew it."

Me: "Yep. We've all done it, even she's done it." as I gesture towards the 24 year old girl, who blushed and put her face in her hands {note to self: that one is at least latently bi}

Chad {looking down at his ice cream} "I don't even want this anymore" and he goes back to put it in the freezer."

Me {mock strictly}: "That's right, you put that back. Ice cream is for closers."

He returns and it's my turn at the register. Me: "Look, kid, you're going to be fine. But you need to work on your Game."

I go outside. Twenty asks me what happened inside. I explain it to her and she says "Yeah, they liked him because they came out and were talking about him."

Me: "Sure, about how one of them almost fucked him by accident."

We had a chuckle about it and then decamped back to mine for more fun.

1 Its perfect, just like everything else on her body, because: 20.

2 This is the story I tell about literally every scar on my body, with the exception of the scar I actually got from saving a kitten from a house fire and for that one I say it was two kittens.

Takeaways

-Coffee is for closers.

-You will fail, but you must learn from it.

Additional Reading

Approach Anxiety: Faint Heart Never Fucked Fair Lady

-Because Really, Faint Heart Never Fucked Fair Lady.

Abundance Mentality - Why It's Good For You.

-If You Really Want To Know, Go And Build It.

Uncle Vasya’s Guide to Outcome Independence or Welcome to Level 99 DGAF

-How to Rock Out With Your Cock Out.

Teachable Moment: Every Encounter is an Opportunity

-Girls Are All Around You.