I signed the papers today

demeve · 2024-04-22T22:53:37+00:00

My friend, the woman you’re divorcing is NOT the same woman you married. That woman is gone. What is left if the one that broke your heart. Let her go. You’ll be better for it. There will be a day that you will meet someone who will not let go of you and will appreciate and be grateful that you are in her life. Stay strong

Joocewayne · 2024-04-22T15:50:54+00:00

It gets easier once you process that the woman you loved is no longer around and only exists as memories. At this point, the woman you married is effectively dead. They have made choices that ensure of this. You have to grieve the loss like a death. When you realize what her process was for detaching from you and killing off the woman you married, you will likely be in the anger stage of the grief process. Trust me, you will feel the betrayal and injustice once you wake up to what she has done. You need to. This means your self respect is waking back up.

The sooner you get to the anger stage and see her for what she is, not who you pedestalized her to be, the quicker you can move past the overwhelming sadness, reminiscence, bargaining, playing out what you could have done different, etc. It’s all not on you, no matter what she says.

Do not blame yourself for everything. This is just a codependent act to fool yourself into thinking it was in your power to change the outcome. It takes two to stay together and one to leave. If you wanted things to work out and she left anyway, there you go. It’s on her.

She made her choice. Go NO CONTACT. The woman she is now is a stranger to you.

DarkEnergy67 · 2024-04-22T15:38:03+00:00

Hard notice here. You are coming from a place of weakness, you have to change this. Mental and emotional strength that is under the control of logic and reason is vital for your future.

I always suggest stoicism, but there are many philosophies that will help.

As a starter, sit down and watch an hour or two of stoicism videos on YouTube and if it fits you, then buy some books. It won’t hurt to give it a try.

Gattsama · 2024-04-22T08:54:58+00:00

A man needs to be: physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit, and financially fit. I know you hear this a lot, and sounds like BS; but you should start working out regularly and eating right. The goal is not to look good for women, but to improve the vessel that is your body. Also exercise is as good or better than SSRIs for simple depression. The routine and the discipline help too. Exercise will improve your mood, sleep and body.

Personally I started studying Stoic philosophy. But also doubled down on my hobbies. I try to study material for 2hrs everyday (relationship, mental health, philosophy, chess, aviation, CME, workout, diet, cooking, etc).

I leaned into every emotion I had about the marriage. I didn't try to repress or suppress anything. If I felt like crying I cried, if I felt like yelling I yelled; but always with the goal of letting it out; letting it wash over me and then wash off me.

I can look back at things now and laugh about the stupid BS I went through in the marriage. I did that partly by taking 100% accountability for my role the relationship. In my case the biggest questions were not why she acted a certain way or said a certain thing. The real questions were why did I pick her and why did I stay?

Also let me challenge the idea that you love her. Love comes in several forms, but is more a series of actions and choices than a feeling. Did you eX act lovingly? Did she make loving choices? Did you? Was she workable, were you healthy together, did you have honest communication (hell did you even have honesty)? I came to accept that we were not healthy together, not workable, and did not choose to act loving to each other. It does not matter what my 'feelings' were about her / us; we are not good. I don't know your situation, but are you really in love with someone that doesn't want you? I mean that as a question, are you sure that love is what you have for this person that does not want you and abandoned the marriage? Do you love her? Or do you love the 'idea' of her?

Noobinpro · 2024-04-22T05:09:11+00:00

Delete and discard every photo, gift or anything that can be thrown out. Exorcise that shit. Time to focus on you and what you want in the time that is left on this rock spinning through space. Get exercise and eat right to start the journey. Check out "Listen my Son" on YouTube, George is pretty cool. Good luck bud.

Title	I signed the papers today
Author	WittyBeautiful7654
Upvotes	11
Comments	6
Date	April 22, 2024 4:07 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ca1g55/i_signed_the_papers_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-signed-the-papers-today.1515958 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515958

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