Understanding what Robert Glover means by "Attachments" in "No More Mr. Nice Guy." Do some parts of NMMNG contradict Red Pill theory?

to_say_the_i · 2015-08-03T01:54:56+00:00

Girls, and people in general, will love you for your value to society. That article is required TRP reading.

That said, you're right that you shouldn't base your identity around external things. Stephen Covey talks about this in 7 Habits when going over the idea of your "center." Some people are "centered" around their girlfriend (unhealthy), some around their job (still unhealthy). He argues it is best to be "centered" around a set of principles you can identify with, because you are a stronger man when what pulls you forward is an idea, not a thing.

For example, you could be centered around the ideas of "never stop improving in all aspects of life" and "having integrity." This is different from physical things that come and go, because you can lose your job due to external factors, but never your mission and integrity as a man. This is how you remain a "rock" to your woman in the storm of life.

M3_Drifter · 2015-08-01T11:09:17+00:00

Let's say that you are competitive at karate. You attach your value to this hobby. In other words, your worth as a human being is dependent on your ability at karate. If you are good at karate, others will like you, love you, even look up to you. If you are bad at karate, they will not like you. Your value is directly attached to your karate skill level.

Now, normally, this would not be an issue as such. But what if you suddenly start to falter and get eliminated early in competitions? Suddenly not only are you frustrated at not performing, but your value as a human being takes a dive. If you don't shape up - now! - people will stop liking you. This is obviously not true, but this shit doesn't quite work on the conscious level.

You make your identity around your hobbies and interests, but your value is attached to your person, your values, beliefs and how you conduct yourself in the world.

You should have high value hobbies like being healthy and fit, but your value comes from treating your body well, not how ripped you are or your 1-rep max.

Attaching your value to actions such as winning competitions, giving incredible orgasms, dressing well, having a nice car, being a gentleman, or whatever, is the definition of the Nice Guy. "I did XYZ ^{(for you}⁾ , now you must love me."

machimus · 2015-08-01T02:49:48+00:00

In regards to that last point, you could not be more wrong. In my mind being alpha is the freedom to really be who you are. Betas pretend to be gentlemen, someone they are not, in order to get in girls panties. That's why you see so many snap and start bitching girls out as soon as the "hi you're pretty I'm nice" line doesn't work as advertised.

throwaway38248734628 · 2015-08-01T03:29:32+00:00

If you lift, you should be doing it because it feels good to be strong and healthy and have high testosterone, not to get your ego validated by women. Same logic applies to whatever hobby you're into.

NihilDicoAmplius · 2015-08-01T15:53:47+00:00

The point Glover makes is, that you may have "attachments" as valuing your looks due to your lifting. The problematic bit is where you need others to see and acknowledge your valuable trait, notice your looks, witness your prowess at a competition. Do the things that you like and make you feel good, even if no one ever would know about what you did or achieved. Be proud about your achievements because you know that you accomplished something, not because someone else saw and approved.

smajorp · 2015-08-02T05:46:27+00:00

To provide a different perspective from the other comments here (which are spot on)...

The only thing that will be consistent in life is the awareness that you exist. By being comfortable with this, and this alone, you will begin to reduce your attachment to things around you.

Your circumstances will change, your hobbies will change, your body will change, and your friends will change, but your awareness is eternal.

You shouldn't get attached to your hobbies, because injuries or life circumstances may prevent you from doing those in the future. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have hobbies or you shouldn't enjoy them.

You shouldn't get attached to being in great physical shape. Eventually, you won't be able to maintain the build you have when you're younger. You get old.

As you reduce these attachments, you will find your overall state of mind start to balance. You will feel less intense highs and lows emotionally. It's a path to stoicism.

Merwebb · 2015-08-01T14:22:16+00:00

I understand that you define the things you do, not let yourself to be defined by those things.

I think the guy says to look for good hobbies like swimming or fountain pens or whatever enrich you, things that add to you, instead of doing things that could be detrimental like being a fast food pro eater.

You make a nail and hammer tools, they dont make you a carpenter.

Morokweng · 2015-08-01T16:33:56+00:00

I think a lot of people try to rationalize themselves into feeling confident. They look at their material possessions, or accomplishments, or whatever, and then compare those to people around them, and if they come out favorably then they decide that they are allowed to be confident. This method for confidence will inevitably be situational, because there's always someone who has it better than you. You can become a millionaire, have a million dollar mansion in Beverly Hills, look out over your balcony and see a billionaire next door who has a compound 10 times the size of your house... congratulations despite all of your success you're miserable again because you're still comparing yourself to others in order to give yourself permission to be happy.

What Dr Glover is talking about there, is basic self-esteem. Being confident and happy because you deserve to be happy and confident as a human being. Recognizing that these things are supposed to be your default state and that by comparing yourself to others you rationalize yourself out of that state. Being comfortable in your own skin, not feeling as though you have to justify your existence to others, or that you're not entitled to having your needs met.

Does this conflict with red pill theory? Maybe. You have to bear in mind that the red pill community is populated by men who usually have self-esteem issues. Its inevitable that the neuroses of the people that inhabit a community is going to leak out into the collective ideas of that community as they sit around validating each others ideas.

There's a lot of good advice that comes from TRP, but there's also a lot of toxic bullshit that comes along with it. You, as a man, need to learn to make up your own mind about things. Don't subscribe wholly to some pre-packaged worldview, or blindly follow a philosophy like some fucking sheep. You take what is useful and you discard the rest.

If daring to believe that a woman can love me for who I am is 'bluepill' then so be it. But this red/bluepill dichotomy is a great example of the black-and-white thinking that Glover also mentions in that book. The world isn't simple enough for that kind of thinking.

Title	Understanding what Robert Glover means by "Attachments" in "No More Mr. Nice Guy." Do some parts of NMMNG contradict Red Pill theory?
Author	CD_Johanna
Upvotes	13
Comments	11
Date	August 1, 2015 2:36 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3fd866/understanding_what_robert_glover_means_by/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/understanding-what-robert-glover-means-by.151839 https://theredarchive.com/post/151839

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