Essentially I have been estranged from my wife for about 4 years. We are finally at the point to move ahead with a divorce and agreed to use a self-help legal service/notary, instead of attorneys, to complete and file the paperwork with the courts. It's a classic dead marriage however we are on friendly terms at this point.

Here is the current situation:

Both of us mid-50s, married for 26 years in California but I am outside of the US usually 10 months/year

I am retired collecting a government pension , make withdrawals when needed from retirement accts, also some occasional freelance work.

Wife works full-time for local government and her income is $10k/year more than my current retirement income. Her pension, if she retires at 62, will be about $1000/month less than mine.

We both have retirement accts (IRA, 401k, 457b) - wife's total balance is $90k more than mine.

I have an Inherited IRA and it's never been co-mingled

We have joint brokerage acct, checking, money markets, etc

Our 22 year old son will be graduating university this year and should be launched soon after. We are currently bank-rolling his expenses 50/50 and he will finish with zero debt.

We currently rent a house together, split the expenses 50/50, and the lease expires Jan 2025. I stay here in separate bedrooms when not traveling. We get along fine and stay out of each other's business

We fortunately have zero debt

I am on her health insurance which I will lose in divorce. However my plan is to obtain expat health insurance for catastrophic events. Minor procedures, labs, etc. will be paid with cash.

Our tentative agreement:

We have an uncontested divorce without using attorneys

No spousal support for me or her

We each keep the balances in our retirement accounts - IRA, 401k, 457b ( remember she has $90k more)

I keep my inherited IRA that's never been co-mingled

We don't put claims on each other's pensions. Would that eliminate filing QDROs?

We 50/50 split the brokerage account/checking/money markets

I give her $15k towards the purchase of a newer used car (about $30k total). Her current car is on it's last legs.

I will keep my older car that still runs great and use it when home from traveling

Wife keeps all furniture, appliances, etc which I don't want/need. It's not worth much anyways.

Wife keeps the rental deposit for her next place eventually

I will continue paying premiums ($320/year) for a $250k term life insurance policy that expires in 2028; and wife will remain as primary beneficiary.

We keep the rental house one more year (pay 50/50) together until Jan 2026. Then finally part ways and I can cut ties with California to establish residency in a state with zero income tax (probably S Dakota).

Conclusion:

I'm hesitant about keeping the rental house together for another year; but at least I will have a place to stay if/when in the US. Housing is very expensive where we live and having this extra year of stability is very important to her when it comes to the divorce. Worst case it's not a big deal if I just live elsewhere overseas during this extra year.

I am also not thrilled about giving her $15k towards a car purchase but it's not a significant amount in the grand scheme of things. I look at it as the price to pay for hopefully a relatively clean and quick divorce -especially being married 25+ years in California

Keeping my entire pension along with not paying alimony are obviously important issues for me. If the divorce goes to litigation my main concern is she could be awarded alimony based on my imputed income; because I retired quite young in 2020. My previous salary before retirement, at 51 years old, was about $50K/year more than the wife's current salary.

Wife also suggested a permanent legal separation, as an alternative to divorce, so I can remain on her health insurance; and as each other's beneficiaries for SS, pensions, etc. However I am worried about being responsible for any potential debts she could occur and if she becomes unemployed, for whatever reason, resulting in her income becoming less than mine and possibly putting me on the hook for alimony. She also mentioned that her divorced girlfriends are giving her pointers and encouragement to go after me.

I am inclined to make the "clean break" with these few concessions of helping with a car purchase and extending the rental lease for another year. Hopefully to avoid significant financial damage if we can move ahead quickly with an uncontested divorce under the above terms before she changes her mind. Overall I think it's a fair deal for us but wanted to see if there's any blind spots I'm not seeing.

Sorry if I rambled on too long and I am grateful for any advice or general thoughts bestowed upon me. Cheers!