My husband (29m) and I (30f) have been married for almost 5 years. We have been in a rough patch for about a year and I am trying to pinpoint the core of these issues.

Through our marriage, my husband has yelled during every argument and I do have some sensory sensitivity and so I’m not sure what happens during those loud moments because it’s just loud. Like being next to a speaker at a festival.

In March we went on vacation for my birthday, our last night there my husband could not locate a taxi to take us back to our resort. It had been a tense trip where it was as if we were on the verge of an argument with everything that was said. I asked if we should just walk and as a show of willingness I started to walk and he started yelling at me in a way that I had never experienced before. It was very different to anything else and I did not see the vacation ending with me crying on the side of the road in a foreign country. My husband later said that he was short on money for the trip and it was stressing him out. I didn’t know this. It was a painful night where we attempted to go to dinner but I ended up leaving the restaurant because he was mocking and giving petty responses. I didn’t want you to start ugly crying in public which may have embarrassed him more.

My husband has asked me to get a traditional 9-5 job. I have been operating my own business since before we got married which allows me the flexibility to upkeep the home, cook dinner and other meals as well as work. I have tried to explain that working a 9-5 would mean that my business and our household would suffer as I would not have the same time. (I make the same if not more with my business than I did when I was working). We do not have children.

I want this marriage to work and I want to be happy with my husband and have the same spark for him as I did in the beginning but I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Today, he was leaving to go out and I was being silly by kissing his cheeks multiple times. He wasn’t very receptive and so I looked at him. He kind of hugged me but I was confused so I leaned into the hug but didn’t necessarily tightly hug him back (he wasn’t hugging me tightly). He asked if I didn’t want to give him a hug and I did, I was just confused. I am often on the verge of tears. What am I doing wrong?