Here’s a bit of an anecdote I’m in a position (AFAB non binary) where I grew up able to cry and be expressive as an undiagnosed autistic, whilst I watched my brother get a lot of shit for struggling and crying the same way, also an undiagnosed autistic. I grew up female, my hyper empathy and emotional behaviour was reprimanded and pushed down but at the end of the day even though I did get bullied I’d also get pitied and ppl would attribute my traits as usual for ‘dramatic’ and ‘emotional’ girls. Whereas my brother would get emotional and hyper, but he’d get bullied AND adults wouldn’t just tell him to toughen up, they’d expect it, he had it drilled into him that he needed to man up. He then had a time period as a teen where he was homophobic/racist/bigoted u name it, and u can tell it was purely cause he couldn’t fit in, he didn’t cry the same way and he didn’t speak out about his pain until later, only now he’s coming out of his shell and seems to be making genuine connections, im so proud of him. But im angry too, im angry it got to that point for him, that he was made to feel he wasn’t allowed emotions. Especially that it pushed him to bully others. I’ve seen this happen with my younger male cousin who i actually used to enjoy spending time around because he was always a hugger and a sweetheart who would get emotional quickly. That’s changed now that he’s older, he’s quicker to say hate speech and is less openly caring, although I will give him the credit of how gentle he is with his niece (it’s adorable). I remember how quickly people used to look down on him for it, and i understand why he had to change to get by in society. But it’s not fair.

Does anyone here relate to this? I know my brothers male peers heavily influenced his behaviour In my brother’s case I know my dad was the one would tell him to man up + he yelled at my cousin for being such a hugger with me (my cousin would barely see me cause we live so far away so he’d always be attached to us for a while)

But I also know my aunts used to make fun of that cousin, and female teachers used to be less sympathetic with my brother. And I’m horribly aware of how women talk abt not wanting a ‘ feminine man ‘ Take Amy Winehouse’s ‘stronger than you’ as an example.

Why do I see this problem so much? What can we do about it?