Time to go?

captainchippsixx · 2024-07-10T01:23:24+00:00

My advice is to be the leader. Be the boss. Tell her this sucks. This is what has to change or I will I’m gone. (You should first consult an attorney). She need to know your fucking serious. If she says some bullshit. Call it out. Thats bull shit! So are you in or out. It’s that fucking simply honey.

It’s not too late for you to have kids.

mr21vp · 2024-07-07T15:44:40+00:00

It's not too late at your age if you still want kids. However you would need to leave the country to find a lady who is worthy to be the mother of your children while still being young enough to give birth. Mexico would be my choice from what I saw after living there for 2.5 years during Covid. Many American men try this in the Philippines but Mexico wins hands down for quality of life and proximity to home.

From my experience both Mexico City and Guadalajara have many younger, educated ladies who are interested in being with foreigners. Age gap isn't much of an issue and most will speak English pretty well and understand US culture and quirks.

It's also better for you to live there rather than trying to bring her to the US where she can become corrupted. Mexico is still moderately conservative with strong family values. Plus having her family there is invaluable for helping our with the kids - there are very few daycares there as like in the US.

You put your kids in international school there and when they graduate high school they will have the option to attend university in the US or in Mexico. Also they will have the benefit of dual citizenship and being bilingual. Sorry to go off on a tangent but just wanted the older guys to know there are still decent options out there for having kids and a family. Just learn a little Spanish and head south.

Xan-Diesel · 2024-07-07T00:21:14+00:00

"They" say a lot. One of the things "they" say, and I generally agree with, is "women want what other women want". If you can get behind this line of thinking it's easy to see why you need to pay attention to the women your wife is surrounded by. If she's surrounded by bitter, angry divorced women (or that want to be divorced) she's going to be hearing about all the awful things all day long. If she's surrounded by women with children - guess what? She's going to be hearing about Mom detail all day long.

Even if you don't subscribe to that - think about many of the common topics of dating. Surely you've heard about the dude at the venue with a hot woman by his side who, throughout the night, is surrounded by more and more women. I've been this dude. This is because the women flocking to the guy want whatever it is the other (often hotter) women want.

If you two aren't operating with a mutual respect - including communicating your wants and needs - this can be even more troubling. She didn't want kids - you did but decided to compromise (there's a funny meme of this where the dude says he didn't want to wear a vest to the party but his wife wanted him to - so they "compromised" and he wore the vest) and now she's changed her mind. What else can you expect to do?

I gave my ex-wife everything she asked for and wanted. After sixteen years it turns out she didn't want what she got.

whiskeytango13 · 2024-07-06T21:26:37+00:00

You sound like you need to fix your communication, not get a divorce. I have learned "life is literally what you make it" and "you set the tone of your relationships".

Flashy-Excitement247 · 2024-07-06T21:06:25+00:00

Probably time to go. People grow and develop with time. I won't say change because I think fundamentally people don't change. My very likely stbxw and I are complete opposites in personality, and even our philosophy, and for years we just buried these fundamental differences deep down inside and never talked about it. So far so good? Then we had kids, 2 of them even, and it became very clear that we were polar opposites in nearly everything. Not only this, but we come from very different cultures with different ideas of what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. The values we claimed to espouse were not compatible, and our personalities devolved into resentful, antagonistic, resentful and spiteful shells of whatever we used to be. With kids! We separated 6 weeks ago. I'm living in the guest bedroom while we, individually, figure out the way forward. It's a mess and it sucks, and it hurts a lot. But fundamentally we have either outgrown each other, developed different priorities, and/or cannot see past 20 years of mutually inflicted sabotage and grievance. The worst part of my day is when she is around. The best part of my day is when I'm with my kids without her constant nagging, monitoring, and perpetual criticism. Different from your situation, my wife refuses any kind of therapy and claims to be the only righteous and honorable one in this duo, and is therefore above reproach. We cannot have a civil conversation to save our lives. Not only this, but I have learned through her practice of comparing me to other men, that what she seeks in a partner is not what I have or am willing to offer. (Noteworthy red flag: when a woman says she has always gotten along better with men than women... Warning!! ). So I too recognize my own part in the developmental dead end of this relationship. I want to be me, not whatever false fantasy she has created for me. This is a long, somewhat cathartic answer to say yes, people grow and mature in different directions. All the character flaws that were there at the beginning (really from day 1) are still there, ergo she has not changed. They have just become more pronounced or perhaps I have grown less tolerant (re: not tolerant at all) of those flaws. Worse, we are both dug in and resolved that the other person is wrong, and fundamentally unwilling to budge. More words than I had anticipated writing.

yes2matt · 2024-07-06T20:58:01+00:00

Divorce is very expensive in every way. And fucking risky. Some guys recover quick, some not very quick at all, some guys flounder and some guys spiral down fast.

Think about some other radical changes you might make, and consider them. What about a geographic change, new city/ state/country? What about a new career, you have 25 good years left? Even a neighborhood change, like moving out to a farm or in to a condo might shake stuff up enough?

What about adoption or fostering? That's also really risky.

Sounds like the woman needs an adventure, tbh, she needs the champion to take her along the edge of the cliff to a "room with a view". you, the champion, have a competitor. It is Instagram. The woman needs a life she can post and it's more interesting than her friends posts about fucking Little League.

You the man. Be the man.

Source: 46m divorced w 5 kids, absolutely lost her to Instagram, then lost over quarter-mill in assets and increased my bills significantly. Now I got the "adventure" of apartment life, child support, and weekend visitation. Could have done better with a move overseas or something

Title	Time to go?
Author	CC4422
Upvotes	6
Comments	16
Date	July 6, 2024 8:17 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dwylfv/time_to_go/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/time-to-go.1523476 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523476

Comments