I grew up thinking I wasn’t attractive and feeling like girls never liked me. I was also always jealous of the guys who got female attention. This led me to have low self esteem and further led me to think that I was a “lame guy”. I thought I could only be “cool” or an admirable young man if girls liked me.

In college that trauma manifested itself in a weird way.

Looking back at my time in college I noticed I would identify “cool dudes” or dudes I admired and I identified the women that liked those “cool dudes.”

I thought if I can score the girls that the “cool dude” scores , then I would also be validated as a “cool dude”. In practice the way this looked was…

[if I can sleep with the girl who sleeps with the captain of the basketball team, then I’m as cool as the captain of the basketball team.] (I know very cringe thought pattern)

Once I graduated college and built up my self esteem I noticed I appreciated that I was a great guy. I was happy to talk to the girls that liked me for me. I no longer sought validation from chasing chicks that probably aren’t compatible with me in general. Finally this also took lots of weight off my shoulders to stop being someone I’m not. I was comfortable in my skin and comfortable presenting my genuine self to the world.

I knew that since I was a great guy it was only a matter of time until I met a great person to be my partner. Then it happened.

I think to summarize all of that. The sooner you get good self esteem and feel content in yourself the sooner you can navigate dating in a healthy way.

Please feel free to comment. Tell me if I’m wrong or cringe or if it helped you.

Just wanted to throw this out there and see if anyone could relate or be an example of what not to do lol.