What am I doing wrong?

CavaSpi77er · 2024-08-12T14:18:19+00:00

I think you've answered a lot of your own questions bud. Honestly, I'd never approach at a gym. It's your (and their) safe space. Just like there is a bar I go to that I only bring girls I'm serious about. You need your own place.

So let me get this straight you don't approach, you don't use cheesy (I.e., fun) chatup lines, and you act reserved on dates. Now flip the script. If you met a girl who was that way, would you want to sleep with her? For me, attraction is about fun. Also, you've got put yourself out there. Opening sucks. It always sucks, but it's the ticket price to play the game. The beauty is the more you play the cheaper the price.

DaygameCode · 2024-08-12T17:23:41+00:00

If you looked at my life from another’s perspective, you’d probably assume I have lots of sex and that it comes easily for me however that’s not the case at all.

I can imagine, because true attraction isn’t based in what you have, but in how you make the woman feel when you talk with her.

I have kind of a dark sense of humor so I tend not to stay pretty reserved to begin with since women around here seem to hate that,

That’s because dark humor tends to be insensitive, which means you are making them feel bad, upset, resentful when they hear those jokes. Again, has to do with how you make a woman feel, not what you have.

But then I think I end up coming off as a “nice guy”.

That’s because when you suppress your usual personality, then you start to behave neutral, and thus you don’t make them feel upset anymore but since you didn’t replace it with anything then you don’t make her feel anything at all. In this case being perceived as “nice guy” is no different than being invisible.

In this case, being perceived as a “nice guy” is no different than being someone who blends into the background, lacking the spark or presence that draws attention and creates emotional connections.

You may not cause repulsion anymore, but you are also not drawing any attention at all. That’s because you are still left with knowing how to make women feel intense positive emotions.

I don’t approach women often because I’m a bit shy and scared of rejection.

You are not scared of rejection itself , you are scared of rejection might say about yourself and you worth, and you are not shy, you are simply scared of facing uncomfortable social situations that you have not learned how to handle in a graceful charming way to diffuse them smoothly if they were to happen.

I’m at the point where I feel kind of desperate and it seems like they can sense it.

Women sense when a guy isn’t fully owning who he is, or is unsure about his own worth, or when he rejects himself at a core level. This is off putting to women because it suggests you are not comfortable in your own skin which makes it difficult for them to connect authentically with you as a result. Why?

Because it creates a sense of instability and insecurity. You are signaling that you are not reliable, consistent or able to handle challenges. You come across unpredictable and uncertain. You may change your behavior to fit in or please others rather than acting in alignment with your true self.

And this is bad for women because it makes it hard for her to know who he really is, what he stands for and all that instability is the opposite of why women need from a man. They need stability, not chaos. Cuz they already are the chaos. So if you add more chaos, her chaos never balances and a relationship cannot thrive.

All of this is perceived at an instinct level by women, rather than at a conscious one.

I feel like it’s corny to use a pickup line (never have)

You don’t need pick up lines, you just need to say: “Excuse me, i wanted to ask you something real quick_” “_I don’t normally do this, but the thing is i saw you and i loved your style it feels like you , and i just though wow i want to meet this girl or else i’m gonna regret it the entire day, is that cool with you?”

Notice that here you are asking for consent to meet her, by adding the “is that cool with you?”, consent is the permission you should get before starting a conversation to make sure she is ok with it and knows what’s going on. Rather than forcing a conversation and asking her questions for no reason.

When you ask for permission you are respectful and even i she says she is not interested, it doesn’t mean you creep her out it just means she is not interested for things that have nothing to do with you or your approach.

Side note I’d love to approach a woman at the gym since working out is like my main hobby, but I always feel kinda creepy and know I’ll always see them if it goes south. Can anyone confirm the gym is or is not the place to approach women?

It’s fine as long as you do it indirectly, rather than hitting on women, be social with everyone including guys and women, saying hi in a cheerful way everyday to people, giving compliments about their progress, not necessarily starting a conversation, just short very brief interactions, that don’t overstay their welcome.

This gets you known as the social guy and then it’s easier to have longer conversations with women and men if you wish to make male friends. Because rather than you making them feel like you are there to hunt it will feel organic and natural like you are just a friendly extroverted guy.

zebekias · 2024-08-12T17:03:07+00:00

Women can smell desperation from a mile away even through photos, but don’t worry, it’s all fixable.

You will have to study game and fake-it-til-you-make-it. Check this sub for recommended ebooks/videos/audios. Study, practice, study, practice. 10 months is no big deal. After you educate yourself and practice, you will be getting some girls. It took me 4-5 years before getting hot ones, but that’s simply because it took me that long to really believe I was enough. An attractive tall guy with his inner game already sorted can go zero to hero in a few weeks or months.

epimpstyle · 2024-08-12T17:29:44+00:00

I’m “stereotypically attractive” to women.... [...].... l train a lot and get lots of compliments from guys at the gym

You're living proof that looks aren't as important as you might think. If you don't say anything, in very rare cases they will dare to tell you something. Training in the gym doesn't make you better at talking with women!

I make $100k per year in NYC

When you talk with a woman/girl you don't show her a bank statement, so talking about money in seduction is useless. Of course you have more options if you have money but that's all... you have more options.

I don’t approach women often because I’m a bit shy and scared of rejection

Being afraid of rejection is BS because every woman is friendly, nice and polite... if you start a conversation with her, she won't punch you in the nose or kick you in the balls, she won't even scream, laugh or say "this guy wants to talk to me hahaha", she won't film you and put you on Instagram, also you will not be stamped or labeled that you want to talk with a girl. See? It is ridiculous and I even doubt that you are afraid of rejection, actually every time I talked to a guy I found out that it was a problem with his BIG EGO, it was a kind of superiority, the guy considers himself superior to the girl without even knowing her. Also, a few years ago I was like that, when I saw a girl, I didn't tell her anything and I even preferred to act like I wasn't interested in her because that way I was feeding my EGO with that superiority feeling that lasted for a minute or so, but after the girl left I realized I'm the stupidest person on the planet. For just one minute of superiority, I wasted an opportunity, isn't that crazy?

You said you are shy - Well... are you really shy or is it like I said above that you have a big ego and you keep feeding your EGO by acting like you are someone superior to the person next to you (thinking that you are smarter, richer, more educated, better dressed)?

I’m at the point where I feel kind of desperate

Desperate because of what?

I feel like it’s corny to use a pickup line (never have) or creepy if I approach them complimenting their appearance.

Complimenting is perfect in the nightgame (bar/club/event) but it is a bit forced when you compliment her while she is coming home from work for example and she did not put any effort to look good but you compliment her... shoes, hair, skirt... nah! It is very forced.

Look at the "pick up lines" as a joke and again it works in a bar/club/event just because it is a joke. For daygame you can use a simple script/routine: "Hey sorry, two seconds, have you seen a little white dog that way/near that building/tree?" [her response: no] ... "I was there a few minutes ago, typing a text on my phone and a dog tried to pee on me, you were lucky not to see him hahaha. It looks like you had a good day so far... look at you, not meeting the dog, good energy, good vibe, smiling... "[ner reply: you made me smile bla bla bla]"

I’d love to approach a woman at the gym

Don't be a weirdo, the gym is not a good place for that. You said you have problems approaching girls, but now you have chosen one of the most difficult places to approach girls, choose an easy place, not the hardest place.

IamRocksteady · 2024-08-13T10:48:45+00:00

Regarding cold approaching, most women will reject you, especially when you are a beginner. Even at the top level, you will close (have sex) 1-2 women from every phone number/contact info you will get. These are the stats that experts like Paul Janka, James Marshall or James Tusk say.

Regarding your personality, it's hard to give feedback when none of us know you as a person. A good starting point would be for you to read the following books and most importantly, go and apply what you learn: The Charisma Myth & Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication.

It would also help you to start journaling not just about your interactions with women, but your life in general. Robin Sharma has some good pointers on why and how to journal.

FrederickVonFanculen · 2024-08-12T16:03:25+00:00

In the gym you don't need to "approach", you can just flirt. Nowadays everyone seems to dumbly approach with the same exact lines. Flirt in the gym, let her do the work. She looks at you? Look back, see how she reacts, if she turns away suddenly and then searches for you again. Then what? she might ask you to use the same machine you're using. Did it happen randomly? Maybe, maybe not. Does she starts some small talk? "Pretty hot in here, is the ac on? Oh I'm so tired bla bla". Or if she doesn't do this by herself give her a chance. Look confused looking at the cycling thing when she's using the one next to you, see if she tries to explain how to make it start. Use proximity and eye contact, and tone of voice to flirt talking about irrelevant stuff. Tell her she looks like she knows yoga and that your back is quite contracted, maybe she'll touch you to see, maybe you can touch very lightly to point out on her own back where your tension is located. Ask her to guide you on some yoga exercise. Do not fucking understand her instructions, so you're inviting her to touch you and show you the movement. Things like this are much better than "ugh sorry you look very cute and I wanted to ask for your number"

nintendoborn1 · 2024-08-12T15:42:50+00:00

I have the same problems

Chicagoj1563 · 2024-08-12T18:22:11+00:00

I think you already know some of the issues you have. It’s all communication skills aka game related.

The problem most guys have is they:

Don’t show sexual intent
Don’t make the conversations man to woman.
Aren’t taking many chances on weekly basis.

You need to play the numbers game where you are interacting with attractive women on a weekly basis (10+ per week at least), and you have to let the girl know she’s a dating prospect. She’s not your potential friend, she’s a potential sex partner.

You don’t have to be overly bold, but you have to show intent. She needs to know she’s a prospect. And you need to gain experience in those kinds of conversations. Man to woman.

Also, try to be a guy who is comfortable if she’s into you or she isn’t. No attachment to the outcome. No putting the girl on a pedestal. Completely at ease with whatever happens.

Start on those things If you aren’t doing them already.

Title	What am I doing wrong?
Author	Intelligent_Gear_869
Upvotes	10
Comments	11
Date	August 12, 2024 1:43 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1eqe3rv/what_am_i_doing_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-am-i-doing-wrong.1527101 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527101

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