'Selfish people do better'

Hot_Blacksmith_3404 · 2024-08-14T19:17:39+00:00

You need to go into nun mode and prioritize (1) finding a job, (2) moving out, and (3) working through your childhood trauma, self esteem, and boundaries before you start prioritizing dating. Of course you’re going to let people walk all over you when you’re financially vulnerable and still living with the people who abused you.

I’d recommend reading Boundaries: where you end and I begin and Codependent No More and working through the usual RPW recommended books. Laura Doyle’s books, the Rules, Getting to I Do and Why Men Love Bitches ALL talk about how you need to prioritize your own wellbeing and happiness before a partner’s - ironically, that’s one way to keep your partner happy too. Fill your own cup first. Love and give to others only out of the overflow of your own full, rich, happy life.

SunflowerSerenade11 · 2024-08-15T21:41:44+00:00

I was nice my entire life and I massively regret it. The good news is you are only 25 so you still have tons of time. If you are nice people will try to put their emotional labor on you, which is an energy drain and will prevent you from properly investing in yourself.

I have two extremes from my family, there is one family member who puts everybody ahead of her, tends to their emotional needs, makes sure they are ok, does chores for them, as a result she spends all day doing things for other people, does not have money, and family members always guilt trip her into doing things. Nothing in her life is her choice. She lives where she can afford, and has a job that pays terribly. It's so easy to run around doing things for others and have it add up.

Another family member always put himself and his growth first. Makes a ton of money because he refused to take on additional responsibilities for the family. He decides what he does with his life and family now. He is nice and generous enough, of course some other family members grumble about his selfishness but I think he was just intelligent with where he put his energy and effort. He is present with the family but just has set boundaries.

anothergoodbook · 2024-08-15T09:05:32+00:00

Check out Jordan Peterson. Read 12 rules for life, take the big 5 personality test, listen to his lectures. That really helped me.

One thing I learned is that growing up does require sacrifice of some sort. Don’t hang onto the “positive” things until you know they’re healthy and coming from the right place. If being selfless is a protective mechanism then it isn’t healthy for you or anyone else. It may be something that is sacrificed on your growing up process.

The reason I mention Jordan Peterson is because he talks about people who are high in the trait of agreeableness. Being overly agreeable isn’t a good thing. You get taken advantage of and walked on and scammed. Being overly disagreeable is also not a good thing. But learning the balance - of how to set boundaries and be your own advocate and yes - put yourself first sometimes is healthy.

Essentially don’t be afraid to grow if it means you are healthy and strong mentally.

Find someone sacrificing for is also important. Don’t throw yourself into something too quickly and don’t give wife benefits to someone who doesn’t deserves them. Essentially, don’t throw pearls before swine. You can protect yourself and be “selfish” in that way until you have fully vetted a man.

AutoModerator · 2024-08-14T19:04:19+00:00

Title: 'Selfish people do better'

Author No-Penalty2959

Full text: I'm unemployed and 25 and living with my parents. I've never had a relationship and I'd really like to get into my first one as I feel ready. However, I feel like a slob even though I'm trying to get myself together because I'm quite behind compared to my peers.

I can see many positives about myself such as my selflessness and empathy but I don't want to be taken advantage of. I've definitely noticed these traits have held me back in work, friendships/relationships and other areas of life because my 'selfish' acquaintances just tend to do better. (selfish referring to people who care about themselves more than they do about people and tend to be individualistic)

There's definitely some issues I need to work through because I was abused/neglected as a child so I've had to self-sacrifice and think about others before myself. Now I'm back in the same environment, I find myself setting boundaries etc but it feels very unnatural after bending over backwards for others my whole life. I'm just afraid that if I get into a relationship, I will sacrifice myself for him.

Have any other women learnt how to put themselves first in relationships without compromising their positive qualities?

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DesZweiteFurrr · 2024-08-15T02:23:56+00:00

Not the answer to the question but it could be worse. You could be 25 and reenacting '2 and a half men' with your sister and her male love interest whose both don't agree on a relationship status which makes everything super awkward and confusing in the household.

You'd be the female Allen the one who had a male Judith in your life only that you didn't have a kid with this guy and you've never been married or at all officially bf/gf. He divorced you anyways like an asexual, irrationally angry male-Judith.

and because of the relationship-issues your female-brother Charlie has, you have a difficult time sharing properly the problems you had with this male Judith who seemed like projecting unfairly misogynistic nonsense onto you, he learned from the male-Red-Pill-community.

Title	'Selfish people do better'
Author	No-Penalty2959
Upvotes	4
Comments	14
Date	August 14, 2024 7:04 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1es9yh4/selfish_people_do_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/selfish-people-do-better.1527260 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527260

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